Day Zero.

I succumbed to the addiction last night. More of a binge, 3 times in 12 hours while watching porn...

but i realized i probably set myself up for failure from the get go. the day counting need to stop. i suggest that to everyone. its not a goal to be reached, its about overcoming, enduring. One day at a time.

Need to not dwell on it as much...

im moving my computer out of the bedroom. heavily limiting my time on it now...

anytime i feel anything, run away, distraction...hobby

Day 19.

I seem to be pushing the boundaries closer and closer to the cliff. Last night i went to the store with all intention of relapsing and being fine with it. When i went to check out i just got the overwhelming fear and doubt about relapse and i basically put everything i was going to buy down and pretty much ran out of the store. One day at a time.

Day 18, I woke up today and didn't feel any strong urges. Starting to get bored with the day while waiting for answers from job applications and the urge to p/m/o is increasing while i'm not distracting myself. Last night while hanging out with friends i was told by a good friend i've known for many years that she's so happy where i am in my life and how much i've changed. she does not know about my p/m/o...it was a nice feeling hearing that, gives me strength to keep up the fight...Going to finish scraping paint, then off to work. Will update later.

I've been completely porn-sober since March. March was my second slip-up after a four to six month period of success.

Given what we know about how a porn addiction can alter one's compassion or caring for other people, and that one study couldn't find any college students that hadn't use porn, is the outcome of this study any surprise?

http://scienceblog.com/34455/empathy-college-students-dont-have-as-much-...

Within the linked above article, is also a study to test your own empathy level: http://umichisr.qualtrics.com/SE/?SID=SV_bCvraMmZBCcov52&SVID .

It would be interesting to see if avoiding orgasm and porn would change how we answer these questions over time.

Quizure

With respect to religious traditions, I'm a pretty serious student. I was an extremely active member of a western Sufi order for over two years. I've studied Fourth Way (Gurdjieff/Ouspensky), Golden Dawn, and Thelemic traditions. I also have a background in Reformed Christianity (traditional Presbyterianism) and consider myself to be well-versed in both mainstream Christian scholarship and esoteric Christian thought. I'm also basically a non-theist and consider my spiritual interests to be "psychological" in nature, though that in no way diminishes their significance for me.

Jack Glascock, “Degrading content and character Sex: Accounting for Men and Women’s Differential Reaction to Pornography. Communication Reports, 2005, 18(1), 43-53.

Def. of Sexually Violent Porn = inflicting of pain and use of threat or force.

Def. of Non-Violent Porn = no physical violence, but men or women are verbally abused or portrayed as having animal characteristics; women are instantly responsive to male sexual demands.

I dunno if you guys have seen this, Norman Doidge has a video on the website - Acquiring Tastes and Loves: What Neuroplasticity Teaches Us About Sexual Attraction and Love

http://www.socialcostsofpornography.com/videos.php#

Looks interesting

I've been concentrating my battles on porn but I've come to the realization that porn isn't the real enemy, porn is just a form of lust, in probably it's worst and most easily obtainable form. Going to the hookers is also a form of lust as is watching pornography or even eyeing a women with just the thought of how it would be to have sex with her instead of admiring her beauty.

New step, new blog thread.

Monday begins Step 3 for me. Step 3 involves no orgasm until next Sunday, and none to little stimulation. This will be a test both of my self-control that I've been working on the past few weeks, and I pray a confidence builder as well (which all depends on how well I do).

To this date, I've been free of porn since that last bout, about two weeks ago. So I'm back around 14 days with that...or I may have miscounted and it is really three weeks ago...I don't recall. I could always go look in the previous blog and see the date I posted that.