dreams

It has been four weeks now of no PMO! I am almost nearing my previous record (between four and five weeks, I think).

I notice incredible heart energy present at times in my dream / lucid dream state. I say heart because I don’t know how else to describe it. It’s linked to sexual energy but not inherently sexual. I interact in ways that I’m not sure my conscious being could actually execute. The energy seems to morph the interactions in a fluid dance. Hesitancy or doubt of any form is gone. Vulnerability is absolute. Love is pure. Each step reinvigorates the process as if tiring is impossible. When I get into this world, I often don’t want to get out of bed because that will end the magic.

I'm not exactly sure how to pose this. I seem to have clicked back toward the mode I was in when I abstained for four plus months. That's good because it's been not so great in the between state. I can tell from the nature of my dreams and how they can incorporate a karezza-esque experience combined with how I'm doing during the day and relating to others. It's not perfect, but a tad better. Karezza fantasy sounds almost nuts, but others have noticed dream-based karezza fantasy so I'm not alone.

Day 32 11/22/11: No wood no libido. No anxiety. This afternoon I got an e-mail from a porn site I subscribed to. I got a jolt but THANK G-D the e-mail came to me in a public place. My e-mail filtered out images so I didn't see any images. I clicked "unsubscribe" without being taken to the site and without pmoing. Zero libido all day so I'm not too surprised that my urge was fleeting. I'm 57 days from meeting my goal.

Day 34 11/24/11: Nothing to report.

Day 35 11/25/11: No wood no libido with sporadic urges to pmo. no anxiety. 54 days from my meeting my goal.

So I'm currently on my 7th day without pmo. I've woken up really early and can't get back to sleep, so figured I'd come on here and make a blog update. I just had a weird dream which I thought I'd share. Its not pmo-related but it is rather interesting in a way.

I haven't looked at porn or had an orgasm in about 40 days. I wasn't addicted - I just never had a reason to want to quit since it all seemed healthy and moderate. My experience since quitting is nothing as crazy as what the men on here describe, but there are vague echoes of it.

I did notice some marked horniness (during sexy movie scenes) in the first two or three weeks that faded to a more comfortable level in week four and beyond. No flatline at all.

Nothing to report of much interest. I'm having some erotic dreams (not wet) and they feel good, somewhat even better than watching porn. No much interest in old things have yet come back but I'm optimist in that they will, sooner or later. It doesn't matter that much anyhow. I'm steadier now.

I'm on day 9 without PMO and I'm starting to feel more "normal" again. It feels good. I do feel tension when I sleep though, which makes me wake up alot and last night I had a lot of weird, very real-feeling dreams, almost nightmares. I think I have read about others experience the same thing and I have experienced it myself before after about one week without.

SICAS: Orange - 4

I've been seriously distracting myself for the last few days in order to counter the intensity (usually "Red - 5") of my impulses. Nevertheless, I have still managed to find some time to fantasize about some rather complex scenarios--though I have stopped mid-thought a number of times. Anyway, I have not masturbated, I have not used porn, I have not orgasmed. But my initial concerns about my ability to fantasize have proven to be well-placed, I think. In the past, this kind of fantasizing has usually led to my seeking out cyber-sex chat partners in short order.