♥Karezza positions, foreplay, etc.

Submitted by Telepathy on
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I am wondering if some karezza veterans could answer some logistical questions about how they go about the practice with their partners-

Things I am wondering about are:

1. Position(s)- what position do you find best for karezza? How do you proceed to get into it? Are there any subtle aspects to the position that you have noticed that would be helpful to know about?

2. Soft vs. hard entry- is there a certain percentage of times you do one or the other?

3. Foreplay- how do you begin karezza sessions? Do you have oral stimulation? Kissing?

4. Length- how long does a karezza session last usually? Is there a minimum length of time you recommend a session being, generally?

5. What is it like while you are doing it? The penis (usually hard I am guessing) is just in the vagina? Are you moving much? How far in is it usually? What do you think about? Do you talk? It would be awkward if you and your partner were not very close emotionally/intimately, correct? Do you suppose many people who have one night stands and so called "casual sex", etc would actually maybe be kind of embarassed to do karezza together because it would reveal how unconnected to each other they actually are?

6. Do you schedule your sessions? How do you usually begin them? How often do you have them? Everyday?

I could go on and on asking questions but maybe you get the idea- pretty much I will have a girlfriend soon I expect as I am concentrating so much energy on it- I'm thinking of doing karezza with her, and the thought of how it could be potentially awkward to sort of just *sit there* inside her for a half hour or so occured to me- obviously this is not the case for folks here who do karezza, but does it make sense that it could potentially seem that way to someone who has never done it? So if I am going to sell her on it I would like to feel a little better prepared! Any responses to these questions will be gratefully received.

Comments

Such good questions!

I would love to weigh in on this tonight, but have to get to bed relatively early (can't wait to hear others weigh in as well).

But just wanted to say I think you are going to make some woman very, very happy once you find each other! Your questions show such great sensitivity and I know that will be reflected in your lovemaking.

rediscovered

What really matters is

your own discoveries. Positions don't matter, although comfort does. There are a bizillion positions in the Richardson's books. Have you read Tantric Sex for Men, for example? http://www.reuniting.info/tantric_sex_for_men_richardson

For new lovers who are "hot to trot, " I recommend scissors position, because it's not "explosive." Smile It's pictured in our book and also in this presentation, which might be useful to introduce the concept to a new sweetheart, as it explains why one might like to try another approach to lovemaking. http://www.reuniting.info/download/The%20Hidden%20Factor%20in%20Relation... (43 minutes long)

We generally start with lots of kissing and touching...for at least 15 minutes I would say. Gary mostly touches my breasts; I often hold or squeeze gently his penis. We connect when we feel like it. Usually Gary has an erection, and pretty much always has one by the time we finish connecting...even if we decide to try soft entry. I kinda like soft entry because it's fun to feel the erection grow inside me. Smile

If we relax into stillness, his erection tends to fade and then grow again as we become more active, but the feelings of "meltiness" seem to continue irrespective of the hardness of his penis. In other words, the delicious feelings aren't movement related; they're awareness, or energy-flow related. I feel a tingly energy throughout my abdomen and in my lower back, and sometimes it runs from my knees to my throat.

I'd say a minimum of 45 minutes would be good. It can last as long as you like.

During karezza, I think about being receptive, about feeling the desire to have him deep inside me, about the "melty" feelings, about how much I love him...and how nice he smells. Smile We don't do much talking, but we share a few words - often playful. We change positions often - generally from side to side with a stop in missionary in between. There's not much in-and-out movement though.

Casual sex is not likely to yield successful karezza because usually too many sparks are flying, and both partners aren't on the same page. I do have one friend who has successfully persuaded her partners to use it during casual sex. Her story is here: http://www.reuniting.info/node/4476 Feel free to PM her about her experience.

We no longer schedule our sessions, but that's because we try to make love every day...and generally do. When our lovemaking was more vigorous, every day was sometimes too much. Not sure why.

I almost hesitated to answer these questions because it's really important that you experiment and find what works for you. Also be aware that that may change over time as you become attuned to more subtle feelings. Every book I've read on karezza has slightly different suggestions, which tells me that precise technique is less important than basic concept + refinements of your choice (and your sweetheart's choice).

So!

The main thing I have to say about it (and perhaps this will ease your mind as to how it all works) is once you and your lover learn to be present and conscious (with no external intruding thoughts), with your minds focused on your genitals and your bodily sensations, you will find there is no right or wrong way and that things will go the way they need to go and for as long as they need to go.

You will probably end up being amazed at how time passes...we can be together for what *feels* like 15-20 minutes and then discover it's been over an hour or so (easily~~there have been times where we've stayed connected over 2 hours and even fell into a sublime sleep in the middle of it all).

As far as positions, Marnia is so right about the comfort. The best position is one where you both can completely RELAX your bodies. We usually start out in missionary (but it's very triggering for orgasm for both of us) and then roll over onto our sides with legs wrapped around each other. Then we'll switch sides or I will be on top. The key is to try to not disengage while you roll around! (which is fun and funny and should be something to laugh at, which we do).

In the mornings, we tend to gravitate toward scissors because it is soooo relaxing and we're already very relaxed. We will shift where my leg is (over his, under his, etc.) and sometimes change our angle, but the nice thing is we can talk and look in each other in the eye while in this position because it is very casual.

And talking: most of our talking revolves around saying what comes to mind at the moment (how things feel) and it is good to say those words out loud if you can. I love knowing what he's feeling at the moment and he loves hearing me say what I'm feeling, too. There are times where we'll lie in an embrace and just talk about something else, too. But for the most part, we do try to spend that time focused on the moment at hand and not on outside conversation.

Soft versus hard entry: We usually try soft entry when we are both really tired, but still want to connect anyway (like right before dozing off to sleep at night). The soft entry usually becomes hard entry pretty quickly, though. No matter how tired. Smile Once you are fooling around with lubrication (which is always on the nightstand) and so on, it usually isn't long before the penis responds. But we have inserted it completely soft and I, too, really enjoy feeling it grow inside me.

Kissing: We kiss a lot. It gets us both in the mood and we both enjoy it so much. When I am kissing him, I am also allowing my focus to go to my vagina (relaxing it) and that, in turn, will cause his penis to respond. I love for him to kiss my breasts, too, and that also causes his penis to respond, lol. As far as oral, we don't do it nearly as much as we used to and now the intent is so much different. Every touch we give is done in a way so as not to arouse, but to feel nice (to the giver *and* the receiver). It is hard to explain, but there is no hungriness and no urging forward toward orgasm, so it's all just very slow and delicious. But let's just say we both get kissed and licked *all* over our bodies.

As far as length of time, again, you'll just *know* when it's time to end (you might have something you need to do or you both might just feel happy and satisfied). OR, you might need to stop because you are getting too close to orgasm (I don't like stopping like that--I like for him to stay inside me until his penis is soft and then we gently part). We've had "quickies" where we connected before we had to go to a party (and that is a really nice way to start your evening!) and we've also had mornings where we've been connected for 2-3 hours (rainy mornings are nice for that).

As far as it being awkward to lie there in stillness--yes, it would be if neither one of you were focusing on all the wonderful sensations you were getting through your genitals and instead, thinking about the weather--that is why it is so important to be aware of your own body. Because it is FAR from dull!!! Things are happening that you can't even believe are happening and it feels so good if only you can stay in the moment and feel it. There is pulsing and throbbing and electrical charges and moments where you can feel every little nerve and cell in your body.

The longer you do it the more sensitive you become. In the beginning, you might thrust and move more, but eventually, you get to where you cannot do that much movement anymore and don't need to move that much. My lover says he moves when he feels like he needs to--his penis just seems to know when to move and when to be still. It also seems to know where my little tight spots are and how to heal them. It's simply amazing. The Richardson book talks about how the penis becomes snakelike (partially erect) so that it can conform to the curves of the vagina. And it does. And it feels WONDERFUL.

I really hope you can get a copy of the book Marnia mentioned~~and once you find a sweetie, let her read it, too. It explains a lot of what we are trying to say here. And you will see this is the universal way the penis and vagina will communicate with each other once they are allowed to do so.

Good luck to you!

rediscovered

Jelly

From my experience karezza lovemaking is so individual there are really no rules and each couple finds there way from feel. Its about as Zen as it gets. I think of it as a meandering river, you just get in it and see where it takes you.

With that said, here's our general routine. Morning is without a doubt our karezza time. The day is fresh and whatever "stuff" was roaming around from yesterday is usually washed clean. We start with cuddling and some times even a little talking. If there is something on either one of our minds we like to share it so our minds and emotions are present, not distracted. We like stroking, and I don't mean genitally, although occasionally. Its mainly back, arms, legs, head, almost light massaging, We do this while embracing face to face, often on our sides.

I dont know if I have ever done soft entry, she just turns me on too much. By the time we're embracing its at attention.

In general we like it face to face, we both love the full body contact. Occasionally spooning or sissors. Pretty much every day, figure about an hour on average. Almost never less than a half hour. If all we have is a short time we pass and save it for when we can really indulge. Karezza quickies just dont seem to cut it for us.

One of the best parts is that its always evolving and changing, over the month, over the years. It never stays quite the same. You'll find your way as well.

Rediscovered, that is such a lovely post. We are developing a karezza workshop we plan on teaching this year and want to read some personal experinces during class. Would you mind if we used some of what you said in this thread? Its so beautifully expressed.

Thank you~

Thank you, Darryl, and yes, you may use my words at your workshop (how fun!)~

And I was thinking about our "quickies" and they most likely work for us because we are not together every day like you and your wife--so if he comes to see me after a week of being apart and we can't "connect" properly before having to go out in the big world (to a party or whatever), a quickie lets us get that engine roaring again until we can come home later and give ourselves proper lovemaking time!

rediscovered

Thank you everyone

for these amazing responses from almost four months ago now- at the time I did not even have a prospect of a girlfriend, and it had been years since I had last been with a woman- and my sexual experiences overall had really not been very good- so these responses to my questions were a bit overwhelming! But now that I am seeing someone, questions of optimal karezza positions and approaches are really front and center for me! So having these sharings to read over again is a real gift :)

I'm glad this thread popped up again

I've meant to add that we often enjoy a gentle rocking motion. We're on our sides. The movements are small, and neither fast nor slow.

Something about relaxing completely, while gently moving, is deliciously, but not too intensely ;-), arousing.

We'll have to try this-

btw, I'm finding some diagrams in CPA really helpful- after trying seemingly "52 positions in a one-night stand" as the Prince song goes, the "bridge position" and the "scissors position" look really good- I also want to do the position pictured on INC's blog a lot: http://imnotcoming.tumblr.com/post/7171814482. We actually tried that one briefly, and she'd never done it before. She has an 8-petalled lotus Buddhist tattoo on her foot, so I think she'll get a kick out of that position. Wink

What you said here sparked

What you said here sparked some thoughts about a aspect of karezza that we experience.

We find that practicing karezza holds a kind of "space" where thoughts and feeling can percolate without pressure. On a somewhat regular basis we experience a sort of movement and resolve of "stuff" that may be a bit stuck. It can be anything from our relationship, to the kids, the business, or something entirely personal.

After a karezza session we can be just lying there and answers and resolutions to situations just "arrive" which is delightful. In fact, it sometimes happens right in the middle. We'll feel the energy shift when it happens and simply stop to talk/share around what's going on. Its a gentle wonderful proccess.