fantasy addiction

Well it now been over 90 days and I feel like I'm at a different phase of recovery. Though I still have urges to masturbate I see them for what they are and choose to abstain opting to instead be with my wife. I have pretty consistent nocturnal/morning wood and can once again arouse myself with a little erotic touch (although I try not to so as not to temp myself). I have started to have some weak spontanious wood during the day as a result of returning sensitivity. I continue to focus on diet and exercise.

11/9/11 Day 19: I slept very little last night. I kept tossing and turning. Woke up feeling apathetic and continue to feel that way. Zero libido. Morning wood was 40% at best. Some anxiety but not overwhelming. I've read that a lot of people feel more relaxed as this process goes on. I really hope I get that feeling. Unless I'm crunched for time I'm planning to start walking to my classes instead of taking the bus. I feel like getting myself outside will help me in a number of ways. In my latest attempt to abstain from MO I have noticed the following things....

WHAT>>>The following quote from Gary is blowing my MIND, so I want to put it out for all to see and ruminate on:

[quote=gary]The concept is really not "no PMO". It's “allow the brain to rewire and recover.

I'm now one week PMO-free, and had the oddest dream the other night. It was almost a meta-dream; in it, I dreamed that I was fantasizing and about to masturbate to fetish porn! It wasn't like the porn imagery was appearing to me, it was as if I was watching myself watching the porn. And I realized I had to stop myself from watching that porn. Very strange, and I'm not sure if I can recall any previous dreams in my life that were in second person like that.

Until recently, I believed that I could never get enough sex, and that I was unlucky because I married a woman who prefers sex not more than once every other day and does not accommodate indiscriminate penetration of every orifice. But then I successfully got through 31 days without watching pornography, masturbating only minimally, genuinely trying to appreciate my wife for her sexuality on its own terms, and actively suppressing the fantasy/obsessive urges that have progressively insinuated themselves on my personality over the last decade.

Background:

Today I am 27 days without pornography--that is, without sexual response to any imagery or to nudity in non-pornographic movies. Also, I have not abused any potential pornography substitutes--no 'erotic' 'literature,' no personal ads, no sex-fantasy writing. I recognize that many here may have far more difficulty avoiding porn, and I want to be clear that during the last year I also had limited success keeping myself away from it, so I am in no way trivializing the struggle of those for whom porn IS the problem.

There is aspect of my addiction I am just now fully beginning to deal with. I have lived with fantasy for a long time and not just sexual. I have used it to escape just as much as the porn and masturbation. Just over the last week or two I have been forced to deal with it. I have started to notice just how much I lived in fantasy. It is far beyond daydreaming for me. I think it is as much a part of this as the porn and masturbation. I have talked about it a bit I think.