 |
Info and excerpts |
| Habit to Harmony Forum |
Resources
Navigation
User login
Search
Subscribe to RSS
Consult the Oracle
No partner yet?
Bonding Behaviors &
Exchange of the Day
Help! Porn Addiction in Progress
Has the porn industry gotcha?
Many millions of dollars (or other currencies) were spent to trap you (or your loved one) in this escalating cycle. And many millions of years of evolution unwittingly made the trap possible. So there is nothing to feel guilty about.
Your situation is grave - and calls for a completely new and unfamiliar direction - but it is not as hopeless or 'unnatural' as you may believe. Links between sexual arousal and weird things (even dominance, violence, and perversion) are possible because of the neurochemicals our brains produce in response to things that are shocking, risky, guilt-producing, or pain-producing. For example, the common act of circumcision can link pain and victim fantasies to eroticism.
The fundamental problem is that, through a galactic oversight, you were turned loose in a physical body without the instruction manual for how your primitive brain operates. Here's a copy, so that you can resume command.
Instruction Manual for the Primitive Brain
- Lust and the Primitive Brain
- We're ALL Wired for Sexual Addiction
- Shock/Guilt + Erotic = Highly Addictive
- Muddy Angels
- The Realities of Withdrawal
NOTE for mates: You may want to visit "My Lover Is Hooked on Porn"
This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of the science behind human mating patterns and addiction, and the relevance of parallels revealed in various spiritual traditions. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner. Any information you receive via this site or the forum is not professional advice and is provided solely for educational and informational purposes. Thanks for sharing your experiences and insights, as this is a group effort. Please know that anything you share at this site, even in posts protected from public viewing, may be included in future materials, although extreme care will be taken to insure that no details that would identify you personally will be included.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported License
Comments
Marnia's commentary on Porn Addiction rings true for me...
As a recovering porn addict, I really find the information which Marnia has presented here both appalling and full of hope.
I think that pornography addiction is a MAJOR problem in today's all-you-can-eat internet society. We have invented the perfect medium for the pleasure/reward part of our brain to go full out.
Once hooked, wives, jobs, self-worth, all of it can become secondary. I hope that people own up to the drug that has them in such a trance and choose to fight for their freedom.
Marnia's "Peace" method is helping my wife and I get out of this fog and into the true light of pure love.
Thanks Marnia for your powerful work.
RO
releasing the inner temptress
"Peace between the sheets" opened my eyes for a new reality. Instantly my partner and I decided to implement Marnias advice. Little we knew of the pit falls awaiting. We do not have addictive personalities and we liked the idea of challenging our self-discipline, yet we are both fond of our sexual charge, the kinky imagination and the temptor/temptress image we had for ourselves. A lot of ego had to go broken along the way. Our relationship has a huge polarity combined with deep trust and open heartedness. But we have been reluctant to let go of our "edge" inspired by porn and kinky sex. When we did we felt "boring" and "weak", threatened. We want to do it, tired of failed relationships and with hearts open to heal. Yet again we are deep down some place reluctant to let go of our inner temptor/temptress.
Violet
help
I have also been informed and inspired by the illuminating knowledge in this site. Only it has taken till now, where I'm feeling compelled against my will to use internet porn, to join properly. I know you say that guilt and shame only serve to increase the addictiveness, but its hard not to feel ashamed when my highest spiritual principles are being put on ice for the sake of all-consuming short-term gratification. I have not had this problem before. I hope that full recovery to a healthy sexuality is possible for me.
Welcome!
Don't worry about how long it took you to get here. The best part is you got here. Ya know what, I've been going through the struggle myself. I've learned one thing: this is a disease that likes to keep you alone. You've made probably the largest and hardest step. I remember what it was like, because it was only a month or so ago. You should be very proud of yourself.
If you do one thing to start on the road to recovery, share it with someone. Share it with us, or share it with someone close to you. The worst thing you can do is go back and be alone. This disease revolves around your guilt and keeping you alone. It's hard to stop it without total dedication, either, but it can be done. But if you go after it, you'll get it. I've been recovering for almost two months, and I've relapsed too. It's knocked me down several times, but as I bet you can guess, I ain't finished yet. So welcome, and I hope you can find us and the resources given helpful to kicking the habit.
thank you
Thank you for your humility, and encouragement. I too have been humbled, I am realising that not only am I just an ordinary human being, I'm just a typical MAMMAL...when I read the story about the hamster who had sex 42 times then slept for two days, I thought, "yeah, that'd be me"... except that my females of late have all been virtual ones! Thank you again, for its so good to hear from someone who understands this stuff from the inside. I want to also be supportive, and if you need to talk, feel free. At the moment I'm desperately clinging to this piece of wood in the ocean, I need to reclaim my mind from this abyss...see you soon.
With much respect,
Ash[ying]
Hey Ash, my name's
Hey Ash, No trouble at all for helping someone out. I've always found people don't do it enough, and it's best to lead by example. Anyway, ask Marnia to start a blog. It's a great place to start, I found. Give it a try. I found initially, it was the best way to get a lot of the hard stuff out of my system, and writing about it still is. Hope that helps a bit. See ya soon.
I'm glad to hear that, cos
I'm glad to hear that, cos 'Justin' is so much easier both to pronounce as well as write!
Actually I'm still finalising what my online name should be too, and I've decided on 'Ash' so when my blog comes up, it will be in that name (by the way, thank you for suggesting I start one, I did need the encouragement to 'step out' like this). Like you said before, the dis-ease thrives on being kept secret, and already I feel different, like there is real hope. Though just wait till I have been a week without it...(if I get that far)...I imagine it will be tough. What am I gonna do? I don't have a girlfriend at present, so real sex, tantric or otherwise, is not on the cards. I might be driven to do insane things, like perhaps taking up golf...Anyway, peace bro and take care of yourself also. Wish me luck as I begin this journey, I feel like frodo (from the 'lord of the rings' movie) up against a huge army of those powerful, nasty looking 'orcs'... 
from Ash (formerly known as 'anonymous').
If you want to feel like Frodo
try taking on the mission of telling people that orgasm has drawbacks that might make them want to forego it.
I'm in no position to preach...
...i'm treading water. When I log off from here I will have to leave the house, else the temptation to do what is habitual may take hold. I want to reclaim my mind. I know that each ejaculation is invested with life-force, that frequent loss of semen depletes the male body on several levels. Any man who really tunes in might feel this for himself. Yet acting on this knowledge is harder than i thought. I have tried abstinence before and failed. But I believe this can be done, because it HAS to be done, for the sake of my physical health, and the freedom of my mind from slavery to p*rn, something that in my heart i dont believe in.
Ash.
Remember that it won't be pure misery
even during recovery. You'll have moments of encouraging clarity.
Small point...it's not the loss of semen that's the primary problem...as the androcentric sages believed. It's the drop in brain chemistry that *feels* like depletion. From your perspective this seems like a distinction without a difference, but if you ever have had a girlfriend become bitchy for no reason...you may want to keep this alternative explanation in mind.
If you have come here in desperation,
know that you are not alone. There are lots who know how you feel.
This is a great site for healing from porn addiction. Read the "Instruction Manual for the Primitive Brain", and the following sections. Check out the site.
...Would like to, but feel overwhelmed by the lust for porn? Welcome, that's you and I both. Remember that healing can take time. Even if your visit today is brief, I invite you to plant a seed today, a wish for your own recovery. The porn manufacturers have got into your mind...so you get in there too, and plant a seed: MAY I RECOVER MY FREEDOM.
This is a non-judgemental and supportive place here. You don't have to be perfect to be accepted here, just being human is enough. May you heal.
-from ash.
So true
The support on this site is profound. Not only do I have an understanding of my addiction and the power it plays on the mind, but there is a boat load of people on all stages of the recovery process. I am barely into the process and already feel welcomed here. The site is full of people who have already given me more love and support around my addiction than I have received in my life before.
Human indeed is all it takes.....
That's sweet
It's a tough (I almost said "sticky"
) problem. Glad we can help.
"Asher," by the way...did recover, although he seldom visits anymore. Once he turned the corner on his addiction, he found it helpful *not* to keep talking about sex. *grin*
great job Marnia!
Its great source of information here.
I have had depression from years, one of perspective to look at it is hormonal unbalance. Another issue is lack of empathy in health system, I guess its not related to country where the system is located.
You know what my doctor said when I was trying to explain my problems?
'Yes yes, we have huge recession in our country, so we all feel depressed'
I think empathy is not reachable for people who has never had depression or addiction problems.
I am going to have roaccutane treatment, that I should received many years ago. Everything is amazing unfair, I feel shame and guilt of that my life is so fucked up, which I should not feel at all and enjoy my life.
Yes, balance is so important
and depression and anxiety are very connected to neurochemical imbalance.
You're right that when someone is depressed it is devastating - and hard to see beyond the dark forest. But doing things that help you "take control" of your neurochemical balance seem to be the way back to well-being, and it's good to see you doing those things.. I've read, for example, that daily exercise is more powerful and beneficial than anti-depressants. Meditation is another natural way to increase balance. So is socializing in friendly situations. So is sunshine.
What is roaccutane treatment? Sounds interesting.