Rebecca:

Marnia Robinson's book is an engagingly written & enlightening antidote for people confused by the emotional chaos in their sexual lives.

You pose many stark questions about why our sexual relationships fail, so often. Why do we fall "out of love"? Did our grandparents? Our ancestors?

Marnia:

We fall out of love because we're biologically-programmed to do so. The primitive part of our brain urges us toward behaviors that pass on the most genes. Unfortunately for us romantics, the key behaviors are (1) a craving for intense passion, followed by (2) an unconscious urge to separate, & (3) a tendency to repeat the pattern with a new partner (yielding greater genetic variety among offspring). Now that the Sexual Revolution has freed us, Biology's agenda is glaringly obvious. I believe its hidden agenda accounts for the Census Bureau's 2002 prediction that half of all new marriages could end in divorce, & for Dr. Phil's statement that "sexless marriages are an epidemic".

We so want to believe that romantic love is designed to last forever that we regard anyone who says otherwise with deep suspicion. However, I don't think we can improve our statistics until we realize that Biology's goals are not our goals if we want a lasting, romantic relationship. There IS a way to keep romance alive, but we can't do it by blindly dancing to Biology's tune.

&, yes, I believe our grandparents & ancestors suffered from this same problem. It's almost proverbial that "the honeymoon lasts less than a year." Church, state & social stigma kept most of our ancestors locked in matrimony until death parted them, no matter how miserable or unfaithful they were. It's worth noting, however, that infidelity occurred even when the punishment was to burn at the stake. Our primal urges (which, again, are geared toward replicating offspring) are even more powerful than our inclination toward self-preservation. Yet these urges do not serve our individual well-being. Once we recognize that, we can learn a way around them.

Finding Peace Between Our Sheets

See interview of Marnia by Adam Elenbaas. This interview is to be included in the 2009 title Towards 2012: New Perspectives for New Times.

Interview

'In Conversation' with Robyn Williams of ABC

[From transcript of interview]

Print articles and books

• Cupid's Poisoned Arrow (due out June 23, 2009).
  

In a sense there are two authors of this web site and the book Peace Between the Sheets: Gary Wilson and Marnia Robinson. They are a husband/wife team living in southern Oregon. Marnia does the writing, and Gary supplies most of the science information.

Next public appearance

December 10-12, Cambridge, England

Marnia will be speaking at Lucy Cavendish College, in Cambridge, England at a conference Suicide Bombers- the psychological, religious and other imperatives.

Thanks for your kind remarks everyone! See also more extensive letters from readers.

(Gender of contributors is indicated: "M" for male, "F" for female)

NOTE: Also visit this page if you have questions about the actual practice of controlled intercourse.

What is Peace Between the Sheets about?

It's a clear, accurate explanation of why relationships that start out with so much potential often end up in frustration, miscommunication and hurt feelings. Peace offers a solution: making love differently.