The free and unlimited online pornography industry has been a large contributor to a sexually jaded (and emotionally damaged) generation of men and women who have never learned how to have a genuine, supportive and *lasting* relationship with the opposite sex. More than that, porn has been described as a form of terrorist propaganda against women, insofar as it depicts men celebrating the sexual dehumanization of women with impunity and educates men and boys to the only thing women are "good for."
Other people's mom's? No problem. They are now "Milf's." Married women? All the better to get off to. Depictions of sexual abuse and exploitation of children? Simply another "barely legal" way to rake in huge profits or if you are not a big shot pornographer, a short term cheap thrill or worse a long term addiction. To my friends out there who acknowledge they have a problem with online porn addiction but still want to view porn as just harmless sexual fantasy, try this experiment. Examine your emotional reaction to someone else thinking of (or better) actually performing sex acts that we've seen in these videos with *our mom* (or wife or sister or cousin). If a man has no qualms with the sexual dehumanization of his own family member then he has gone further down the path of becoming a pimp or wife beater himself than he may care to admit. Porn is a passive educator but everyone is affected by the lesson it teaches.
Prostitution, paying someone to perform a sexual act, is nominally illegal in most states but pornography - paying someone to perform a sex act *on film* is legal. An awful lot of pockets were greased with pimp cash to make this legal compromise under the supposedly liberal cover of "sexual liberation" or the righteous sounding fight against "censorship." If the filming (*for PROFIT*) hard core sexual violation of women's bodily integrity that leave a woman or girl bruised, torn and subjected to abhorrent degradation and humiliation should not be censored, what does that say about the kind of society we live in?
The results of unlimited porn have been disastrous for women in general: witness the increase in demand for painful and sadistic sex acts that include humiliations that very few *men* would consent to. In real life how many men would ever let anyone give *him* a "cumshot?" I suspect very few of the heterosexual wanking public would allow it. Why then should a man expect a woman's reaction to be any different from our own? In the absence of porn this argument would be completely redundant and unnecessary. How many men in relationships with real women right now have a secret sexual outlet in porn? What are the untold costs to maintaining a healthy relationship that pornography has played a role in? Could it be our own relationships or the relationships of people we are close to could have been radically different if we didn't live in the 24/7 porn universe?
Porn has also been harmful to men. Evidence for this are the numerous threads started here by men from all over the world who have recounted how many of their early sexual experiences were informed by old fashioned misogyny of porn and then progressed to a life long addiction. Erectile dysfunction, crippling self esteem issues, extreme feelings isolation and feelings of alienation from women are all typical side effects of a regular decades long porn habit. The younger the user is when he or she starts the more impact it will have. These are just a few of the detrimental effects of pornography on men not least of which is numbing effect on our own values. Indeed, we have been habituated to so many shocking sexual acts, was any one surprised (or as outraged as they should be) by the pictures of horrific sexual abuses of prisoners of the infamous Abu Garaib prison in Iraq?
It is not an overstatement to say that pornography has played a very significant role in the failure of modern men and women to connect to each other in a deeper, more meaningful and longer lasting way. The sexual establishment has just cheered it along and only very rarely do "sex coaches," "gurus" or "sex therapists" advocate anything other than using *more* porn and not less. The results have been a wholesale cheapening callousness towards towards sex, millions of divorces and broken families, loneliness and the peculiar despair we moderns face that there could be *any* redemption in a relationship with the opposite sex.
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Comments
Yes...and
it's my understanding that making users feel shame about their porn use actually drives them to use. That's one reason we try to focus on the mechanics of the user's brain and how he can bring it back into balance. Avoiding emotional charge around the topic actually helps people realize that they aren't bad people because they slip into a "porn diet." It happens totally innocently, in other words.
Most any of our ancestors would have had the same reaction to a porn diet. Just as most would have had weight problems on today's food diet. Overstimulation of the brain's appetite mechanisms lead (often) to interference with the brain's natural feelings of satiety...and thus to tolerance (escalation).
However ugly the results may be, they didn't happen because porn users wanted them to happen, if you see my point.
Still, you're a terrific writer!
Great post
Great post Dano! One of the greatest things I lost during my porn addiction was the sense of spirituality associated with having sex with my wife. Thanks in large part to Marnia and bloggers like you, I've got it back.
Very well written!
A few years ago I'd have read that and thought quite differently. Too bad there isn't a newspaper in this country who would dare to publish an article such as this.
I feel especially bad for todays teenagers and young adults who are growing up with this mess. It's everywhere! I was in the mall yesterday and as I passed the calendar kiosk I couldn't help but notice some of the "model" calendars they had on display and felt disgust. Little children are growing up in this new norm and it's frightening to me.
Last weekend I was at a commedy show and the headliner's main theme was porn, masturbation, and sex. The way he talked to this table of 50-60 y.o. women was disgraceful yet the audience, including these older women, ate it all up. One woman brought her 16 y.o. son to this show. :(
It is a different world we live in now. I'm so glad Marnia has shared her research and discoveries with us.
I don't hate porn. I don't
I don't hate porn. I don't blame porn for what happened to me. It was on me at the end of the day. I don't think porn should be banned. I do however acknowledge that it is in my own personal best interest not to watch porn. It's not for me. Most recovered alcoholics can't touch a drink, not one, not a sip. I'm the same with porn. For me, it's a no go. I know as soon as I cross the fence, it's a slippery slope back to addiction. If others want to watch porn, fine. Good for them. It's just not for me. The same goes for alcohol. Some people can't touch it, but I'd never advocate banning it.
Unlimited access to porn is a relatively new thing. People haven't caught onto the down sides of porn, but slowly it's starting to happen. At the moment porn is "all good baby!" but slowly the pendulum is swinging back to a position of balance and people are seeing some of the down sides. Sites like this are helping with that. All things in moderation. The problem is once you've abused something moderation maybe isn't an option for you anymore, but that shouldn't spoil the fun for everyone else.
An attempt to ban porn
just shifts the debate to endless moral squabbling. I think education about the brain is the way to go. You can never protect people against all potentially harmful excesses, but you can teach them the signs to watch out for and how to correct their situation and what to expect during the process.
Today's porn is actually a great way to learn some really important things about the human brain and how excess affects it. And, as Cyberbob says, if that lesson means you have to avoid all porn in the future, so be it. Worse things happen.
Great thread!
Great post
Just want to add one thing: There is plenty of porn that humiliates and degrades men too.
Another thing
There are also some videos out there that are not degrading to anyone. They may be hard to find, but my favorite themes were unstaged lovemaking between a man and a woman where no one is humiliating anyone else. They are just doing what they do naturally, and not because there is a camera in the room or working from a script. I've wondered if a karezza video would be considered porn? But I guess no one would watch since it would be kind of like watching paint dry.
Really the vast majority is as I describe.
It's like saying the military is a benign entity because they spent a fraction of their time creating "non-lethal" weapons.
plain vanilla
Is it wrong do cite the dangers of porn just on the basis of sexual humiliation and degradation? I have always been put off by the nasty stuff and have sought out what may be called “plain vanilla” porn -- unstaged lovemaking between a man and a woman where no one is humiliating anyone else. I believe such porn is still to be avoided, based on my own experience. I would spend hours (really) sifting thru objectionable porn trying to find my “plain vanilla.” While the typical porn is stimulating to me, I found it not as arousing as my favorites. I would watch the “plain vanilla” and achieve my goal. I would return to it again within a day or so, but the novelty factor would be reduced on the second viewing, and just about gone on the third. So I would begin my quest again. I always dreamed of a site that included only “plain vanilla.” (If anyone knows of one, please don’t disclose it, lest I be tempted.) I believe my usage rose to the level of an addiction, because it was negatively affecting my life – my relationship with my wife and a lot of wasted time -- and I was unable to quit -- until I found the support provided by you people who run and post on this site. I think we are missing something important if we don’t broaden the concerns to include more than sexual humiliation and degradation. Some people get off on mere nude celebrity photos. BTW, I am now 90 days porn-free.
Congratulations
on your progress. Yeah, as Gary says, "Whatever gets you going is what gets your dopamine up, too." He usually adds, "If a glimpse of a woman's ankle under her skirt could do it for guys a century ago...."
Content is irrelevant, and it's always good to keep that in mind.
Congratulations Jesse 90 days is awesome!
I totally understand your point and it is well taken. It's actually been around as long as the feminist anti-porn argument has i.e. "the feminists are focusing on the more 'extreme' porn and ignoring the 'nice' porn." I would probably agree with it too if it weren't for the fact that there is precious little of the kind of porn you liked (you may be corroborating this when you say you never found a site dedicated to it) and it also represents a small sliver of the market. More importantly it does not represent the future of the industry, the more extreme "gonzo porn" and "reality porn" does. The kind of porn that regularly features money shots, or other sorts of anti-women conventions. A more recent one being making love from behind with the man putting his foot on the woman's head, or spitting into women's orifices...and this is the tame stuff! I believe degradation and humiliation are the rule and not the exception.
I had a similar opinion to yours when I first attempted to quit porn three years ago. I remember asking the question in my journal "Where is the 'wholesome committed monogamy porn' that I can 'feel good' about watching that will support me in my desire for healing with regard to relationships?" Brother it doesn't exist. The wanking public has not demonstrated a great enough demand on the one hand and on the other the industry is well aware of the principles of brain chemistry that are elucidated clearly on this website. They have been well ahead of us in the understanding of reward circuitry, they just didn't have a need for a scientific understanding (or relationship healing,) their porn production needs are driven by the profit motive. Therefore misogyny and callousness are the rule, because unfortunately these things pay well.
Your experience sounds to me just like everybody else's typical porn habit. You spent too much time looking for the kind of porn you liked and found that a tolerance kicked in at some point then it was time to surf for more. This is pretty much the same story as guys out there with any taste no matter how obscure or raunchy. I think it's possible you are clinging to the idea that *your* porn wasn't as bad as everyone else's. Somehow though, you had the same problems, including issues in your marriage. I maintain that the "education" we receive from porn has a corrosive effect on relationships and that all porn, no matter how innocuous, drives a wedge between men and women. Hey, maybe this is just my way of rationalizing my abstinence, yet I think the evidence is on my side. There are plenty of broken relationships around and I believe porn (and the attitudes/behaviors it spawns) is a significant factor.
It's not my business to tell anyone else what to do or like or think, just to put out ideas that challenge the status quo that created this situation that many of us find ourselves in, so hopefully this isn't interpreted as any sort of personal indictment. Far from it. I'm the last guy to judge because I can't "unsee" the depravities I've witnessed, and feeling appalled, and yet paradoxically, still found a base pleasure. I'm glad I've learned about an elevated kind of pleasure that isn't destructive to relationships and that doesn't depend on dehumanizing another person.
Thanks for all your posts
Thanks for all your posts Dano. I for one appreciate your perspective and agree with you wholeheartedly. Thanks for spelling it out so clearly. It feels great for me to be hearing this all from a man, as I would have made a similar argument. Glad you guys are getting on the ball, figuring it out, liberating yourselves, and sharing your insights.
Blessings
Hotspring
Many women are too callous
Many women are too callous about porn. They won't have much conversation about it. They focus on disgust and how bad it is for women. Their dismissal drives guys right back to it. The sexes need to take the time to understand each other. Women should consider the deeper issues going on in the porn viewing guy. These deeper issues are not inherently bad. The fantasizing, romance novels, etc. women do is the same in many ways. It is harder to attack a romance novel as being denigrating to men than porn is to women. Nevertheless, female "porn" is not good. Not all guys are going to sweep a woman off her feet. That doesn't make us guys inferior. Rather, the female brain has also been desensitized. I think porn is equally bad for all because it robs both men and women of the true connection they seek. They judge too quickly because they are used to constant choice of new images, books, etc. Compare the same amount of time looking at porn or reading a romance novel with gazing into a possible mates eyes. Both have involve no touch, but the human looks back at you with expression, openness, warmth, etc. The human wants to look at you. Gazes are mutual.
You're right
that women, too, can get sucked in by "pseudo-mating cues" like romance scenarios. Everyone is indeed better off with real connections.
Part of the confusion comes from the message today that "getting off" is so healthy that any "aid" is really a health aid. *rolls eyes* And since women are only now starting to overdo it in large numbers, only now are many of them finding their way into violent, degrading stuff - due to the natural escalation process.
This double standard will shift as people (some day) become more alert to the effects of hyper-stimulation on the brain. Then we'll see we're all in the same boat.
I guess we are "innocent" only to a point...
Average, every day porn viewers like we used to be are trapped by a parasitic industry that essentially traffics in sexist depictions of intercourse. This is the direct opposite of something I learned about on this site which I am enthusiastically embracing: sacred sexual practice.
Not all women are dismissive of men who use porn. Many just go along with the men who look at it because they mistakenly feel they are not in a position to do anything about it. So "boys will be boys" and they throw up their hands and tolerate it the same way they have to tolerate other forms of sexism. Other women won't tolerate their mates using porn and rightfully so. They instinctively know "what goes on" in those videos and have a natural antipathy to it infecting the attitudes of the men in their lives. I think what the pornographers are doing is very different from the romantic fantasies of your typical romance novel. Further, it's even possible that romance novels exist at least in part because of the effects that porn and sexism in movies, tv ect. have on men's attitudes and behavior.
The men in the novels are actually in many cases
examples for men, while I also agree they aren't helpful at all if there is to be real harmony in a relationship. Many of the heroes are putting women's needs before their own. The hero of the fantasy novel would scoff at the porn user for aren't there enough real women in every day life to delight in, revel in their company and to fall in love with. Romance authors create a romantic hero who inhabits a fantasy world where chivalry isn't quite dead. Is it a wonder that men's attitudes and behaviors in the real world have driven women to such books?
No women shouldn't completely dismiss or condemn an individual porn user. Nobody should, as long as they are willing to also have an honest discussion about their own use. That's why I came here and I'm trying to get away from it and not have it in my life. I feel we men could benefit from trying to understand what women must feel like when they know their man is routinely enjoying watching some other man sodomize a woman on a video, or whatever it is that particular user likes to watch. To me that's a huge difference than being compared to some fantasy guy who always says and does just the right thing romantically. For one thing there's no violence involved in the production of a romance novel and nobody's sister/mother/cousin had to be treated like a "piece of ass" for an hour and a half.
Hey I totally agree though too there just aren't enough people on the bonding behavior bus. I don't care if anyone thinks I act like a "born again" Marnia convert. Let them scoff. Hugs are the best medicine and I won't hear otherwise!
Dopamine is dopamine whether
Dopamine is dopamine whether it comes from the brains reaction to porn or a romance novel. Super stimulation is just that. The issue of which is more wrong doesn't matter to the issue of the sexes withdrawing from each other. I don't think it helps men to feel inferior for falling for porn over novels. I actually think novels might in some ways be worse because they appear more innocent. It might be harder to recover from romance novels and fantasy than porn. Any women out there care to comment? Men seem to find fantasy harder to deal with than porn. It is hard to argue porn is great for society and perhaps equally hard to argue romance novels are bad for society. Maybe the novels depict good male traits, but men are not that perfect and the built up expectation is totally unreal. For that matter, what's with all the magazines women read? Put that drivel down and find a human to hug.
Chivalry is dead in my mind and thank goodness. Women can't have equality with out equality. Common courtesy still exists in the sense that the first person to the door holds the door and so on. I'm not going out of my way to open the car door for a perfectly capable lady who opens the door just fine when she drives herself.
Just my personal take -
Over the years, I've read a few romance novels - and most of the ones I've read (save one, which I will explain) were 99 percent "love story", and 1 percent, or less sex. Most of it was pretty tame, nothing much beyond what's suggested by the average daily soap opera. Granted, there's another type of 'romance' novel which is classified Erotica, and the vampire/fantasy erotica. These are a whole lot more sex, and a whole lot less story. The thing that I think is essentially 'free porn" for women is Slash Fiction. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slash_fiction . This stuff is short - it takes 10 or 15 minutes to read, and you already know the characters, and there's almost always hot sex, and the whole point is the hot sex, just like Porn. I found this stuff arousing, unlike the other kinds of romance novels, which I did not find arousing.
I have a dear friend who's recently written and published her first full length novel. I debated reading it, since I knew it was highly erotic, but I figured I that one book was not going to turn me into a Hitachi wand wielding addict, so I read it. It was a really good book, with a great story, and as I expected, lots of graphic sex. All of it part of the story line. It's book one of 10, and I plan on reading the next one. It didn't make me horny, like the slash fiction did.
Oh, and I've watched quite a bit of porn with my partner - and I totally understand the feelings of escalation, and looking for something 'more' the next time you go to rent a video, or download something. Maybe romance novels do this to other women, but there wasn't any comparison to how arousing/addicting/escalating the visual porn felt.
Quizure
A thoroughly beautiful woman and a thoroughly homely woman are creations which I love to gaze upon, and which I cannot tire of gazing upon, for each is perfect in her own line. Mark Twain
Novels may not be equivalent
Novels may not be equivalent to porn on an measure of addictiveness. Whatever the female porn equivalents are, they provide a some neurochemical fix that mirrors porn even if it isn't as extreme. It doesn't have to be novels per se. Also, I think many women underestimate the impact of porn on guys brains and more importantly how hard it is to keep it out. Maybe disgust insulates women more than men or women just don't understand it. Fantasy seems terrible for women...too many are waiting for some sort of magic they read about somewhere. When the guys don't deliver that, the guy is deemed inadequate. Some older women are upset they didn't have the princess' lifestyle they dreamed of (likely based upon stories they read). The effects of novel induced ideals might be worse than porn in some ways because the impact might linger longer. Porn might change how guys view women sexually, but I don't think it impacts other areas of relationships, especially once the guy returns to balance. Has anyone studied women in regard to any of this?
Interesting topic. Fantasy
Interesting topic. Fantasy and romance are pretty addictive. I noticed in co-ed SLAA meetings, the men were into porn/prostitutes and the women were romance/fantasy addicts. Although men had problems with fantasy and women had problems with sex for sure, but the women seemed heavier on the fantasy side of things as men seemed heavier on the sex.
I would agree with you that fantasy can interfere with relationships based on unrealistic perception and expectations. The last few women that Ive dated seemed to fantasize a lot. When we first met, everything is great, I am the knight in shining armor who can do no wrong, like to the extreme though. Then something happens to the fantasy and then look at me the exact opposite.
I was also seeing this girl who had a giant stack of romance novels on her table. I didnt think this girl even read (she was a bit of an animal) yet she was so into these novels. Same thing happened with her too. The relationship was based around fantasy for her, and around sex for me. Either Im going to find better sex or she is going to find the knight in shining armor. Either way, both of our perception is being skewed to serve the coolidge effect.
I am going to be aware of this the next time I get involved with someone. It doesnt need to be romance novels per se, its more that tendency to escape in fantasy that is suspicious, whether its in romantic comedies, constant crushes, or whatever flavor.
Here is a grim picture- men escaping through porn and women escaping through fantasy as a reaction, men escaping through porn as a reaction, a cycle of unfulfilled desires and expectations.
Courage is knowing what not to fear.
-Plato
When reality sucks...
Fantasy becomes the "norm." We are just talking about sexual fantasy whether porn or romance novels. There are all manner of fantasies keeping us from addressing reality...drugs, sports, religion, TV ect.
Who can blame those ladies, you are a knight of sorts. The ideal is to go on quests and to ascribe to a set of higher ideals (in the Middle Ages usually coming straight from God himself.)
Then today we have a guy like this......
http://deadspin.com/5609094/chivalry-is-dead-man-ducks-foul-ball-before-...
Back in the day knights were supposed to conduct themselves like this:
"Being obedient in all things to the commands of ladies, thou shalt ever strive to ally thyself to the service of Love."
http://www.astro.umd.edu/~marshall/chivalry.html
A lot of interesting things on that one worth a look.
This older article
has some interesting comments on chivalry by an early forum member: http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/courtly_love_chivalry_cortezia_cathars_...
Wow
I was beginning to get discouraged like maybe I was being too radical. This feminist analysis seems to me the most rational way to understand pornography. I know there are other men who are tired of the treadmill we are offered where in order to become truly "masculine" we have to hate, objectify and heap abuses on everything "feminine." (Especially if we see it in other men! Look at that poor kid from Rutgers who, instead of people finding out he was gay, took his own life!)
We are living in some pretty extreme times. In addition we live in a country that terminally refuses to look in the mirror. That said, as far as my being here is concerned, I am wary of being the self appointed "mirror person" on Reuniting so I'll try to mix up my posts. It's nice to know I'm not the lone "voice in the wilderness." Thanks for speaking up hotspring.
This has to be the best unintentional pun of the week!
You mean the left hand, right?
Ah-mazing!
I'll take full unintentional credit! I'm a righty for sho...
I tried to tie it into the Reuniting theme.
Let's face it there are so many people who came here *because* of porn it makes me wonder what the reasons are and also for the "crisis of monogamy" that seems to be happening in our culture. I'm with Marnia 100% on healing in relationships and also with people finding ways to separate themselves from porn as a prerequisite for actual harmony in relationships. Yet I still feel it's necessary to call out the industry for what it is and to give a rational for precisely what's wrong with it from a humanist point of view rather than a religious one.
I don't want to guilt trip anybody...especially myself. Ultimately I gravitated to the anti-porn philosophy of feminism because, as I've said else where, I don't just think it's about me anymore or "my addiction." That's a narrow point of view to act like this doesn't affect people in real life other than just me and my relationships or erectile dysfunction or whatever people show up here for. "Porn happens to women" is a famous quote of Andrea Dworkin pointing out that there are women and girls (and men and boys as Dragon pointed out above) in poorly lit rooms all over our country enduring very real sexual exploitation.
That is a problem that doesn't need to make *us* feel guilty. Though I'm included in the group that *did* feel guilty for awhile...till I came here and read Marnia's articles re: innocence and brain chemistry. Those articles and points are vital to escaping porn's clutches. After all most of us didn't produce porn professionally (alliteration?) or sign a law allowing it's proliferation. We can look at the people in Congress and challenge them, or we can challenge the legal pimps and porn distributors directly, as some feminists, men and women, did in the 1980's. For me it's all apart of building up an anti-porn ideology that will ultimately
me stay away. That might not work for everyone.
We feel guilty because in our hearts we know this new norm is totally wrong. I'm trying to give words to that little voice that we ignore when we see something despicable happen in the video but ignore it because it gives us pleasure. Why should we be silent?
Thanks
for speaking your truth.
I want to point something
I want to point something out. You said earlier in one part of this thread that "[Women] instinctively know 'what goes on' in those videos and have a natural antipathy to it infecting the attitudes of the men in their lives." Yes, this is true.
However, the problem is much, much deeper than the effect of porn on men, or even the conscious effect it has on the women they interact with. I want to talk about the effects of porn that go deeper than obvious physical effects and neurochemical effects, and discuss how these more surface effects dig deeper into the energy body and the subconscious.
I propose (as a bodyworker who works with people's energy bodies) that an infected attitude and the infected belief systems and behaviors that allow the infection to continue results in an infected energy body. I would propose that porn is not just objectionable to women because of its obvious and superficial negative effects, but more so because of this: to the extent that a woman's man is using porn and has made it part of his energy body, she will have to "take it in" when she makes love to him, into her energy body (read: into her psyche). She will have to make love to his pornographic imprints.
Women are made up of negative space. We receive imprints, energetic as well as physical imprints. That means that the importance of our need to really discern our opinions about porn use are NOT most importantly, intellectual needs, nor are they moral. Our need to discern whether we care if our man watches porn is crucial because if we don't, he'll be pushing energies into our body that we may not want there. The real effects of porn go much deeper than intellectual or moral or even neurological considerations.
This is not a minor issue, to let a man imprint you if he has himself mucky imprints. Being receptive means having to be more discerning than may be necessary if you have a kinetic, rather than receptive polar charge, as men do.
Really think about this for a minute: having a vagina. It means taking things in. If you try to put things into a woman that are distasteful to her, even if this is not on an explicit but an implicit level of the fact of your use and its effect on the energy and spirit of who you are and what you bring to her as a man, she will either emotionally and psychically resent you, or she will get physically sick.
Unhappy vaginas just lead to less sex for men.
Your energy must be completely clean and completely full of integrity for her to completely want to receive you, and to do so. To the extent that you compromise the integrity of your energy body, to that extent you compromise your woman's ability to really receive you.
So, you shortchange yourself, and limit your ability to experience the full capacity of sex.
Interesting. Is there a
Interesting. Is there a time-frame to this? Does a women perceive this on an immediate basis or are guys tainted forever with that women? Are there impacts on the male at this higher level...some sort of self imprinting?
Well, to ask if there is a
Well, to ask if there is a time frame for this is to ask about the relationship between space and time, which is a very metaphysical question.
Here is my two cents on that:
1) There is no difference between space and time, that is why "time" imprints can be seen spatially, and why things that happen in time are actually happening in space and why they become so problematic in our bodies. If time and space were different, something that happened in time would not affect us physically.
2) If this is true, then the longer the time imprints have been reinforced in space, the deeper they are embedded in reality, in matter, and in the space between matter, and even in the space between space. Most of these spaces and energy forms are really just less dense forms of matter which we have a hard time perceiving simply because we have not been trained to perceive them (and so are put in the category of "energetics"). However, they are certainly real. As such, these real, material, energetic, and subtle forms of matter (and experience) are constantly changing and shifting based off of our perception of them. Most of these energy forms live and act in the subconscious realm because people are literally too dense to perceive them. So they take shape in the form of urges, dreams, and various unexplained psychic drives.
3) Pornographic and violent imprints towards women have been reinforced for so long, over such a long expanse of time and long expanse of matter, and by so many people now, that these imprints have taken on their own collective energy bodies. That is to say that the tendencies of these behaviors over time, at a certain point stop being individual, separate instances, and become a historical and trans-historical force to reckon with, also making people who otherwise might not be susceptible to them, susceptible to them.
4) These energies, at this point of reinforcement, are also known as an entity or an archetype. An archetype or entity seems to exists when it has been reinforced over a very long period of time in the collective consciousness. There are healthy archetypes as well as unhealthy ones. It seems an archetype's goal, just like an individuals or any organisms, is to survive. So they can become very domineering in people's personalities, whether the archetype is that of the Rapist, the Wounded Feminine, the Whore, the Divine Nurturing Mother, the Virgin Goddess, the Protector, the Warrior, etc.
5) At this point of enchantment with an entity, we are talking about spiritual wellbeing, of both the individual and the culture. For archetypes and entities are SPIRITS. They are very real, but less dense, forms of energy and matter that affect our behavior and also interact with and affect the state of y(our) soul.
6) If an imprint or entity is deeply entrenched, and if it is an unhealthy entity, it may begin to compromise healthier entities, cloud a person's judgement or perception, truncate them from their sense of power and purpose, distract them, or leave them physically drained. If it is a healthy entity that has been reinforced, the person will feel more energized, more loving, more aligned with their purpose, and more sensitive to their body, their life, and their fellow humans, plants, and animals.
As to the question of whether women perceive this on an immediate basis or not, that is also a difficult question, because there are many layers of perception and many different skillsets in managing perception. A woman may perceive these energies, consciously or subconsciously or both, depending on how tuned in she is to her body, her dreams, her man, her energy body. If she is very perceptive of the subtle energies, she will be more able to identify energies she does not want to mix with, and she will have probably perceived already the negative effects of such energies on her body through trial and error. If she is not as perceptive she might not be able to navigate her own boundaries as well, might take on imprints from men that she does not want, and will find herself sad, weepy, depressed, irritated, angry or whatever, without knowing why. She might then beat herself up about it, reinforcing the negative imprint. Her self-esteem will be low, the integrity of her energy body will be compromised, and she will likely get physically sick. The sickness might be a wake up call.
Some women have been compromised for so long, and imprinted from such an early age, that they might be very strong and very luminous, but unable to recognize their lightbody and their health because the distraction of their sickness might be too much to bear, and they may have identified with the sickness too long (yes, health and sickness can and do reside together, it is not one or the other). I have one client who was molested at a young age then raped at 12. She has horrible ovarian cysts every month when she ovulates, painful and heavy periods, hemmorhoids and blisters on her vagina, migraines, food allergies, irritable bowel syndrome (inability to process, take nourishment, or digest things from the outisde, not knowing if they are "safe"). This woman is also at the same time extraordinarily strong and healthy in her spirit.
The point is that with every sign of disease, health shows up to counterbalance it. The wholeness of a person continues to operate despite huge compromise. So, we need to learn to orient to the health and not to the disease. We need to build our familiarity with what works, what feels wholesome, and how miraculous our life is. That way, we can build our energy body, our light body, and the reinforcement of this will eventually crowd out the more disturbing entities.
The interesting thing about this space time continuum, and the good news, is that entities can be banished from the psyche (often with help from a good shaman, or a well-attuned spiritual practice). Healing can actually happen instantaneously. Healing actually DOES happen instantaneously, all the time, at various still moments, in various luminous moments. But it does not stick or gain momentum because we overlook these moments. We have been told that healing and health is a momentuous, cathartic, and sudden event that is noticeable. Actually, and to the contrary, healing is a sense of deep peace, in which not necessarily a lot is going on, when we feel balanced and equanimous. Since we are looking for intense healing, we overlook our own healing even when it is right under our noses.
Are there imprints on the male, you ask, on a higher level, some sort of self-imprinting?
Well yes, men can also be imprinted, of course. After all, they have a receptive, feminine side, just as women have a masculine side, and can and do make imprints, some of them also very violent, on the world.
They say in many cultures that there are only two ways to get sick: either the person has given a part of their soul away, or a part of the person's soul has been taken from them. If you have given it away, you must find what that piece is and take it back, reclaim your wholeness and your soul. If it has been taken away (as in the case of a rape), it must be found again. Either way, the process is one of reclaiming our birthright to be whole.
It is a spiritual problem, and it is a spiritual solution. Many people have to get very very sick and depleted before they are forced to start looking into what and how physical problems actually manifest from spiritual problems, after visits to doctors, changes in diets, and rational and intellectual approaches have failed to give them the peace they are seeking.
Life is BIG. So are our souls.
The first step is doing yourself the honor of acknowledging that you have a soul, and so does everyone and everything else. Once you have done that, you simply cannot treat yourself or anyone else in the same way. Life is sacred. Knowing this, we must act according to this realization in real time and real space.
NOW.
Have no fear of lasting taint
Here's a passage from one of my favorite texts, the Hua Hu Ching, a Daoist book attributed to Lao Tzu:
PS
Hotspring, as I re-read this, it strikes me that it also belongs on your "wholeness" thread. You are right that at a certain point, perhaps sooner than we think, it is well to ignore the negativity and focus on aligning the best in ourselves with the best in creation...and recognizing their unity. Thanks for the reminder.
Beautiful! Thanks for
Beautiful! Thanks for transcribing this. Love it.
Female receptiveness like a room?
I’ve been thinking about female receptiveness. I tried to envision this on my way home today. At first, I thought receptacle, but that seemed too clinical and sexual. Then I thought of a room (I suppose it could be a house too). That leads to the question of whether a man wants to enter the room of a particular woman or simply stay outside. I guess that is analogous to ladder theory if the woman is controlling the doorway. I don’t know much about ladder theory, but it seems less visually clear than the room concept. The ladder suggests someone is superior, that there is a blind leap a man must make across the divide. The room concept is more neutral. We like to explore, e.g., a room in a museum. Perhaps the newest observation is that I could sense some open space within each women. I can also see how it might be scary to have to fend of the men who want to enter the room. I’ll keep exploring.
I think one of the Daoist
terms for vagina is "jade cave." Kinda like a room, but more mysterious.
Interesting. I'm trying to
Interesting. I'm trying to look at the entire female. A room seems better because it is life size proportionate, there is room for me inside, and there is a door which I suspect is important for both sexes. Maye I'll think of the vagina as the comfy chair by the fireplace. If you like the Chinese terminology, http://www.hps-online.com/tsy6.htm .
I noticed today that many magazines at a newsstand now show men and women from at least below the hip up. I think they want us to buy based upon a limited sexual focus. The notable exceptions I found were The Economist and The Oprah Magazine. Those were also perhaps the only two worth reading. I'm looking for the woman worth getting to know so I've got to stay macro focused.
I hadn't thought about this
with such a large scope, but I have noticed that the lovers I had who clearly had no kink vibe, I have often referred to as "He's like a spring of clear water." They didn't need me to put on suggestive lingerie or role play. They didn't need variety. They just *really* liked women, and sex for its own sake. The formula was simple: naked woman=erection and enthusiasm for intercourse for as long as possible.
I finally understood the sentiment behind Aretha Franklin's, "You make me feel like a natural woman." Never have I felt more attractive than with one of these men. I'm happy to say Gary is one. He doesn't even like me to wear make-up he finds me so attractive "as is."
Perhaps today's obsession with female plastic surgery is due to the fact that so many potential male partners are lost in the kink forest and having trouble finding their way out. *sigh* The sad thing is that those fake boobs aren't going to keep 'em happy for long either. A numbed pleasure response always seeks novelty.
Amazing song.
Always admired it. Cool story behind it too... the "natural man" and the "natural woman"...mutually reinforced goodness.
From wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%28You_Make_Me_Feel_Like%29_A_Natural_Woman
"(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman" is a 1967 single released by American soul singer Aretha Franklin on the Atlantic label. The record was a big hit for Franklin, reaching number 8 on the Billboard Hot 100, and became a standard song for her.
Co-written by the celebrated writing-producing team of Carole King and Gerry Goffin, the song was inspired by Atlantic Records co-owner and producer Jerry Wexler. As recounted in his autobiography, Wexler, a student of African-American musical culture, had been mulling over the concept of the "natural man" when he drove by King on the streets of New York. He shouted out to her he wanted a "natural woman" song for Franklin's next album. In thanks, Goffin and King granted Wexler a co-writing credit.
Incidentally there's a tune by an artist of the same era who still performs regularly, Taj Mahal, "Natural Man." Couldn't find it but it's terrific.
Hadn't heard that
Thanks for posting it.