porn addiction recovery

wow, I don't remember the last time I slept so good! Nine and a half hours of pure bliss. I didn't even turn sides, i could have slept with a cup of tea on my hands and woken up without spilling it... OK, now I am exaggerating, but it was wonderful...that should be one of my lifetime targets, to sleep every day like this.

After a delicious breakfast of rye bread, honey and cheese (I have started to indulge myself into different kinds of cheese lately...), I took 30 minutes of visualization/meditation and headed to work.

Ah, woke up very early again, around 4:30, and didn't manage to fall back asleep. anyways, I went to the gym for the 6:30 body pump class.

Had a meeting around lunch time, so didn't manage to get my secret lunch time nap. But I did it between 14:15 to 15:15 and I recovered a bit. I really like the fact that I can take a nap almost anytime of the day, but the past few weeks, specially on mondays, the sleeping problem keeps happening.

The meeting at the bar with friends yesterday was really nice... there were like 12 of us (I didn't know a couple of them, friends of friends). I have been to the bar before, but on a weekday. It was very packed and they were playing excellent music, though a bit too loud sometimes. It was such a relief to go out without any pressure to meet or charm girls.

Friday and Saturday were cancelations days:

1)J, the girl I was supposed to go salsa with, she texted me saying she is sick and staying home

2)The taiwanese girl who was supposed to come on Feb 7th for one week to visit me from Germany (she had her flights and everything), got some problem with visa thing, and wrote me she will most likely won't be able to come as she has to leave Germany very soon

yesterday, I called K (the Finnish girl) after I submitted the blog. We had a nice talk, but she was not available to meet during the week, but she suggested maybe we can meet in the weekend because her sister is coming to visit her and would be nice to introduce some friends to her. I felt it immediately, that sinking feeling in the stomach, the one I felt all the times I lost a girl (when I know that a girl I liked has become my friend instead of my lover). So maybe I will see my new "friend" and her sister in the weekend.

Monday, Jan 30th.

Woke up at 6:00 as I had a body pump class booked at the gym. I slept really well, but it was not enough. I was a bit grumpy during the class and didn't even notice any of the girls at the class. I tried to do some 10 minutes of mindfulness meditation on the metro to the office, but my mind was very noisy.

I woke up around 4:45 because Amandine had an early flight and she was not so quiet while packing. She came to hug me good bye, and as I turned my face our lips met. It was a very brief kiss, more like a kiss a mom gives to her son when saying goodbye rather than a lover's kiss. Anyway, she left. I then drifted in and out of sleep a lot. Had a lot of brief dreams. There was one that was a bit sexual, where I was making love to the Finnish girl, K (btw, she didn't show up to the expats party on Friday at she promised).

I woke up again a bit too early, even though I slept around 2:30. And the fact that Amandine was snoring like hell didn't help. I listened the music on my phone till she woke up. There was a text message from Josephine, the girl I met the night before and she has written "was great meeting you, you seem like a lot of fun! Sorry it was a bit of friends night out...Let me know when you want to do salsa!". That made me start the day with a smile despite the bad sleep. We went to the 7/11 a block away to buy some croissant and cinnamon buns. We went back, eat breakfast and headed to town.