The real purpose of the site is to help people see that there is a separation mechanism at work between the sexes, that it is part of our biological programming, that it serves an evolutionary purpose, and that it often makes our lives very...sour, by driving us away from our most nourishing relationships. It causes us to devalue our mates and overvalue opportunities for casual sex.

The site's purpose is also to share various traditions that stumbled upon insights that have to do with tiptoeing around biology to move toward lasting harmony in relationships by learning how to manage sex differently (steering away from orgasm, toward mutual giving). For me, the really exciting piece is the hidden synergy possible between the sexes that can promote healing and serve as a spiritual vehicle.

This site is not *really* a site about avoiding ejaculation while single. That issue has been an active one on this forum lately simply because a number of angelic men have been discovering that they're hooked on porn, and have been determined to try to abandon their addiction. This is a sound (temporary) objective in their cases...at least until they stabilize.

But celibacy with avoidance of orgasm is not really the goal. If men or women were to succeed at that...we'd just have another version of "separation." And the synergy possible between the sexes would remain untapped.

I'm not sure not sure that celibacy with total abstinence is very sustainable. That being said, I believe that some self-control is a far better goal than uninhibited sexual expression (simply because of the latter's potential for creating an unruly addiction). This is where I thoroughly disagree with the mainstream media and most of today's sexologists. They are simply ignoring the fact that sex is governed by the same circuitry of the brain that governs all addictions, and pretending that "unlimited orgasms = unlimited happiness." As my husband says, "that's obviously not true, or porn addicts would be the happiest people on the planet. They aren't."

If you ARE convinced that you want celibacy with abstinence, or want to experiment with it for a while, you might have a look at Mantak Chia's book, "Taoist Secrets of Love: Cultivating Male Sexual Energy." It has practices for solo practitioners. Even in his book, however, I remember a question from a pupil to this effect: "What if I'm doing the practices and I still have lots of wet dreams?" Chia answered, "Listen to your body, and find a woman."

In short, maybe the sexes need each other to tap their full potential, and maybe there's a reason that celibacy and abstinence are not very sustainable. If they were, we'd be stuck in our separate egos indefinitely. Since they aren't...we at least keep trying to find our way to deeply satisfying union.

As you can see, I'm for merging, or "reuniting," instead of sustainable separation.

As far as specific advice about timing and masturbation without stimulation to orgasm, your experiments are as valid as anyone else's. Self-observation is a great tool.

Guilt about masturbation or ejaculation is definitely NOT a goal of this site. Here's a segment from an old book that I recently put up on the site. I think it has one of the more balanced discussions of masturbation that I've read (although it's laughably out of date). He explains the need for an exchange of sexual magnetism to ease sexual tension. Whether he describes the exact problem, I suspect he's a lot closer to the answer than today's sexologists.
http://www.reuniting.info/sex_perfection_marital_happiness_von_urban/ch_...

Hope something here is useful.

There are some major advantages to finding this material in between relationships. The main one is that you can hear the validity of it better when you can look back and see the truth for yourself.

Think about it. If you're in a new relationship, or one that is operating on a honeymoon of mutual sexual addiction, then it seems like all is well and the material on this site is insane.

If you're in a relationship that is already suffering the effects of the "separation syndrome," then your perception has already shifted. You are SURE the problem is your partner, and that the disharmony in your relationship has nothing to do with sex.

So the best time to find this material is now. Simply by educating yourself, you will be in a better position to educate a potential partner when she shows up.

Did you see this "LA Times" article that I just put up today? http://www.reuniting.info/science/this_is_your_brain_on_love

The problem is real. What's still missing in the media is widespread knowledge of the ancient solution.

Well, I've gone a week without an orgasm. It has been interesting. It hasn't been as hard as I expected. It feels like there's a constant pool of energy inside me that I can tap into if I want. I've just been exploring the feel of it all. I'll see what happens next.