Day 3

Hanging in there. Trying to recognize and deal with the brain worms as they come up. I miss the clarity I had a few weeks ago because the past few days have been foggy. It hasnt been terrible, but I see a striking difference. Things arent out of control and my life and mind are not not going in a downward spiral, but I dont really feel fluid or vibrant either, which is something I was starting to get used to.

As far as the lady, she is occupied with duties for the next couple of weeks as am I and I probably wont see her. On the one hand, this might be good because we have been in the bed like rabbits, but on the other hand, I want to try to establish some bonding behaviors. The last time I saw her I tried not to have sex with her when I went over there, but that resolve didnt last too long after getting over there and her being sexually aggressive. It feels like a long distance relationship, but she is in the same town. We are just both super busy right now.

Also, I am looking at other women right now too. I am attracted to other women and they seem to be out in full force. I end up doubting the girl I am seeing right will work out because of the circumstances. I like her a lot, but I want to date someone that I can see regularly. Things will change in a couple of weeks. Her schedule works out to where she will be free periodically, but I am not sure how I feel about it. We both like each other a lot, so Im not sure how it will turn out.

My mood has been decent. I am trying to adhere to my better habits. Studies are going steady, but like many areas of my life, they are really thriving like they could be. Trying to get that edge and sense back again. I can feel the fogginess and withdrawals for sure this week but they arent all that physical. Most of it comes out in nervousness. My exercise is good, eating is good, I just need to get through these first couple of weeks again. I had the urge to look at porn, but my k-9 blocker came through and I was able to avoid it. Also staying social at school at with my roommates so that is helping too. Good habits!