This is my first post in the new-look site ! It looks awesome, but I have had trouble loading the site a few times recently.
I started the rebalancing journey in June, pushing 40, with a relationship ending and having reached a plateau in my career. I realized that I was indulging in porn binges as a way of avoiding seeking new relationships, and frankly, as a way of avoiding doing anything else.
Returning to Reuniting after vacationing and a hiatus, and a few relapses. Everything was great for about 60 days after starting my reboot, and then I had several relapses of searching for porn, often after a random trigger or thought. I haven’t MO'ed, but as Marnia reminded me a while ago, just the act of viewing and searching is a relapse. I had thought I was “cured”, but I know realize I am vulnerable when I get complacent. I installed K9 to block image searches and suspect sites.
Day 28 no PMO // 38+ days no MO. I have a less to report this week than on previous weeks. A few weeks ago I downloaded a diagnostic Excel chart which allows me to record symptoms of low and high dopamine and days since last orgasm. I think I got it from YBOP or Reuniting (tried re-tracing my steps but couldn’t find the original source!). Over the last 20 days or so, the indicators for low and high dopamine levels have declined, showing I guess more normal dopamine levels, and my mood seems to be improving as the re-boot progresses.
Positives:
24+ days since my last orgasm, and 14 days without looking at porn. The initial boost of renewed self-respect I experienced from not indulging in PMO has subsided, but a feeling of calm and quiet confidence remains. Quitting PMO doesn't solve all your problems, but it does allow you to stop worrying about one, and start tackling other issues. Very occasionally I get a craving to start searching for porn, e.g. this morning there was a "trigger" in a prominent news story that was all over the internet, but I was able to let the urge pass without acting out.