Well, this is really odd for me. I can't stay asleep. Now, I thought it was that my work was causing me to wake up and just ruminate on things left undone and tasks which seem insurmountable. But, it has been a perfect storm of sorts. My first girlfriend of ten years ago, who I proposed to has emailed me out of the blue and let on to some degree that the guy that I though would maybe be for her has gotten married. Fine, no big deal. Kindov. I have not talked to her in ages.

Hi

I am now successfully not masturbating on a regular basis anymore (i.e. 2-3 times a week). That was my routine a few years back. I would be washed out and eating crap for the next day or so. It seems as if I have found what works for me.

This site and my Aneros have helped tremendously. I notice I take chances and talk to women with much more ease and confidence. Alas, I am on a path to mastery. Plenty of more discovery. I am also getting my own place, albeit a tiny bachelor apartment, in Sept.!

Just hang on, it gets better! My best.

I'm back!

Today, I'm feeling so incredibly tired. My head feels like it is too small for my brain. My eyes and forehead feel especially bloated and hard to move my eyes. I feel like I could sleep until tomorrow.

My dopamine report:

*Low Dopamine: 2,15
*High Dopamine: 2,10
*Relationship disharmony: 1,58

I started masturbating about the age of 7, way before i even knew what it was. I use to just enjoy the feeling and kept doing it. I grew up in a violent family and was very stressed all through my childhood so i think i used this as a relief. Im 21 now. I can get an erection but masturbation just doesnt feel good; it feels forced. I even taught i was gay. I spent years avoiding gay porn because it turned me on and i didnt want to escalate it. That gave me a lot of anxiety.

Again an update, but only dopamine update. Have been intensely busy the latest days, so as soon as I can, I will blog more about my experience and my techniques that have worked for me! I'll be back soon!

But my dopamine report:
*Low Dopamine: 0,92
*High Dopamine: 0,3
*Relationship disharmony: 1,58

Pertonis

An update of my dopamine following:

*Low Dopamine: 0,54
*High Dopamine: 0,8
*Relationship disharmony: 2,42

Pertonis

The third day! I feel like I'm making process, one little step at a time. I feel stronger in my fortitude to move away from this type of lifestyle, so I can finally live my dreams. Porn and unhealthy sexuality is preventing me from doing that.

Here's my update:

*Low Dopamine: 0,08
*High Dopamine: 2,4
*Relationship disharmony: 1,92

Day Zero.

I succumbed to the addiction last night. More of a binge, 3 times in 12 hours while watching porn...

but i realized i probably set myself up for failure from the get go. the day counting need to stop. i suggest that to everyone. its not a goal to be reached, its about overcoming, enduring. One day at a time.

Need to not dwell on it as much...

im moving my computer out of the bedroom. heavily limiting my time on it now...

anytime i feel anything, run away, distraction...hobby