Is hammering the brain’s desire circuitry a good idea?

A drug that makes you not only able but eager and willing isn't going to remain the exclusive property of the severely impaired. As with Viagra, there will be extensive off-label use.—Julian Dibbell, The Observer

The "orgasm pill" is back on track and chugging our way. See 'Women's Viagra' Targets Her ... Brain. The drug, which alters brain chemistry to "unleash women's desire," works by "triggering the production of dopamine, [and] has the potential to revolutionize sexual medicine as much as Viagra did."

Human love lives are complex. One of the underlying reasons may be that we have two conflicting genetic programs at work in our limbic system, both of which have subtle, but powerful influences on our intimate relationships.

In Hugs for Heroes we looked at what women can do to make it easier for men to practice sexual continence over the long haul. In this article we'll look at how eager partners can help their more unenthusiastic partners lower their resistance to intimacy.

A male friend, pictured here, said my book needed to address this question, so here's an excerpt from the new book that does so. Feel free to add your comments to the end of the article.

One reason people often believe that orgasm is purely a beneficial outlet is that it seems to solve the problem of too much sexual energy—or perhaps too much semen if you’re male. This impression seems irrefutable, in part because wet dreams are a natural phenomenon of adolescence. It’s logical to assume that the body is making extra semen that has nowhere else to go.

In recent years scientists discovered that oxytocin – best known for its role in labor contractions1 - was also the neurochemical behind apparent monogamy (in prairie voles) and emotional bonding between parents and children, friends and lovers. An experiment showed that it increases the attraction between familiar mates (in hamsters), but not between unfamiliar potential mates.

1. 1. And forced labor, in the form of pitocin

Sex has many characteristics in common with addictive behaviors. Regulated by the brain's limbic system or "primitive brain," sex is driven by the region known as the reward center. Dopamine, the craving neurochemical that impels fertilization behavior, also impels addictions to substances. This article examines how dopamine’s unnerving high/low cycle tends to promote emotional separation between mates and increase susceptibility to addictions.

During a chat at a social event with a geology professor at an eminent university we discussed whether the neurochemistry of mating is behind the fragility of intimate relationships. He thought not, and sent me to two books on marriage, which he said supported his views.

The Mathematics of Marriage

The Mathematics of Marriage[1] is a recent team project, published by MIT, inspired by a mathematician. I had read about the related study suggesting that one can predict divorce from the ratio of positive to negative behaviors in the discussions of newlyweds, but not about the theoretical basis of the study. I was not surprised to discover that the real indicator of compatibility is a mate's basic perception of his/her partner. Mates who perceive their partners as basically good people, tend to see negative behaviors as temporary and explained by external factors, while people who perceive their partners as basically flawed, tend to see the positive behaviors as temporary and explained by external factors.

Chantek is a smart, lovable orangutan who lives at the Atlanta zoo. Trained in sign language, he has a vocabulary of more than 150 words, and he is considered a decent artist. …

Do you know of a solid relationship that seemed to have a lot going for it…and yet it unraveled? What about a marriage that stayed together but seemed stagnant…or even hostile? Did you see the Newsweek article No Sex Please, We're Married?

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This article has been updated and shortened.