sex

Last night we had a cuddling session and I heated it up a bit. This led to PIV and I didn't orgasm but Sparkles had a very quiet small orgasm that kinda crept up on her. Intercourse lasted about 15 minutes.

I almost came but resisted which wasn't difficult actually. I whispered to her that I was ready to go over the edge and I think she slowed down and it was subtle movements anyway. She came strictly from vaginal contact as there was no clitoral stimulation.

So yesterday was day 5 of a perfect clean streak. Yesterday night I met with a girl for drinks and things got more intimate. While we made out and let our hands roam, I was perfectly erect, but then it came to the point where she asked me if I had a condom and I didn't. We ended up driving to a store to grab them and then drove into an empty lot. I was able to get an erection again when we made out, but then I slipped on a condom. We started having sex and I thought I was still hard enough, but after fumbling around in the car I lost it.

Okay this is where my therapist really got me confused. What is the difference between these two terms? I know what sexual arousal is....it is when my wee wee gets hard. But what does sexual attraction mean? If sexual arousal = sexual attraction...that must mean I am sexually attracted to porn.

My husband and I had orgasmic sex last night. He was feeling very "needful" and I sort of got dragged along into the same mindset. knowing how much he misses doing certain things for me when it's been a while. This was his first in about 10 days, and maybe twice as long for me.

Anxiety levels waxed and waned yesterday It's funny I was going to write about I was happier yesterday, yet on reflection there were periods when I experienced some quite low feelings. This morning I'm in a much better mood, I think that shows how you can reflect on the past and interpret your own reality in different ways. If you are depressed you will easily find things that depress you or have depressed you, if you are anxious you'll easily focus on the the things that make you anxious. If you are happy, the opposite tends to be true, or at least the absence of negative ruminations.

Just a quick recap on the weekend.

I had a long drive over the weekend so spent much of it ruminating - Something I'm trying to stop. One memory came back to me which I hadn't really thought much of before. I remember a trip to the doctors about pains in my penis. I can't quite remember what happened 100% but I do remember something along the lines of him telling me to stop playing with myself so much.

OK, So, I feel as If I am going to quit everything under the roof this time.. Since I began this journey, I have quit drinking alcohol, I have recently quit soda, energy drinks, sweets, and now fast food (to an extent).. I don't drink tea or coffee, I am going to start waking up at 8 am every morning, I said fuck the sleeping position crap, and I have decided to sleep how I wanna .. The only websites I visit are REUNITING.info, and I check my email from time to time.

Had another therapy session yesterday. Wednesday was exploring new therapists with a different approach while yesterday's was my existing therapist as we wrap that up.