libido suppression

Submitted by rayjay on
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i'm new here. hi all. just wanted to know if anyone is familiar with anyway, that is not dangerous, to suppress or even shut off libido? i'm not interested in jokes about castration or "try getting married" or the usual. resources on this topic are nearly non-existent, even on the web. is it possible to suppress, shut off, or even end libido? i've heard about various techniques (mula banda). i've read some about depo-provera. what do you guys know about it?

Hmmm...

this site is more about relationships than celibacy. However, you could probably learn some interesting things about why today's porn jacks up libido (while decreasing satisfaction): http://www.reuniting.info/intoxicating_behaviors Once you know more, you may choose balance over suppression.

Also, consider exploring some of these solo exercises for cultivating your sexual energy to bring it into balance: Solo Practices
http://www.reuniting.info/node/3299

thank you Marnia

Marnia, what can i say. i really respect you and your research and analysis so i will do that. but i must ask about this because balance is not going to work. libido is a huge drag and did not subside with age as i assumed (in my early thirties). it is very distracting and can cause anywhere from a lot of grief to untold suffering.

Yes,

learning to befriend our libido by working toward balance is tough. But it's not as hopeless as you seem to think. First step: forgive yourself for whatever you got up to. Smile Second step: forgive everyone else's nonsense, including parents. Third step: learn and apply ideas for coming into balance. Fourth step: Don't get discouraged when you don't meet your objectives from time to time.

*big hug*

geez Marnia. i'm blushing

geez Marnia. i'm blushing over the internet. i guess i was just expressing what was on my mind. i have been keeping an eye out for info on libido suppression on and off for a while. i have some discipline, but in the end am overcome.

Until you have a partner

achieving perfect balance is probably an unrealistic ideal, unless you really want to screw with your head, or go live in a monastery. Smile

But you can learn how to avoid escalation. For example, if you masturbate skip the porn (and porn fantasy). It registers with your brain as "super valuable," which can throw you into bingeing. http://www.reuniting.info/has_evolution_trained_our_brains_to_gorge_on_f... Simple masturbation without fantasy, or with loving fantasy isn't as much of a problem.

Avoiding spicy food and junk food can also help, as do exercise and socializing. All help balance the brain naturally.

Nothing to blush about, by the way. Smile Sex is a really important part of life. It's just a bit of a challenge to find balance.

interesting

so what you're suggesting is to masturbate when the urge to do so comes, but don't make a big production out of it, just get it done. hmmmm. i don't engage in it that much. i'd rather not at all. i don't know that sex is really all that important or if we make it so due to our reproductive instincts.

I'm not

suggesting you force yourself. But as you said, you eventually "give in," so why not try a gentler way of giving in that doesn't overstimulated the reward circuitry of your brain with intense stimulation (that your ancestors' brains certainly never evolved to cope with)? See if you find your stress about the whole subject eases.

Forcing sexuality doesn't work very well...whether the force is to suppress or jack it up.

*chuckle*

Well, if you find a way, let us know. I suspect sex is one of those things where we have to respect that force of will is only part of the solution. Any chance of finding a partner?

I'm trying to solidify my

I'm trying to solidify my thoughts and then I'll make a new post on my take on libido. I want to put together one post that will address, at least from my limited perspective, both too much and too little libido.

In the meantime, what does libido mean to you? What problems is libido causing you that you want to suppress it? Do you want celibacy? Something else?

Freedom isn't free (to be cliche)

Be careful what you wish for. The type of freedom you desire may come at a price you didn't initially consider. If you could cut off your libido, I'd suggest that it would be akin to cutting off your own arm. Sure, you're "free" of it now, but at what cost? Would it be worth it, in the end? I don't think the freedom you're imagining will actually come from somehow suppressing your libido, or destroying it.

To get kind of biblical, St. Paul discusses the the thorn that he wishes God would remove, but never got his wish. In the end, however, he writes that the thorn, despite its initial annoyance, was ultimately "good" for him, and he developed further around this 'thorn' as opposed to having it removed. Why not view the challenge of dealing with the libido in the same light?

I'll confess, about a year ago while I was trying this stuff, I too had a similar feeling, that if I could just cut it off, I'd be better for it. In the end though, that was more frustration with the process than a real wish. Now, I simply couldn't imagine not having a libido. It's taken a long time, but I am finally beginning to understand how to live with the libido, as opposed to resisting or ignoring it. And I feel great. The libido is not gone. The desire for sex with women is not gone. But I've learned to live with it, accept it, as opposed to simply discharging it on compulsion. I'm sure I'll discharge again, as all humans are want to do, but the past 2 months i've finally grasped how to just constructively channel it.

It's not a suppression you need. It's an expression. You need to keep busy. Get more involved in social things. I didn't believe, and yet, now, after 3 years of just nothing, I'm chatting with a girl I'd never thought I'd ever see the light of day of getting a chance with. Not this type. But heck, it's exciting. It motivates me even more. But really, I wouldn't have gotten even there without what I've been struggling to do while here. Get back on the wagon. It will take time. We wouldn't be here if we weren't already at rock bottom. It's okay. Even just 3 or 4 months ago I think I was complaining to Marnia about losing track and feeling kind of helpless about it all. But, eventually I dusted off the boots and said, "Well, I need to channel this into something I care about it." I knew the summer was over, and I had a lot of work ahead, so I channeled it into that, and becoming socially stronger. Thus far... it's working. Just took the effort of trying despite any results.

Be strong.

Fisherman, you said: "I'll

Fisherman, you said:
"I'll confess, about a year ago while I was trying this stuff, I too had a similar feeling, that if I could just cut it off, I'd be better for it. In the end though, that was more frustration with the process than a real wish. Now, I simply couldn't imagine not having a libido. It's taken a long time, but I am finally beginning to understand how to live with the libido, as opposed to resisting or ignoring it. And I feel great. The libido is not gone. The desire for sex with women is not gone. But I've learned to live with it, accept it, as opposed to simply discharging it on compulsion. I'm sure I'll discharge again, as all humans are want to do, but the past 2 months i've finally grasped how to just constructively channel it."

what were you trying? what did you do?

"It's not a suppression you need. It's an expression."

what exactly does this mean?

Well

Well, what I TRIED to do was just ignore my compulsions. I resisted my desire to view porn and masturbate. Now, I know that makes little sense. Of course I'm supposed to resist. But it was kind of like "fighting" it. I wanted to not accept my desires at all, so I just ignored them instead. But really, I was just letting it stew in my head and I wouldn't act on it. I'd let myself feel "uncomfortable" and just kind of "complain" through the ordeal. I was able to put on a good show though, and go for several months, but each and every time I did that, I eventually had a full out relapse. I'd go right back to square one.

Expression means that instead of resisting things and continuing with the status quo, I busied myself with other things. I socialized more. I went to activities more. I read about my interests in certain topics more. I basically channeled all of that "pent up desire" into something else. Instead of resisting my urges, I "forgot" about them since I was too busy doing something else. That isn't to say that the desires don't exist, or never crop up and distract me at times. Instead, I simply accept their existence. Sometimes I think it's cold outside. I don't get all pent up about it though.

I'm not sure how to put it in words. Lately, I haven't been struggling too much to get by the day to day. Sure, there were a few weeks after the 40 day mark where I'd say "Phew, this is going to be tough." But I just kept myself busy and said "My goal is channel this energy here and here, interact with people here, go see that girl at her house here instead of sitting at the computer 'resisting'" I always had a back of plan of where I would be if something else fell through. I'm not a huge social bug either. I don't have a massive collective of friends that go out. But somehow, I managed to make full days of everything. And I talked to people more. Talking to friends, or chatting up women,has been very relaxing. It has a calming effect.

I don't know. We throw the energy away because we're used to not using it. Channel it into something else instead.

I know, sounds like a bunch of new age stuff, but I think it's grounded in a lot of what people before us have said.

interesting

yeah, i am pretty good socially and as far as channeling energy, i'm good at that. but i don't feel it is sufficient. just looking to always keep busy. i feel, but don't know, that it would be so great to be rid of this. some herb with no side effects, something.

I do sympathize

But drugs, and even some herbs have side effects. Prozac-type drugs often squelch libido, but I hate to see you do that to yourself without first trying to use your sexual energy to connect with others. It really does help. And forcing yourself to do that may actually make your life better on many fronts.

Would you say you are shy?

hi Marnia

i know about prozac and such. that's why i asked about this here. i read about how bad all of these medications are. i heard mixed reviews about depo-provera. i don't want to sound like i am out of control. far from it.

as far as making my life better, i can't say it is bad. that may be the impression i left.

no, i am definitely not shy.

Well, if you're not shy

then why are you so sure you can't have a social life that involves potential mates? What am I missing here? Is it just a determination to be self-sufficient? I can sympathize with that, but it may not be the best way to go, for a number of reasons--some of which are inherent in your brain's design.

i guess i no longer feel

i guess i no longer feel like going through the trouble. it can be financially draining as well. yes, i would have to go out. there is no way around that no matter what anybody says. i don't necessarily "need" a mate. at least i don't feel i do. i only talk to woman if i like or think i might. i don't need a girl just to say i have one. yet, the libido persists. not all the time. but it is there. that's why i was looking to dump it. at least temporarily. this will sound lazy, but, it is too much work to maintain a woman and i'm not particularly up for it. yet, the libido is there. it is difficult and not fun. the thrill of the chase and all of that crap went out the window years ago. i know it is inherent in the brain's design. i know i am looking to undertake something counter-natural. that's probably why i will lose. i don't really care to go out much. i used to, but that wore off with age. i am largely self-sufficient mentally-emotionally so i don't have much "need" of others.

Hmmm...

I'm not suggesting you'll benefit from the thrill of the chase. I'm suggesting that you will benefit from an exchange of energy nourishment with a partner, based on mutual generosity. To you, your jaded, economical perspective seems like progress. Many of us reach that point. Smile A belief that you don't need others seems like self-sufficiency, but can actually be low-grade depression...which only becomes evident when it's behind you.

If you were to approach relationships differently than you have in the past, you might find you feel a rapid increase in well-being, and that you even create more abundance in your life. But you would have to educate your partner...or you'll get the same results as before.

let me clarify

"To you, your jaded, economical perspective seems like progress. Many of us reach that point. A belief that you don't need others seems like self-sufficiency, but can actually be low-grade depression...which only becomes evident when it's behind you."

it's not about progress. i am actually quite poor without mobility and would not be able to support a family or even two or barely myself for that matter. that situation will remain although it now seems tens of millions of others will join that club.

"If you were to approach relationships differently than you have in the past, you might find you feel a rapid increase in well-being, and that you even create more abundance in your life."

i haven't really had much trouble. my learning is through the mistakes of others. my approach is due to reality and (others) experiences. i don't don't know what to say about creating abundance. i am an expert on thriving in scarcity. really, some people are impressed with it.

"I'm suggesting that you will benefit from an exchange of energy nourishment with a partner, based on mutual generosity."

probably would but this is not likely. what you describe can only happen to the Marnias. this is rare and no, i will not be a special exception. while many laws of life don't apply to me and usually the reverse is true for me, it is only good for trivial things and often sets me back. way back. most women are not interested in mutual generosity. that's the way it is and you know it. sure, when they get much older and are no longer nubile many see the light. but that don't do me any good now, yesterday or tomorrow.

anyway, i may be stuck in between going this direction or the other (desirelessness). perhaps i am in limbo because i secretly want to do what you suggest. i suppose if i could totally commit to desirelessness it could work. a quote i am sick of reading describes this situation:

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too.

A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. I learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets:

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!"

sick of this quote

hahaha

well, you did ask me Marnia. i apologize if i wore you out. i meant no harm as i am a respecter of you and your work. this is why i was looking to unload my reward circuitry. besides, that quote hasn't been true for me or anyone i know. i've been bold many times.

thanks Marnia

i did speak the truth. sorry to disappoint you. i'm not really pessimistic as i may have come across. i'm not depressed or anything. i was just contemplating letting go of my reward circuitry if that is possible without harm. which it appears it is not, ugh. it is hard to convey. i know myself and my life so well, but you can't so it is hard to get across. i've closed the door on most worldly wants. but biology is in my way, lol!

what does that mean when you say "did you aske the oracle for insight"???

not depressed

I can't pretend to know what your life is like, so I just want to ask. You say you're not depressed. But all your posts point to at least a low-grade depression pervading your life and worldview. There is a certain part of you that comes across as jaded as a cantankerous 80-year-old who's sore at the world.

If you're not depressed, how would you characterize your emotional health right now?

And no, I don't think you can turn off your libido any more than you can stop being hungry. But unlike hunger, you *can* convert your sexual urges into positive, non-sexual behavior.

J

well, well

"I can't pretend to know what your life is like, so I just want to ask. You say you're not depressed. But all your posts point to at least a low-grade depression pervading your life and worldview. There is a certain part of you that comes across as jaded as a cantankerous 80-year-old who's sore at the world."

i know it sounds like it, but i'm not depressed. my worldview is reality. i can't help how i come across, it is hard to display tone over the net. i sound erratic, but it may be the no "o."

"If you're not depressed, how would you characterize your emotional health right now?"

pretty good actually.

"And no, I don't think you can turn off your libido any more than you can stop being hungry. But unlike hunger, you *can* convert your sexual urges into positive, non-sexual behavior."

dammit!

I'm going to try. Here is

I'm going to try. Here is what happened to me. Some people, myself included, are by nature realistic and a bit cynical. That is fine. I'm also an optimist. Anyway, for years I have not been able to enjoy things in the way others enjoy things. I would go to a movie and objectively enjoy it, but not actually enjoy it. I would thus tend to be critical. Those critiques were very valid. However, I might not have been critical if I could feel enjoyment. I'm working not to lose my critical ability because it is important and valuable. This feeling rebalancing process takes time because we become numb and develop brain patterns of being critical and acting in anti-social ways. Even though we feel good, we don't feel good in the same sense as others. So you can and probably do feel good, but you might also come across negatively to others because you don't feel good in a broader sense. I do not advocate only happiness. Balance is the objective together with the happy, sad, and whatever else life dishes out.

Let's revisit this issue in a few months. You might be surprisingly different after more abstinence and self exploration provided you are ready and willing to look deeply into yourself. I think you're a little different already just from being forced to defend your current world view. There is a lot of wisdom thrown around here. We're all coming from similar but slightly different places and the insights here are great even if it takes a while for us to get balanced enough to make sense of any of it.

is that bad

should i not do that. i know women don't respect guys that are too polite. but in your case it is hard not to be. as i get older i notice i become much nicer. i hope i didn't come across as rude before. it's hard to convey tone over the web.

hey man

Re-read through this thread. I hadn't realized that your primary reason for coming here was to find a way to suppress libido. I was under the impression that you were trying to temporarily suppress libido in order to accomplish something else.

Your libido is your power source. It can be a jet pack that propels you to accomplish so much. I would submit that it would be easier to take all that energy and use it to construct a life that you're sincerely happy with. That may include a mate, or maybe not. A better job? Closer friendships? Rather than push down your libido...what about life would you like to push upwards?

As Marnia says, this site is really focused on people searching for healthy sexual relationships. Hell, even all this PMO abstention was just an offshoot of that original purpose. I don't think you can make your libido go away. At best you can harness the energy and use it to push you to get the things you want out of life.

J

yes

jman1601 wrote:

Re-read through this thread. I hadn't realized that your primary reason for coming here was to find a way to suppress libido. I was under the impression that you were trying to temporarily suppress libido in order to accomplish something else.

J

that's kind of it. i wanted to see if being loosed of this burden would help me accomplish. i was wondering if there was a way to do this temporarily or even permanently. if temporarily works, then i can apply it as a shut-off switch whenever i want.

sex transmutation

Being loosed of the burden is not what helps accomplish...it's harnessing it's forces that provide you the fuel for accomplishment. You've done a search on sex transmutation, right? People have been studying it for decades as a way to accomplish huge feats. If your goal is to push yourself to higher echelons of achievement, turning off the libido's the wrong way to go.

If your goal is relief from your raging hormones...it might just be endless cold showers. Sorry man....our bodies were designed to urge us to enjoy sex!

yeah i know

but our bodies were designed for perfect circumstances.

"it's harnessing it's forces that provide you the fuel for accomplishment."

what does this mean? how?

raging hormones is not cool.

I think you have to stop all

I think you have to stop all PMO. Then your hormones will settle down a little. You body will naturally adjust. You are making it worse in some ways by edging. It sounds like you gave up quiting M because it was hard. We all understand exactly how hard it is, but it is worth the effort to at least try and learn about yourself more fully.

you could write a whole book on how

Back in the early part the 20th Century, an aspiring author by the name of Napoleon Hill wanted to interview a wealthy baron by the name of Andrew Carnegie (Carnegie Steel, I believe) to have him share his wisdom on how he had become such a successful businessman. Carnegie made a counteroffer...he told Hill that he'd finance a multi-year project where Hill would interview the most successful, most accomplished leaders in every industry, field of study, sport, and cultural advancement. Hill was charged with the duty of finding the common traits and practices that led to the highest levels of achievement.

The result was a book called Think and Grow Rich.

If you have not read it, I encourage you too. I can already tell that there will be a lot of cognitive dissonance between the teachings of that book and the attitudes you hold today. You likely will fight many of the ideas in your own mind. But I encourage you to keep an open mind, and remember, the teachings weren't derived from Hill's own religion or thinking, but rather from the shared wisdom of the most accomplished men and women all over the globe.

I can testify that the book changed the course of my life and has been a best seller for decades, impacting many many more who came before me. Even Marnia herself references is in this article here :) http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/sex_abundance_napoleon_hill_think_and_g...

One of the principles Hill references is that of converting your sex energy into a formidable fuel for your own achievement. One website summarizes it here: http://www.belinda-cunningham.com/10-the-mystery-of-sex-transmutation/

This is not one of those things that works for all except 1%...of which you -- as usual -- are in that exception. There is a common sense to this. Your sex drive is creating all sorts of havoc of supercharged energy in your body...it's making you horny, it's making your mind race, it's distracting you all the time. Now whatever that energy that is that's driving you crazy...imagine that you could use that to double your work capacity? You are not the only one trying to do this. Professional MMA and boxers know that right after orgasm the testosterone drive all but disappears. Learn from those who came before you, and I encourage you to experiment with it yourself

I only wish I had the sex drive you had! I know it's painful now, but you've got the raw building blocks for greatness. Hopefully after another few months of PMO abstention I can catch up!

J

we'll see

about that. as for Hill i am aware of him and his ilk. all the talk of "harnessing" is usually vague. what exactly would a transmuter need to do? a technique? a mantra? what? always just "harness" this or that. i don't know dude. i'm sure it works for a lot of people. i know myself well and most 'rules' and 'laws' of universes and what not else don't apply to me.

you're killing me here, rayjay

Ilk? Have you even READ THE DAMN BOOK?!

Yes. I am well aware that nothing works for you. I'm sorry to hear that because I know you're yearning for something better. It has me wonder why you even bother? More relevantly, it has me wonder why do I.

In all sincerity, I hope you do some research on the sex transmutation. To "harness" is to let your sex drive inspire you. To let it drive your imagination and creativity. For centuries, artists were inspired by muses. It's the same thing. Read the chapter. Talk to others who use their practices. It is said that "charisma" is the ability to take the natural sex energy and convert it to emotional connection and persuasive ability. This stuff is real.

And really, the "nothing ever works for me" attitude is not likely helpful to your cause, despite the fact that I know it really does look that way from your perspective. This will be your great challenge for the near-term, it seems.

J

naw, man

I know where you're coming from. I really do. At the end of the day, you're going to have to decide how to get yourself out of the rut you've got yourself in. Just remember, a certain way of thinking cannot solve a problem when the problem is being caused by the certain way of thinking. Unless, of course, that law only applies to everyone but you Wink

Keep trying...you can get to where you wanna go.

i'm just saying

don't take this the wrong way or get exasperated. i'm not trying to mess with you. i don't really feel in a rut. where i was thinking of going was the desireless state of full letting-go of sense indulgence. that was why i wanted to suppress my libido.

Wow, now I'm with you.

rayjay wrote:

letting-go of sense indulgence.

Wow, now I'm with you. Try skipping PMO entirely as an experiment and without arguing. Have you seen http://www.reuniting.info/node/4773 ? I'm not tooting my horn, but with balance and by giving you can relax sense indulgence. You can help get to balance by contributing here through your process. It helped me a lot. I don't think you will getting there while masturbating. Have a little faith. You can always go back to your old ways.

yeah

freedom wrote:
rayjay wrote:

letting-go of sense indulgence.

Wow, now I'm with you. Try skipping PMO entirely as an experiment and without arguing. Have you seen http://www.reuniting.info/node/4773 ? I'm not tooting my horn, but with balance and by giving you can relax sense indulgence. You can help get to balance by contributing here through your process. It helped me a lot. I don't think you will getting there while masturbating. Have a little faith. You can always go back to your old ways.

i'll check it out