marriage repair

So today is day 9 of no porn and no masturbation.

Last night i hoped to have a bit of a romantic evening with my wife, planned to take it slow and just really try and make it as enjoyable for her as possible.

Didnt go as planned.

Ended up having a huge fight - with her telling me i lack intimacy and she basically doesnt want to have sex.... (we've only been married 2years)

I've read many of your comments and kept coming back to this website to help myself. I don't really understand what all this fuss about segregating the site is all about. I've always just read the headers I was interested in and I guess most of you do too. What I'm amazed about is that it's only 23 weeks since I first found this site, twenty weeks since I got Marnia's books. It seems like a much longer length of time and I only discovered it when I went to look at my profile page on here.

This is the beginning of a journey with an unknown ending. Whether it more resembles a heart warming fairy-tale, or just another day in divorce court remains to be written. I begin with open heart, hopeful mind and just enough patience to make it through today. I have been married for 12 years, we've been together close to 20 always with issues surrounding sex. She said she liked/wanted sex but didn't initiate and wasn't responsive to my initiating. We muddled through, but she built up resentments and now we find ourselves with three small children, and no intimacy-no intimate connection.

We have been practicing karezza for about a month.

My scorecard:
• No porn
• No solitary masturbation
• No ejaculation in three weeks
• Three “plateau” orgasms, without ejaculating
• My wife and I are reacquainted

The porn has been surprising easy to give up (well I did “peek” once in the first week when I was researching the scissors position – fortunately no ill effects.) I’ve noticed no withdrawal symptoms and I don’t feel strongly tempted. This is quite surprising to me, because I have been viewing porn regularly since the 50s.

I found this site about 15 months ago. In this time, the following changes have occured in my marriage and my life:

1. My wife and I resumed having sexual intercourse after 4 plus years of celibate marriage
2. I have not masturbated in almost one year. For many months before that, I did it ritually and maybe once per month in a misguided belief that the pipes needed to be cleaned. I have absolutely no desire to masturbate.
3. I have not ejaculated in 7 months. I no longer have any desire to ejaculate, even if I get overheated during intercourse.

Since my wife started sleeping with me again about three months ago, we have had sex four times. The first two times were karezza. The third time I lost control and had an orgasm. I just let it happen without trying to intensify the feelings, so the orgasm wasn't very intense. I didn't notice any hangover from it over the next two weeks, not even the usual (for me) post-O horniness at day 4. We had karezza again a couple weeks later.

There was an unexpected development... I have some ED.

"Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." ~George Burns

Now I remember why I liked that 45 day total celibacy period last winter - I've been clean (solo/joint abstinent) for about ten days now - I've got my motivation back, my focus back - hell, I've got ME back. I might even be able to communicate clearly without biting sarcasm either directed at myself or my spouse by reference - I usually get that crap outta muh noggin here, since the communication about physical relationship here is nonexistent despite my years of effort.

I keep attempting to begin my blog, I start and never seem to make much sense, usually it is through writing that I find understanding and clarity. This topic though is still bouncing around in my brain. I am a married 40ish American German and Swedish woman living on the West coast.