Original New York Times article: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/18/magazine/18marriage-t.html?pagewanted=...

Since I was asked to relay a form of breath matching or breath coaching as a non-sexual bonding behavior, I’ll try to relay how it was done, and how it worked. There’s a basic, and a more physical/intimate form of it, both tried and worked well in the time period/atmosphere involved.

A miracle has recently occurred in my marriage. After clearly explaining in a number of ways so she finally Got It, that I wanted a divorce because of lack of physical affection and because of the horrible communication between us, my wife offered to sleep with me again on weekends, and actually ended up sleeping with me almost every night for the last 10 days. The first night I simply put a hand on her side, and tried stroking her back. She said my touch was uncomfortable. So I kept my hands to myself and slept on my side of the bed.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/23/health/23mind.html?ex=1282712400&en=66...

It makes sense that for bonding behaviors to work properly they need to be selfless and non-goal orientated. This can be a challenge that needs to be transcended for the mind that constantly seeks pleasure-gain through touch or sexual excitement.

Hi all,
I stumbled across this poem recently and thought it resonated with what we're trying to do here. I hope it inspires, especially those of you with partners you can touch. While single for now, I'm going to memorize the poem with expectation!

The Lover's Touch
by Diana Daffner

The Lover asked: How would you like me to touch you?

The Lover answered:

I would like you to touch me as if you were going away tomorrow, far far away, and you wanted to remember the feel of my body, the texture of my skin, the hills and valleys that make up the landscape of who I am.

Hello all, thank you for such a lovely, informative website.

I've just recently learned of Karezza and have just ordered Marnia's book, but have a question.

My lover and I live far enough away from each other that we only get to see each other on weekends. I haven't told him I'd like to try Karezza yet, but I'm wondering if it will *work* for us since we cannot do the daily bonding exercises?

[By Jesse Bering ]

ok. i love this site, the research, the book, etc. my question: is giving/receiving a massage similar to bonding? i would guess it depends on the type of massge, but being touched and especially stroked, seems like the bonding behaviors described here. any ideas?