There's No Drive Thru Window For Healing; This is Going To Take Time,

I'm glad that everyone here is able to bare their souls in ways that are very difficult for most people. It's refreshing to read posts about people who have gone a long time without porn/masturbation/orgasm. For me this process is going to take awhile. There are no quick fixes or silver bullets. It requires persistence, willingness and a faith in the knowledge that if we can make it past a certain point it *will* get easier. I'm on day one again just like everyone else. However there was a time in my life when I looked at porn everyday, or nearly every day, and used people to get my orgasm fix. I don't do those things anymore. It's not something that was ever part of who I am, I just got into that way of being because that seemed to be what "everyone was doing" so what harm could it do?

Anyhow, there's going to be more "day ones" ahead, I just hope they are fewer and farther between as things progress. I'm not going to beat myself up. In fact each time this happens I further my resolve and my desire to change and be a full human being gets stronger. I want my mother or my girlfriend to be able to get on my computer if she wants to and not have to worry about "getting caught." I actually don't have to worry about that anymore. I want to be a fully accountable boyfriend/lover. I no longer want to patronize the sex industry, including porn, strip clubs ect. In fact, I'm here to change the very way I think and act toward sex. In time I may contribute to how others think and act toward sex, in a positive way. It is good to know I have finally found an answer to a problem I've tried to handle for a long time. Just having the answer doesn't mean I can implement it right away or that it won't take some time to change.

This is going to take a lot longer than I thought. I was so gung ho at first I didn't really see some of the pitfalls. They call that the "pink cloud" in the twelve step rooms. Anyway at least I'm not running around blinded by the limbic system. I can now see the forest for the trees in terms of my own biology and my own mental states as they arrive. That is a very valuable tool and a gift from showing up here regularly and talking to people about these issues. Good luck to everyone on the path.

There's a spiritual that was sung during the Civil Rights era that I really like. It pretty much sums up my attitude toward this personal change...and societal change that I believe needs to happen if we are going to heal as a people and stop teaching our sons and daughters such backwards and hurtful things. It's called "I Woke Up This Morning With My Mind On Freedom." That really gives me the inspiration I need when I'm down. (I've been a sick lately too so that's also affecting my mental state.)