Found a way to masturbate without orgasm, with no effort to prevent orgasm, feeling awesome afterwards! (old post)

Submitted by spiky on
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Hi folks, this is my first post on this site. I hope I can provide some ideas of value.
The short story: 7 days into my first no orgasm trial, I decided to masturbate without orgasm. It was awesome, and I didn’t orgasm. I felt awesome afterwards.

The long story...
For some context, I’m I guy, 27 years old, not addicted to porn.
Okey, so now what happened. I wanted to have sex, but my girlfriend is not around for a few days. I read here that masturbation without energy circulation exercises is very frustrating, so I was worried I would set off cravings and make it harder on myself to make it the full 14 days (I have 7 more to go) without orgasm. But I had been desiring masturbation for almost a day, so finally decided to go for it. I got some lube and got going. I spent over an hour and a half masturbating, I had so much pleasure I just wanted to keep going.

One important difference this time compared to how I normally do it is that this time I generally avoided stimulating much the posterior side of the glans (the side where the frenulum is, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Frein_du_pr%C3%A9puce.jpg ), and focused on the anterior side of the glans (the anterior side is the one that touches your belly button if you take the penis towards it. Here’s a picture to clarify: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Anteriorglanspenis.jpg ). I think this made a huge difference. When I masturbate without porn the normal way, I feel an urge to cum in just a minute. The stimulation builds up and I want to explode. I can control the urge to ejaculate by easing on the stimulation. Normal masturbation stimulates the anterior side (it stimulates everything, but the anterior side is more sensitive for me). However this time, by focusing on the posterior side, I was able to experience pleasure for a lot of time, because very strangely the urge to ejaculate just didn’t build up, so as a side consecuence I also didn’t have to practice much control of anything. The pleasure was very intense at times. It goes without saying that I was doing it without porn, and I think this also was a good choice, because the entire time I was focusing on the sensations and pleasure, instead of being focused on what I'm seeing.

So if you ever try to jack off without orgasm, I would recommend stimulating only the anterior part of the penis. I don’t know how this could work for porn addicts trying to go through reboot, I just know it worked for me. Tip: The lube (KY gelly) was really "handy" for this kind of anterior stimulation.

I also did quite a bit of deep breathing during the thing, and generally felt quite relaxed. The erection wained a bit sometimes and came back when I wanted. Instead of being super excited trying to stave off eruption for a few more minutes like when I normally masturbate, this time I was having a great time but also relaxed. I applied a couple of tips I remember from reading one of Mantak Chia’s books, such as caressing my entire body while at it, which felt good and probably helped get some oxytocin going (some years ago I would have tough that to be “totally gay”, but luckily it didn’t take away any of my heterosexuality! Smile ), and also touching the prostate region as well as the entire penis, as opposed to just the tip of it.

The aftermath...
I could have gone on and on, but after over an hour and a half decided to let it go. The erection went away easily (a lot sooner than if I had done it the normal, hyperexciting way but without orgasm). When I ended, I felt the same “orgasm high” I normally feel the next 5 minutes after really intense masturbation with very stimulating porn and with 3 or 4 ejaculations (at least for me this is what produces the most “high”). And most importantly I felt really peaceful, for the next hour particularly. Also I was more alert than I would be after orgasm. It will be really interesting to see what happens tomorrow, if I crave sex or if I don’t think of it like what usually happens the day after I have sex or jack off. Ideally it will have filled my “I-got-enough-of-it tank” for a couple of days. At least that’s how I feel now, 3 hours afterwards. Last night and several times during this day I wanted to masturbate and the thought of it was in and out of my head, so it’s really great to feel no desire now.

Some background on me...
I’m not addicted to porn, though I did use to get off to porn. I started very young in high school with porn, first magazines, then images on the internet, and finally free streaming videos came around. Luckily my cycle was usually that, for 2 or 3 days I would feel no significant sexual desire, then sometime 2 or 3 days after my last orgasm I would get horny, grab some porn and get off. My porn tastes never escalated, they’ve been the same since early high school. The frequency of orgasm also never escalated much. Porn didn’t create a need in me, it just enhanced the experience of wanking when I wanted to do it (it felt like the experience generated a lot more dopamine and stronger orgasms than when I masturbated without porn). So that was all good and well, back then. I even had a girlfriend some years ago and never had much trouble with impotence. The relationship lasted 2 years. I went back to porn when that was over. I’m now back in a relationship, only that with my current girlfriend I’ve had bouts of impotence right from when we first started having sex. At first I was really worried because my erections were very unreliable when we wanted to have sex. It went on for a month and then generally disappeared. Only a long time later I made the connection between porn and impotence. When I took up porn again (still in my current relationship, but sometimes I would want to masturbate), some weeks later I would start having episodes of impotence. It was horrible. I was so much more attracted to the exciting figures of women in porn than to my girlfriend, but I had to refrain from watching porn in fear that if I did, my friend might just not work when we had sex. The picture was looking quite gloomy. There was no way my girlfriend would measure up to a porn actress, even though the relationship is very satisfying outside of sex, but I didn’t just want to stop having sex. I even fantasized that when the relationship was over (if ever) I would wank off to porn every morning. Also I figured that it was much more likely that I would have impotence if we had sex before 2 days had elapsed, but ideally 3, since my last orgasm, so I did a lot of counting days and trying to predict the future (when we would have sex, figuring out if I had enough time to chuck in some wanking off before), which as you can imagine was quite stressful.

So here’s where Cupid’s book comes in the picture. I found it by looking for porn addiction. At first the idea that there could possibly be ANYTHING wrong with orgasm seemed totally nuts, and I’ve read it before on other books and discarded it without second thoughts. This time I decided to give it a try, for 2 weeks, chiefly because I’ve never gone so far since about I was 9 years old, so if the “passion cycle” really exists, I’ve never come out the other end to have some perspective (I hadn’t found this “2 weeks” idea in other books). I anticipated a lot of blue balls and sexual frustration from having sex without orgasm, also because my girlfriend thinks the no orgasm idea is total nonsense, so she wouldn’t be interested in karezza. To my utter surprise, we’ve so far had sex on two ocassions without orgasm, and I was fine afterwards. And then of course today’s play was awesome without orgasm.

So far, so good. Looking forward to crossing the 2 week line.

If anyone else tries the trick of stimulating only the anterior part of the penis, share your experience, how you felt afterwards, and also please mention whether you have a problem with porn or not (I'm curious to know how that affects the experience). Of course, if you are trying to reboot from a porn addiction, it would probably be easier for you to totally avoid any kind of masturbation, so I hope you don't find this idea "inspiring".
And if you're a woman, it would be great to know if there's a way like this to get off alone that releases sexual tension (as opposed to creating frustration).

Be well!

Welcome Spiky

That's a treasure trove of information! Thanks for sharing. To what do you attribute the impotence? Internet porn has become more extreme, and the delivery faster. I'm wondering if it's a problem for your brain now, even if it wasn't before. If so, you have a lot of company. Smile

Glad you have an open mind. That's always a good thing in life.

Let us know if you experience a "chaser." I want to know before I add your remarks to the "healthy masturbation" section on YBOP.

Start a blog if you like.

No chaser one day after! And why impotence for me

Hi Marnia, it's great that you're so active in this forum!

As for the "chaser", nope, all normal so far, it's been a day since the experience and I still feel satisfied, haven't had much interest in masturbation today (which for me is what I would expect if I had ejaculated yesterday). Totally unexpected, at least following the conventional wisdom that "you have to ejaculate to relieve tension", something I believed "religiously" up until I read the book.

Regarding your question about my impotence, here's my take on why it hadn't happened before, even though I've been masturbating to porn since age 14 as I mentioned. My first "partner" (not serious enough to call her a girlfriend) was when I was 20. By that time I don't remember watching many varied porn videos, just lots of porn images. I had just one instance of impotence with her, but it may have been just random chance, considering the fact that during the 7 days we where together we were having sex once or twice daily, a lot lot more than my usual "masturbation rythm". That was shortlived so not much experience with her. My next partner was a serious girlfriend for almost 2 years. I did have maybe a couple of episodes of impotence PER YEAR, so I would think that's just normal, zero impotence for all practical purposes. At the time I even masturbated to porn videos every now and then in between sex with my girlfriend. Okey, here's the kicker: this girlfriend I had when I was 23 (the one I just described) was for me just as sexy as any porn star with big breasts. That has since time immemorial been what really turns me on in women, either real women or porn. And she had them great. So could it be that she was so exciting to me that sex with her was just like watching porn videos, except that the actress was "always the same", and that because of this, I didn't experience ED at the time?

My current girlfriend is definitely not a porn star by my standards. She's sexy, but just "normal sexy" (I hope nobody takes that to be demeaning). I had ED with her the very first time we had sex, and for the first month afterwards it was a very common occurence (back then we were having sex very frequently too, you know the honeymoon thing). I even have lots of nude videos of my ex girlfriend (the "porn star"), so that definitely didn't help my well being. At times I would just wonder why the hell couldn't I just have it all, the body of the woman of my dreams, but with the awesome love and fun that I experience with my current girlfriend outside of bed. Luckily those thoughts have been missing from my mind this whole 8 days I've been without orgasm.

So the short answer to why the onset of ED was at age 26 for me and not earlier, is that I think my previous relationship was a lot like having sex with a porn star for all my brain cares about.

Also like I mentioned, my porn tastes never changed and never escalated. I don't know why but I'm glad about it. Also my porn use never escalated. I never began to consistently turn to porn to "medicate" personal problems or bad moods like I've read some addicts do. I only used porn when I was horny, I got off with it and then usually two or three days would elapse before I felt turn on again.

Thanks a lot for your work Marnia!

Marnia wrote:

That's a treasure trove of information! Thanks for sharing. To what do you attribute the impotence? Internet porn has become more extreme, and the delivery faster. I'm wondering if it's a problem for your brain now, even if it wasn't before. If so, you have a lot of company. Smile

Glad you have an open mind. That's always a good thing in life.

Let us know if you experience a "chaser." I want to know before I add your remarks to the "healthy masturbation" section on YBOP.

Start a blog if you like.

Very helpful

Kinda consistent with the "superstimuli numbing the brain to normal pleasures" information, eh? Wink

The good news is that skipping the PMO seems to shift perception of one's actual mate, who begins to look "cute" regardless of physical attributes, or rather their physical attributes begin to look surprisingly cute. (For example, I'm goofy about Gary's pointed nose, and I never recall having a "thing" for noses in the past. Wink )

Anyone interested in how porn can cause radical perceptions shifts might find this article interesting: http://yourbrainonporn.com/porn%20and-perception-is-your-limbic-brain-di...

Glad there was no chaser. That's a great sign. I've added a synopsis of your info and goldstar's to this page: http://yourbrainonporn.com/are-there-any-guidelines-for-healthy-masturba... I'm trying to share various guys' thought on this subject, rather than suggesting one "right" way. Anyone else can chime in, too.

I agree

I have practiced as you have described, controlled self-stimulation for a number of years. It increases ones self control, most helpful during either conventional sex, or karezza. It can also alleviate pressure on the "system" by slowly and gently allowing miniscule amounts of fluid out of the prostate area. This pressure is sometimes referred to as "blue balls". I find that it is also a completely healthy and refreshing practice in that it allows us to embrace our bodies sexuality head on, and simply feel good about ourselves, without falling victim to the biological urge to ejaculate and continue the species.
I am not talking about reaching a level 9 in stimulation (where 10 is to orgasm), but rather more of a controlled feeling of no more than perhaps 5-7 or less. It is I feel an excellent method of learning our trigger levels, and how to be in control of them, not to mention a most enjoyable bit of self acknowledgement. And as the poster mentioned, there is no porn involved whatsoever. Thanks for
posting this, and "happy practicing" :)

Re: I agree

Hi goldstar, I'm really glad to hear about your similar experiences.

By the way, the kind of "controlled self-stimulation" you describe, is it controlled because you avoid over exciting the posterior part of the penis, or is it controlled just because you take it slowly and breathe deeply? Just curious about the specifics of the technique.

You mention that your practice helps you develop self control, that's great. My one experience with this "technique" is that it required NO self control at all, in stark contrast to the urge I feel to ejaculate when I normally get off without porn. Also that's why I could go on for an hour and a half. That's just my experience, everyone's different of course.

Thanks for commenting!

goldstar wrote:

I have practiced as you have described, controlled self-stimulation for a number of years. It increases ones self control, most helpful during either conventional sex, or karezza. It can also alleviate pressure on the "system" by slowly and gently allowing miniscule amounts of fluid out of the prostate area. This pressure is sometimes referred to as "blue balls". I find that it is also a completely healthy and refreshing practice in that it allows us to embrace our bodies sexuality head on, and simply feel good about ourselves, without falling victim to the biological urge to ejaculate and continue the species.
I am not talking about reaching a level 9 in stimulation (where 10 is to orgasm), but rather more of a controlled feeling of no more than perhaps 5-7 or less. It is I feel an excellent method of learning our trigger levels, and how to be in control of them, not to mention a most enjoyable bit of self acknowledgement. And as the poster mentioned, there is no porn involved whatsoever. Thanks for
posting this, and "happy practicing" :)

That's great feedback

How long did it take you to master this, would you say, goldstar? How often do you ejaculate? Are you still playing around with karezza?

Just a caveat for other readers. If this is *not* working for you, it can mean you haven't rebooted sufficiently yet. The limbic system signals are overriding your frontal cortex (rational brain). Be patient and reboot first.

Marnia,

I suppose I have been practicing the technique for several years, but it was only 2 or 3 months ago I stumbled across your most excellent site here. Frequency of ejaculation? Zero on my own, and since beginning karezza with my wife, only once. It was our anniversary nite out, about 6 weeks since we had
last orgasmed, so we decided to "celebrate" the anniversary with a lovely orgasm after long drawn out karezza. (I think I had over 20 contractions, it was unbelievable). Spiky, I do not have to refrain from touching the sensitive underside, but remember everyones physiology is different, what works for one is not always the same for the next. I just simply stop, before reaching the "red zone".
Lastly, a couple of general comments, you young fellows in your 20's who are experimenting with abstinence , good on you! I wish there had been this kind of info around 30 years ago when I was your age. Of course you have to deal with the massive availability to porn, as well now, so perhaps that would have not made much difference. I want to make one last point, and perhaps Marnia, or rediscovered, or anyone can help me on this. I think that there is a powerful spiritual aspect involved here too, in overcoming the "animalistic" urges of us humans. I am in a process of figuring out why we are here, and what this is all about. My particular path in unravelling these mysteries has to do with spiritual ascension, enlightenment, and understanding. For anyone who may be interested in looking into these things for their own interest, here is an excellent website resource: http://spiritlibrary.com/
Again, everyones path is different, and we all need to figure out what works for us.
Cheers.

Yes

"My particular path in unravelling these mysteries has to do with spiritual ascension, enlightenment, and understanding."

For me, as well, goldstar~~what's interesting is I have started to see conventional sex as almost not evolved, if you will. My lover and I watched a show on television the other night where people called in to a radio show about their sex problems and it almost felt as if we're not even on the same planet anymore because we don't have the issues that so many do, thanks to karezza. (such as, "my husband would rather masturbate than have sex with me" or "my boyfriend wants a threesome, what do I do?" etc.) It felt surreal, like outsiders looking in at the rest of the world.

It's a lovely place to be right now and I don't ever want to go back! Smile

rediscovered

An update

Hi folks, thanks for all the info, and it's nice to hear your experiences.

I'll share some experiences related to masturbation as they occur in this thread, and then maybe someday start a blog.

Okey so yesterday was one day after my first experience with non-O masturbation. During the entire day I didn't think about sex, which was great, because before the experience I had spent an entire day with thoughts about it coming in and out of my head, so in a sense masturbating without O made me recover emotional balance.
Then last night couldn't fall asleep, so I decided to go for it again. It was great, a very long session again, no orgasm, but afterwards I feel so satiated like when I orgasm. Today so far haven't had any chaser effect, and I think it's just not going to happen as long as I stick to no O.

As for the entire no O trial, which so far has been running for 9 days, it feels awesome. My mood is normal, not worse than when I had a more or less regular orgasm "schedule", but I can't say that much better either. What does feel great is that I no longer worry about my member losing interest in the middle of sex and having to go to bed frustrated with my partner, like it has done many times in the past. I think that as long as I don't orgasm, it really doesn't matter when was the last time I masturbated or had sex, whether it was yesterday, today or 3 days ago, my fellow is going to be ready for sex whenever the occasion arises, and THAT'S a huge relief. It's also great that in my case it has so far taken no effort to avoid orgasm, because kept the frequency of sex that feels right. I was also kind of worried that karezza would be the only way to have non-O sex without blue balls, but not.

Be well!

Daoist

Well oddly, I tried, and got some weird long term after-effects.
With my previous girlfriend I applied some of the techniques in Mantak Chia's book The Multi-Orgasmic Man (didn't pay much attention to the energy circulation stuff, just the thing about tightening the PC muscles to avoid ejaculation). At the time it was OK, and also allowed me to hang on to my seed long enough for her to reach climax. Something very odd happened after a year of using the technique: I discovered that after ejaculation (through masturbation), my erection didn't go away unless I stopped stimulating, so I could have several ejaculations without the refractory period (I would usually go for between 2 and 4 ejaculations, but I did try once to do I think 9). It was very odd. Up until that time, no matter how excited I would be before ejaculating, after it would predictably go down, but once the no refractory period thing happened once, I could do it every time I wanted. And there was no technique whatsoever, it was just normal masturbation. Porn did play a role, after the second one a lot of stimulation was needed to keep it up.

Since then I have abandoned the idea presented in the Multi-Orgasmic book about having multiple orgasms without ejaculation, because I was worried that putting so much pressure in the prostate area could do harm. At least for me it's very forceful to avoid ejaculation while continuing stimulation. What I have kept and use to this day when having sex, is that when I feel I'm about to orgasm, I tighten the PC muscle but also withdraw from the vagina, so stimulation stops. This way I don't orgasm but also there's less force required and the urge to ejaculate goes away sooner. I also don't feel contractions. During sex I usually have to use this technique to avoid orgasm about 4-6 times. Maybe someday karezza will make it unnecessary for me.

By the way, I was always curious to know how common it is that men be able to ejaculate several times without the refractory period. So far I haven't heard from anyone to whom that happened.

Ballooning?

Well, it's definitely not like jelquing, and as for ballooning, not quite. I read that the purpose of ballooning is to stay very close to the edge of orgasm for a long time (and not orgasm). Sounds like a recipe for frustration. I'd rather stay further from the edge, be more relaxed, while still feel pleasure.

This helped

I've had issues with PIED and been free of porn for 1.5 years now and had some major improvements in all areas.

One thing that has always remained a temptation is masturbation.

I got a lot out of the initial post and the conversation afterwords, so I wanted to say thanks.

Actually, this is one of the

Actually, this is one of the techniques I learned from Taoist books many years ago. That's how I could mtb and also have sex for a long time. I can have sex for 1 hour and still control myself to not cum.

The bottom part of the penis is super sensitive. THe top part is less sensitive. If during sex you can control the thrust angle of your tool so that most of the pressure is on the top of your penis, then you can have sex for a long time.

I'm finding this to be a great practice...

...Since reading about this on saturday I've practiced it a few times and immense pleasure although I'm still getting my technique down.

What I find is, you have to be totally relaxed for this to work. It's not a quickie in the bathroom technique, there is no way to make it enjoyable in a few minutes, you need time.

I've also found it to be a great way to relax and calm the nerves.

Amazing really. I never thought it was possible to masturbate without the uncontrollable desire to ejaculate but i've found that to be wrong.

With this form of masturbation, the pleasure is so much greater than frantically masturbating to orgasm.

My minded has been opened.