It is the wine of sex that gives love its enchantment and divine dreams. This is easily proven by giving lovers unrestricted license to express their transports. No sooner have they wasted the wine of sex by reckless embraces - often a single orgasm will thus temporarily demagnetize the man - tho they love each other just the same, as they will each stoutly assert - the irresistible attraction and radiance and magnetic thrills are gone, and there is a strange drop into cool, critical intellection or indifference, or perhaps dislike…. To have frequent orgasmal embraces, as most married lovers do, is to keep the wine in the sexual beakers low by constant spilling, to thus kill all romance and delight and finally starve and tire out love itself. 
The Karezza Method by J. William Lloyd is a gem: short, eloquent, practical, and charmingly quaint (published in 1931). Although Lloyd and I arrived at our conclusions independently, we concur on point after point.
Try to feel yourself a magnetic battery, advises Lloyd.
As you acquire the habit of giving your sexual electricity out in blessing to your partner from your sex-organs, hands, lips, skin, eyes and voice, you will acquire the power to satisfy yourself and her without an orgasm. Soon you will not even think of self-control, because you will have no desire for the orgasm, nor will she. Lloyd also notes the ability of Karezza (controlled intercourse) to nourish lovers. He reports a sense of sweet satisfaction, fullness of realization, peace, often a physical glow and mental glamour that lasts for days, as if some ethereal stimulant, or rather nutriment, had been received. And, in successful Karezza the sex-organs become quiet, satisfied, demagnetized, as perfectly as by the orgasm, while the rest of the body of each partner glows with a wonderful vigor and conscious joy…tending to irradiate the whole being with romantic love; and always with an after-feeling of health purity and wellbeing. We are most happy and good-humored as after a full meal.
Not only does focusing on giving or feeding move you away from hungry grabbing, but, as Gary and I learned from recent research, a selfless focus also seems to trigger the production of more oxytocin, while avoiding the hungry feelings from too much dopamine. Research has shown that oxytocin benefits one’s health, peace of mind, and ability to bond more deeply.
Throughout the book, Lloyd describes the hangover that orgasm can produce. Here is one of his more evocative descriptions:
It is the common experience that there is a sense of loss, weakness, and dispelled illusion, following quickly on the first grateful feeling of relief. There has been a momentary joy, but too brief and epileptic to make much impression on consciousness, and now it is gone, leaving no memory. The lights have gone out, the music has stopped. The weakness is often so severe as to cause pallor, faintness, vertigo [dizziness], dyspepsia [indigestion], disgust, irritability, shame, dislike, or other pathological or unloving symptoms. This especially on the man’s part, but perhaps to some extent on the woman’s part too. Even if no more, there is lassitude, sudden indifference, a wish to sleep. A wet blanket has fallen, for the time at least, on the flame of love. Romance drops and crawls like a winged bird.
Modern neuroscience suggests that these symptoms may be the result of such physiological changes as a precipitous drop in dopamine (the craving neurochemical) levels after orgasm, a rise in prolactin (the sexual satiation neurochemical), and a decrease in testosterone receptors on nerve cells in the brain’s limbic system.
Addictiveness of orgasmic sex
Lloyd was aware of the link between orgasmic sex and addictive behavior. He notes, for example, that orgasm’s aftermath can produce a craving for stimulants. He says that,
indulging in orgasm frequently as a mere pleasure and indulgence creates a vice: the wine of sex may sometimes go to the head and lead to a preoccupation with sex bordering on satyriasis or nymphomania, just as any other passion may become an emotional intoxication.
He notes that love and the thrill of sex are delightful,
but if continued too long the inevitable result is that the nerves become powerless to appreciate or respond….and finally may end by devitalizing love and sex themselves.
Here he correctly describes the way dopamine behaves in the course of any addictive behavior. An intense rise in dopamine levels is succeeded by lows, setting up an addictive, ultimately unsatisfying, cycle. He points out that those who practice Karezza,
are less liable to excess, because spared the waste of the orgasm. In contrast, those who do not use Karezza are vastly more liable to excess, and this usually from too frequent and intense orgasms….
He even suggests that excessive action of the endocrine glands can lead to the sexual insanity behind rape and pathological jealousy.
Karezza heals and beautifies
Lloyd states that the Karezza approach to lovemaking
bestows glow and vigor on the sexual parts and wine-like inspiration upon the spirit of the partners…without producing a reaction (hangover). It is one of the best agencies for the benefit and cure of ordinary sexual weaknesses and ailments, including urethritis [urinary tract infection] and prostatitis [enlargement of the prostate gland].
He also knew it to act like magic in painful menstruation. His discovery of health benefits stemming from this practice was of particular interest to me because my chronic urinary tract infections (and yeast infections) stopped when I changed the way I made love. Gary found some research showing that prostate enlargement, depression, impotence and other conditions have been linked to high levels of prolactin, a neurochemical that rises after orgasm. Lloyd also mentions that Karezza acts as a remarkable nerve sedative, even curing nervous headache.
In our personal experience it certainly improves sleep and eases depression and addiction. He advises directing currents of energy to any ailing part of one’s partner with the conscious thought of healing. Beyond specific healing, Karezza also increases general physical health and mental vigor, maintains youth, and is one of the best health exercises, according to Lloyd.
Karezza is the greatest beautifier because it increases and makes enduring the heart love.
The faces of those who practice it tend to become exceedingly beautiful…a serene, sweet light in the eye, a delicacy and refinement of line, a radiance and play of feature, a glad timbre in the voice, that vibrates an inexpressible magnetism…make even the plainest personality fascinating.
In the interest of brevity, I will merely summarize some of the other similarities between our work and The Karezza Method. One is the importance of a heart focus during lovemaking. Karezza, Lloyd assures us,
is easy and successful in proportion to the abundance of mutual love - and hard and difficult to the extent that mere sex-craving dominates love.
A second similarity is the important role of touch itself. He says that the exchange and mutual feeding between lovers is most easily effected by touch. Third, Lloyd emphasizes the spiritual aspects of this practice. Sex he says, is very close to soul…..
[it only satisfies] when it unites souls, not merely copulates bodies for a thrill. Indeed, he advises that if you would increase your sexual control, keep the spiritual on top, dominant - loving is the first thing, and at-one-ment…of your souls, your real end.
He notes that this coveted oneness represents the re-creation of the divine androgyne.
The full magnetic rapport of Karezza occurs when two souls and bodies seem as one, floating on some divine stream in Paradise….This is the real ideal and end of Karezza. You will finally enter into such unity that in your fullest embrace you can hardly tell yourselves apart and can read each other’s thoughts. You will feel a physical unity as if her blood flowed in your veins, her flesh were yours. For this is the Soul-Blending Embrace.
Finally, not only did Lloyd suspect the vital role of the endocrine glands in sex and sexual hangovers, he also touched on the evolutionary biology of sex.
Nature meant [orgasm] only for propagation and its whole modus operandi is calculated to check love, defeat love, and turn love into indifference or aversion. By contrast, Karezza promotes monogamy from within. It makes marriage more delicious than courtship, more romantic than wooing, and maintains an endless, satisfying honeymoon…..Nothing else known makes the course of true love run so smooth as Karezza.
In future articles I will return to The Karezza Method to focus on the author’s suggestions for women and their vital role in successful sacred sexuality. I will also look at his advice as to the mechanics of learning to make love differently.