Day 30 and the need to blog

Day 29 11/19/11: I had a chaser effect and MOed again. I only lasted a few minutes but thankfully I wasn't a 10 second man like earlier today. Still in a good spot emotionally. I can't sleep though. I have a prescription for sleeping pills that I may start taking again. I wanted to avoid taking them just so things could be natural but it has been a real struggle to get to bed. I've really been working on cutting out the fantasizing and daydreaming so maybe that is the culprit behind my sleep struggles. I still daydream but for a much shorter duration. Furthermore, they are completely PG (no dream girl or sex related thoughts).

I seem to have issues with my relapses when I can't sleep or wake up from a mid-day nap. I think a solid sleep schedule would help. I've been eating pretty well. Yesterday was the first time I drank soda and alcohol in almost two weeks so I'm pleased about that. I've been working out a good bit and staying active. I'm gonna work on the sleeping and see how it goes. Hopefully over the course of the next few days my chaser effect will dissipate and I can start MO abstention attempt 20,445,144 (not literally but you get the point).

Day 30 11/20/11: No morning and back to zero libido. I slept pretty good though. To my surprise my anxiety has been very low. My afternoon was all over the place. I had some very disturbing thoughts about porn and past sexual encounters. I felt lonely and depressed today. I had a moderate desire to pmo. What surprised me the most though was my desire to smoke a cigarette. I legitimately wanted one today. I haven't had a craving like this in months. I spent so much time smoking cigarettes and pmoing when I got down that I guess I'm still craving that at low points. I just went on google to look up a book title and for whatever reason a naked picture of a woman came into the related images. I had a twinge downstairs but it honestly did not do much for me. I saw a risque Victoria's Secret commercial on TV today and legitimately had to walk out of the room. I'm trying to avoid all TV, youtube, and movies that have any sexual images of women in them so as to not hinder my reboot.

Barring a relapse, tomorrow will mark one month pmo free. I can't recall the last time I went a month without porn and and pmo. I'm 59 days away from reaching my goal of no MO for 60 days (and what will hopefully be 89 days of no pmo). I've had relapses but I know I'm making progress. Thanks to everyone who has supported me thus far.