SICAS: Orange - 4

I've been seriously distracting myself for the last few days in order to counter the intensity (usually "Red - 5") of my impulses. Nevertheless, I have still managed to find some time to fantasize about some rather complex scenarios--though I have stopped mid-thought a number of times. Anyway, I have not masturbated, I have not used porn, I have not orgasmed. But my initial concerns about my ability to fantasize have proven to be well-placed, I think. In the past, this kind of fantasizing has usually led to my seeking out cyber-sex chat partners in short order.

If I have really beaten my addiction to porn and sex with prostitutes how will this Benefit me?
I can think of a number if ways.
firstly financially I won't be spending about £200 on porno and prostitutes every month, We'll be £2000 at least better off every year.
I won't feel so compelled to masturbate all the time. I Should have more free time and more energy.
I won't have the mood changes brought about by changes in my dopamine levels.
my partner will feel more attractive.
we can try karezza end feel closer. We can stimulate oxytocin production and be more happy.

This is going to be a quick check in.

Today is ~ 40 days w/o porn, masturbation, or orgasm. March 18th was my start date. I've had 5 or 6 dreams so far with porn in them. I've always jerked off or tried to in my dreams. I wake up relieved that I'm still on the train. After I have a porn dream, the next day I'm much more tempted to give in the urge. I haven't. So I've had around 5 or 6 days which have been tough. The rest have been relatively easy.

I shall explain another day in my Astral City blog why I believe that learning to have Out of Body Experiences is probably one of the most important skill a human should learn while physically alive on Earth... The fact is that I have believed so for many, many years. None of my previous close encounters with Astral projection were spontaneous, so I can't say I have a gift for it. On the contrary, I always have had to work hard for them, so much so that I often got discouraged.

It's been 10 days since my last orgasm (well, ignoring the dream O last night). So far, it's been fairly easy. Yeah, I've had days I've been anxious - mostly to meet my goddess but that's about it. I haven't really felt an urge to watch porn. An occasional mild craving but it takes about 1-2 seconds to shut that out. Completely porn free so far and I intend to go a full 2 months porn free. No cheating this time around!

Last night was another mixed bag of experiences. On the positive side, I was out with friends and I found the courage in me to go talk to an attractive woman at the bar. Unfortunately, I think she was more interested in my friend than me but we had some fun conversations anyway. She also give me her number so we'll see what comes of it but I don't have high hopes. It started off well but we were running out of things to say at the end of the night and it felt like the chemistry just wasn't there - and like I said, I think she was interested in my friend. A great experience nevertheless.

Since I have no juicy details to share from waking life (unless I describe the succulence of the Afghani dumplings I've been cooking for myself, the smooth slitheryness of the leeks inside them, the tart creaminess of the yoghurt on top, the warming essence of the oils from the fresh-ground, sacred seeds of cumin and coriander - AH, decadence! Eaten alone in candlelight, after some stretching and a bit of reading . . . it was Neruda's poems on love.

I just recently hit my first set goal of 15 days without porn/ejaculation.
After I blogged about my success, Hotspring asked me what my next goals are, and I thought, "how appropriate." It is kind of that time of year anyways. Welcome 2009! I predict a year of personal growth, development, change, newness, and hope!

So lets hear 'em... Goals, New Years Resolutions, Hopes, Dreams, Aspirations, Lofty Aims, Simple Edicts, whatever you want to share.