Social Experiences

I notice incredible heart energy present at times in my dream / lucid dream state. I say heart because I don’t know how else to describe it. It’s linked to sexual energy but not inherently sexual. I interact in ways that I’m not sure my conscious being could actually execute. The energy seems to morph the interactions in a fluid dance. Hesitancy or doubt of any form is gone. Vulnerability is absolute. Love is pure. Each step reinvigorates the process as if tiring is impossible. When I get into this world, I often don’t want to get out of bed because that will end the magic.

I"ve noticed a pattern that I'm trying to understand. When I do something social that expands my range of experiences, it tends to push me toward addiction of whatever form. I don't quite understand this as the socializing should in theory sooth addictive tendencies. There are various possibilities including (1) lack of fulfillment, (2) over-stimulation, (3) triggering anxieties (4) going in with subconscious expectations and feeling let down, etc.

Last night was another mixed bag of experiences. On the positive side, I was out with friends and I found the courage in me to go talk to an attractive woman at the bar. Unfortunately, I think she was more interested in my friend than me but we had some fun conversations anyway. She also give me her number so we'll see what comes of it but I don't have high hopes. It started off well but we were running out of things to say at the end of the night and it felt like the chemistry just wasn't there - and like I said, I think she was interested in my friend.