masturbation porn addiction

Even though I am starting on Days 5 & 6, you can see why I decided to give up porn and the problems I am facing by going here http://www.reuniting.info/node/11441. I would read this before reading my blog to get more of a background of what is going on. Furthermore, since this is anonomous I will try not to sugarcoat anything that happens during this process because I dont think it helps me or anyone reading this if I dont tell exactly what happens and the the consequences that result from it.

Day 5

I decided to actually write "no porn, no masturbation" I mostly use PM as reference. But I want to say it the way it really is. Porn is an ugly word, and while Masturbation may not be ugly it has all kind of societal connotations that make it a bit edgy especially in combination with Porn.

It is my personal 37 days with no PM, many have read that I am 50 and have had the addiction for many decades. Hard to believe I am off it for 37 days. My feelings of carrying on are stronger than ever.

cleaning up the dirty mess of this early morning 1am disaster when some intense visuals struck havoc on my room rendering me paralysed, another victim injected the vicious venom of the dark realms of the internet.

yep, this sucks to be back here with not so good news
2nd time failing just after the 50>60 day mark both instances failing when i over dosed on ice cream and sweets which i only just put the two together to really realise how bad foods can really set stuff off.

In the last four weeks since my realization that PMO was a far-too-impairing part of my life, I have relapsed twice, and made new discoveries about myself, even past my sexual issues.

ok... after the anger of last week watching porn for 3 days in a row. i decided it was time to address this relapse.

and set a rebooting goal. which started last tuesday so ends in july, i heard 6-8 weeks is a good time so i am going to 10 weeks. i went without for 5 months recently so 10 weeks should be .

So i just found this site and i found it very helpful in not giving in to old habits, which in truth, really really die hard. So as of today i have gone 11 days without masturbation andor porn. Its kinda weird that this time around i found it somewhat easier to go a prolonged period without looking or masturbating. i have been masturbating since i was 11 i think. So anyways i decided a little over a week ago out of no where that i was gonna stop. It was like i just had this epiphany and so it happened. I have made it my goal to make it at least 30 days.

Today I have completed 6 weeks of PMO recovery.

This week was pretty easy, not really any serious cravings for PMO. No dream orgasms, nightime/morning wood most nights but not all.

I find if I go out drinking I don't wake up with erections.

I went into the city last night with some friends. I noticed a lot of pretty girls. I am coming around with my attraction to women in real life but am still probably only about half way there.

Well I'm happy to say I have made it past the initial 2 weeks in this journey. Everyone seems to say they are the toughest part so I am glad I made it through.

This morning has been pretty tough though, I went out drinking last night for a friends birthday and had quite a bit of alcohol. I always wake up the next morning after a big drinking night extra horny. I have read your body produces extra testosterone the next day to make up for all the testosterone depletion the previous night.

Well not a great deal to report.
Had a nice time with friends last nite and today - a million miles from what brought me here. But it still lingers deep down and I hope that in time the feeling and memories will fade.
Here's to the weekend - the times when it doesnt come around the corner to challenge me.