Since finding this site on Sunday evening I've been reading with wonder at the helpful, supportive, informative articles and posts - it's brilliant. I'd begun to despair at the lack of information about my situation, even so called experts just not really getting it, and the often-heard refrain that you can't really harm yourself, even with quite excessive masturbation. I saw a therapist a couple of years ago and he told me that I was just experiencing 'judeo-christian' guilt and shame, don't worry.

I'm trying to figure out why I was doing well for a period and am sliding backward at the moment. It is kind of weird as I can at times feel what seems like my brain shuffling the wires around. I notice it more now on the downward trend than when I was on the upward trend. It is a bit like getting a headache in slow motion, but the headache never comes. It is a bit hard to sort out what brought about this current trend because too many things are always going on at the same time such that I don't know what causes what.

Today is the start of the 6th week since orgasm.

I have been feeling a little more settled in since the move. Moves are stressful with all of the disorganization. Today was the first day that I made a list and started going down it. I like those because it helps me to feel in control of something and it ultimately reminds me to do things that I know are good for me to do daily.

Day 22

Not too much in the way of urges, but when I get them, they are pretty strong. Unfortunately, its hard to follow the progress of my cognition in relation to withdrawals because Im still in recovery from the concussion, but my mood isnt terrible. Still foggy, but it feels like each day Im returning back to my old thinking habits a little more. My main priority has been rest, even if I feel lazy, rest is the best thing right now.

I dont feel that I should have to write this, but I want to be clear in case there is ambiguity about my blogging or perspective here on Reuniting.

1.) My views are not the same as Marnia and Gary's in every single way. Whether its because I havent reached that point in my development or its because we are all just fundamentally different, it doesnt matter. They are just not exactly the same. If I didnt identify with a majority of this material and it didnt ring true for me, I would be posting my observations on a different site.

I've been dipping into "Sex and Love: Addiction, Treatment, and Recovery" By Eric Griffin-Shelley, 1997

Here are some points about the addiction and why it may be harder for recovering sex addicts to form intimate relationships. From the opening pages:

Day 15

Feeling a lot better today. Heavy week as far as depression, energy, and brain fog. The drawback is that the last few days have put me in the habit of being inert and having all of this energy free makes me feel a little manic, yet I am feeling inert still. I would probably benefit from sticking to my schedule and lists at this time.

Day 8

Hi all,

I've noticed since giving up the same old porno, prostitute, masturbation routine that I am really tired, not during the day, but when I get home. I put this down to being in a transition stage, recovering from an addiction. I've heard it said that it takes 21 days to break a routine and then a lifetime of dedication not to return to it.