Bonding BehaviorsWant to bond more deeply with your lover? Use these behaviors to speak directly to the only part of your brains that can fall in love, or stay in love. The desire for, and rewards of, these behaviors are deeply rooted in millions of year of evolution. Enjoy!
- smiling, with eye contact Note - Here's what one man said as he experimented:
- skin-to-skin contact
- holding, or spooning, each other in stillness for at least twenty minutes to a half-hour
- wordless sounds of contentment and pleasure
- stroking with intent to comfort
- massaging with intent to comfort, especially feet, shoulders and head
- hugging with intent to comfort
- lying with your ear over your partner’s heart and listening to his or her heartbeat for several moments
- touching and sucking of nipples/breasts
- gently placing your palm over your lover’s genitals with intent to comfort
- providing a service or treat without being asked
- giving unsolicited approval, via smiles or compliments
- gazing into each other’s eyes for several moments
- listening intently, and restating what you hear
- forgiving or overlooking an error or thoughtless remark, whether past or present
- preparing your partner something to eat
- synchronized breathing
- kissing with lips and tongues
- gentle intercourse
- cradling, or gently rocking, your partner’s head and torso (works well on a couch, or with lots of pillows)
- making time together at bedtime a priority (even if one partner has to get up and work on something afterward)
What I realised is that it's not only about engaging eye contact but two other things at the same time: Being in your body instead of your head and having the sincere motivation to connect with the other person by wanting to feel him / her. That's interesting and important. Engaging eye contact while still being in my head didn't change anything for me.
Exchange of the Day
- These Exchanges are designed for couples who have completed the program of Exchanges in Cupid's Poisoned Arrow.
- Although they are designed to be a bit playful and adventurous, they are not necessary to strengthen emotional bonds. The simple bonding behaviors listed above are equally powerful.
- Please use discretion in doing these Exchanges. If your health may not permit a suggested activity, check with your health care provider first.
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