rage

Thanks to a recommendation of a friend of the site, I spent some time reading in a book called Attachment-Focused Family Therapy. I thought this information about guilt, shame and rage was very interesting. When someone overreacts on the forum, it can be that that person is dealing with a past history of being shamed (invalidated). It seems that three things help:

We are not therapists; we are an informal tribe. This is a community wiki, which anyone can improve. Take what you can use and leave the rest.

The feeling of powerlessness that I experienced during the time of re-training my angry reactions was devastating. I felt like I had no control over anything; but in reality I was giving up the illusion of control that the power of anger had given me, and instead was gaining real control -- over myself.—Recovered “rager”

This wiki is set up as follows:

My incessant RAGING about my circumstances was a cry for someone else to understand me and say they understood.

NOTE: If you believe someone has said something abusive to an someone, address that person privately. If you are dissatisfied, contact an administrator.

Repeating old, unhelpful thought patterns and behaviors Replaying your old tapes re-traumatizes you and stops you from laying down new brain pathways to good feelings. Human brains are plastic. If we continually activate pathways that don’t allow us to move forward, we are being just as hurtful to ourselves as any past aggressor.

Plotting revenge Plotting revenge keeps you locked in rage. However, it can be very healing to think of funny ideas for outrageous revenge that you would not actually carry out. Laughter is good medicine.

Here are techniques others have found useful:

Restore equilibrium If you want to return to the real you as quickly as possible, balance the part of your brain that governs your emotions and stress responses (your limbic brain). Then, your frontal cortex (the more disciplined part of your brain) can help you steer. Here are some simple things that help:

• Friendly, supportive interaction (not on The Subject)
• Time in nature
• Exercise
• Healthy diet (whole foods, less sugar, fewer junk carbs)
• Meditation/prayer

If you are in acute pain, here are some things that may help you right now. The goal is to stop the collateral damage to your brain and body from continually thinking about The Subject (that enrages you). Each time you dwell on The Subject, you re-traumatize yourself with flashbacks and analysis (“How could he/she have done such a thing???”) These thought patterns hurt you. They may also cause you to misperceive the motives of others and hurt them. Such patterns of thought also block the flow of creative ideas, which will lead you to the most effective solutions.

Some forms of therapy insist that The Perfect Rage Storm will heal. However, other therapies insist that catharsis merely re-traumatizes the person who is suffering. We subscribe to the latter view. By all means, go elsewhere if this approach doesn’t appeal to you.