relationships

Okay this is where my therapist really got me confused. What is the difference between these two terms? I know what sexual arousal is....it is when my wee wee gets hard. But what does sexual attraction mean? If sexual arousal = sexual attraction...that must mean I am sexually attracted to porn.

That connection doesn't look like its going to go anywhere far for me. I was in the store today and specifically got in her line up. We had a short pleasant conversation as usual (She has an amazing smile ). She asked me how the healing was going. I asked her if she was interested in singing at all (there's a singing workshop for novices coming up) and explained that it was about singing for healing purposes and for people who wanted to present themselves better who had to speak in public.

(This post goes into more detail than my last about physical sex acts, for anyone squeamish. I'll try not to be too graphic, though.)

My relationship with my husband began in an unusual way. Starting just two days after we met (and immediately fell in love), we started sleeping together, in the literal sense, almost every night. I've always had trouble falling asleep, and was amazed at being able to do so while snuggled up with him, our arms intertwined. That had *never* worked with anyone else. Probably helped that this was the dead of winter

I feel like a puppet on a string. Am I who I want to be, or who others want me to be? Maybe it is all part of a grand plan. My impatience was one of my worst faults. So a long term illness is undoubtedly going to be a posative character building experience in some ways. I'm still impatient though. It's mostly directed at myself for being unwell and incapable, but it is still there.

How much do passions and goals matter both in finding a partner and maintaining a relationship? This is spoken about all over the place, but it doesn’t seem well substantiated. Perhaps it is code like many things for how much money and thus commoditized value someone earns/has. Goallessness can be negative, but I’m not sure it is inherently so. Few have no goals, but many have goals they don’t want to share. Some people are generalists and don’t intend to become expert or *rise* by delving deeper into any one thing.

I am at the stage of my life where i am thinking deeply about the kind of relationship I want. It can be easy to get caught up in the romantic ideals and emotional and sexual intensity that characterises honeymoon neurochemistry (which ill admit are great), but i've been thinking about what long term characteristics are important. Because, for me that is what really counts.

I heard an interesting tidbit today. Many of the PUA guys don’t want casual hookups, but want real relationships. Those that want casual sex are often not fully honest about their motivations. Focusing on the relationship seekers, it seems many are looking to use the women they pick up as a tool for their own self-growth, sadly measured by the number of women they sleep with. The name of the game is going through the motions and getting better in the process, but they measure that with their egos.

Setting aside the arguments that perhaps nothing is random, it seems romantic relationships are nothing more than a mutual choice based upon circumstances such as time, place, availability, etc. I don’t see how this is different than selecting a job, house, contractor, or anything else. Something about that doesn’t sit well given the wisdom traditions’ emphasis on soul mates, other halves, and so on. This is a little hard for me to get my head around having never been in a relationship where I wanted to be romantic.