I found this site about 15 months ago. In this time, the following changes have occured in my marriage and my life:

1. My wife and I resumed having sexual intercourse after 4 plus years of celibate marriage
2. I have not masturbated in almost one year. For many months before that, I did it ritually and maybe once per month in a misguided belief that the pipes needed to be cleaned. I have absolutely no desire to masturbate.
3. I have not ejaculated in 7 months. I no longer have any desire to ejaculate, even if I get overheated during intercourse.

Since my wife started sleeping with me again about three months ago, we have had sex four times. The first two times were karezza. The third time I lost control and had an orgasm. I just let it happen without trying to intensify the feelings, so the orgasm wasn't very intense. I didn't notice any hangover from it over the next two weeks, not even the usual (for me) post-O horniness at day 4. We had karezza again a couple weeks later.

There was an unexpected development... I have some ED.

Now I remember why I liked that 45 day total celibacy period last winter - I've been clean (solo/joint abstinent) for about ten days now - I've got my motivation back, my focus back - hell, I've got ME back. I might even be able to communicate clearly without biting sarcasm either directed at myself or my spouse by reference - I usually get that crap outta muh noggin here, since the communication about physical relationship here is nonexistent despite my years of effort.

I keep attempting to begin my blog, I start and never seem to make much sense, usually it is through writing that I find understanding and clarity. This topic though is still bouncing around in my brain. I am a married 40ish American German and Swedish woman living on the West coast.

A miracle has recently occurred in my marriage. After clearly explaining in a number of ways so she finally Got It, that I wanted a divorce because of lack of physical affection and because of the horrible communication between us, my wife offered to sleep with me again on weekends, and actually ended up sleeping with me almost every night for the last 10 days. The first night I simply put a hand on her side, and tried stroking her back. She said my touch was uncomfortable. So I kept my hands to myself and slept on my side of the bed.

I made a comment that I felt there were distinct differences in my perception of hangover following a joint sexual episode with my spouse, versus a retreat to the solo bubble events, whether a one time or a bubble binge. As with us all - I can only describe the viewpoint from my perspective/perception.

I am not going to kid myself - while my recent return to aversion bubble solo binge behavior is not of the magnitude that such binges often were in the past, I am essentially guilty of binge behavior in the form of 3 episodes over the weekend - the 3rd was Sunday (yesterday), and therefore I am little more than 24 hours out of the last episode. Yes, I know that some times for many of us even a day or two - or even a few hours sometimes - is a success/positive step.

Now that I've actually stuck my head back out of my shell, I'll try not to make a post that requires trilogy (or more) status. I'm not sure Peter Jackson would touch this one with a ten foot pole.

Man - I can't believe I've lasted this long without flying solo - this is the second longest I've ever made it without any form of orgasm, be it masturbation, wet dream, or some form of sexual interaction (9 weeks, once, years ago, then now, then we're talking typically at best 2 weeks typical since late bloomer me figgered out how to do it myself at age 16 lol). Libodo's really intense, but not aggressively so. Last night was a smoother exchange for the post-therapy localized/pain relief exchange.

I'm still clean, but it's been a rocky 36 hours. Had a little further conversation, in which she made it very clear (almost adamantly) that she's wanting physical activity to resume. And the shoulder angel's having to work hard to out talk the shoulder demon. The thoughts:

Mine - intensely sexual in general, non stop visuals of doing things with her.