Abstaining

About a week ago, I was feeling kind of moody. I had been working hard, and shifting a lot of habits (eating, sleeping, exercise, for e.g.) at once is not easy. My wife and I were bickering a little, and she asked me if I wanted to have an "O". "Would it make you feel better?" she asked. I had to be honest, and let her know that I expected that it would provide some relief, but it would be short lived. I didn't want cave into temptation just because I was feeling moody. It didn't seem right, and I didn't think I would like the outcome.

It's been a full six weeks since my last "O". I never would have thought I would have lasted this long or learned some of the things I have. I tried some Yoga last night and that seemed to help.

I have a hard time not feeling some occassional frustration. My wife feels very uncomfortable and is looking forward to giving birth very soon. Opportunities for close, physical contact have been limited, though I have been able to give some foot rubs. Some solo exercises may help too.

I hear this is an awful movie but I have never seen it. In any event, I have made it this long with no intercourse or orgasm and my relationship has improved. At this point, my wife does not feel good and has a low sex drive. I don't want to try to have an intense experience right now, and we have mutually agreed to stay with this for at least a few more weeks.

It's the end of week 5, and I am looking for a little bit of energy. A lot has changed. I worked out very vigoursly the last few days, which I haven't done in years, so I am feeling a little depleted. When I got done exercising the other day, I thought "this is the best I have felt in almost 2 years." I am a little worried about what I might do to screw it all up.

I have been obtaining from the Big "O" for 16 days now, which is a new record for me since puberty. I have been married for several years, and 10 days is about how long I have gone since then. My wife is pregnant right now, and not feeling well, so we have not been engaging in much other than heavy duty snuggling. Sometimes, she is is irritable and does not want even that. I have had very bad sleep symptoms for years, usually due to stress, and those seem to be less troublesome right now. I have more trouble calming down and falling asleep right now, but sleep better after I do.

Two days ago, I picked up where I left off in Cupid's PA and it was a weird experience because all the information felt so new again. It goes to show that the process of learning & change is a slow one. How weird is it that just because you are aware externally (in your rational brain) of something doesn't mean you've learned it fully? For instance, I am aware of how bad M is for me and yet in a duel with my mammalian brain, it manages to obscure my learnings on this subject.