Gary and I were interested to discover that there is a very active forum on a popular science site in the UK called "Naked Scientists" about Post Orgasmic Illness Syndrome, known as "POIS." These men (and a few women) suffer debilitating symptoms after orgasm, such as exhaustion, insomnia, flu-like symptoms, brain fog, anxiety, depression, weakness, indigestion and so forth. It tends to last for a few days until around two weeks.

A friend recently recommended The Complete Yoga of Human Emotional-Sexual Life¹. In this book spiritual teacher Adi Da Samraj explains that intimate sexual relationships can be wholly compatible with a life of real spiritual practice, while also pointing out that sexual techniques alone are not a shortcut to enlightenment.

In recent years scientists discovered that oxytocin – best known for its role in labor contractions¹ - was also the neurochemical behind apparent monogamy (in prairie voles) and emotional bonding between parents and children, friends and lovers. An experiment showed that it increases the attraction between familiar mates (in hamsters), but not between unfamiliar potential mates.

Even though I think John Gray is overlooking the most fundamental cause of the disharmony that builds between intimate partners (namely our mammalian mating program, which urges us on to new mates), I always fall in love with him a little bit when I read his books. I find his sincere desire to help men and women stop tearing each other apart endearing, and his folksy wisdom has a lot to recommend it.

While I was collecting material for Peace Between the Sheets, a lovely young woman explained to me that she didn't want to try the alternative of controlled intercourse with its absence of hot foreplay because she wouldn't be able to use all the great lovemaking skills she had mastered.

Cupid, or the God Eros, is often represented as a mischievous, chubby child. Could it be because Eros generally serves biology's procreation agenda above any other?

Part I of this article explained that junk food (especially high sugar/high fat nutritionally-empty foods) and sexual stimulation (especially with the emphasis on climax rather than affectionate contact), although natural, have the potential to distort sound judgment. Both are examples of supranormal (unusually intense) stimulation, which reinforce learning – that is, they draw our exaggerated attention to anything associated with experiencing them. 'Learning reinforcement' is the same brain mechanism that distorts addicts' judgment, and locks them into their destructive behaviors. It occurs in the reward circuitry of the brain, and the neurochemical dopamine plays a critical role.

In science-speak, tasty sugary/fatty food and intense sexual stimulation are the two most potent 'natural reinforcers.' That is, these two perfectly natural attractions are likeliest to affect your brain somewhat like drugs (the term 'drug' includes substances like nicotine and alcohol).¹ Specifically, they produce neurochemical events in the reward circuitry of the brain that are designed to bend your priorities.

What do the following experiences have in common? (These are lovers' reports on the affectionate exchanges from Peace Between the Sheets)

Certainly we know what excites our reward circuitry: high-calorie foods, sexual stimulation, trying something new, getting something for nothing, taking an impulsive risk, and so forth. This hidden programming leaves us pathetically vulnerable to the wiles of today's advertisers. “Want fries with that?” “Increase your sex appeal with X-Brand toothpaste” “FREE!” “Sign up now and save!”