Comparing Neo-Daoism with Karezza

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Taoist loversTaoist Secrets of Love: Cultivating Male Sexual Energy by Mantak Chia (with Michael Winn) was my first introduction to the wisdom of making love without striving for orgasm. This book made a big impression on me and I am very grateful to its authors. Chia, a neo-Taoist master, teaches men another way to manage their sexual energy, as well as the weakness in humanity's current habits. His book greatly expanded my understanding of my role as a lover, helping me to become a safer lover.

However, even before I stumbled upon the ancient account of Taoist lovemaking in the work ascribed to the famous Taoist sage, Laozi (or "Lao Tzu"), I realized that there was an inherent inconsistency in Chia’s teachings.

The Lazy Way to Stay in Love

Discover the Magic of Bonding Behaviors

Exotic lovers“All that we can surmise of humankinds genetic history argues for a more liberal sexual morality, in which sexual practices are to be regarded first as bonding devices and only second as a means for procreation.” ~ E.O. Wilson

While waiting for a concert to begin at our local county fair, my husband and I checked out a reptile exhibit that included an animal trainer with a live alligator resting calmly on his lap. As we stroked the gator, I asked the trainer why it was so tame. “I pet it daily. If I didn’t, it would quickly be wild again, and wouldn’t allow this,” he explained. I was surprised. Only months earlier I had begun to grasp the power of bonding behaviors (skin-to-skin contact, gentle stroking and so forth) to evoke the desire to bond without our having to do anything more.

What Can Chimps Teach the Church About Sex?

hug sculptureCurious about why a pope condemned karezza, I recently waded through the late Archbishop Exner's The Amplexus Reservatus (The Reserved Embrace). It traced some eye-opening Catholic doctrine about the purpose of marriage, much of which dates back to Church father Augustine of Hippo (b. 354 CE). He's well known for his prayer, "Grant me chastity and continence...but not yet!"

Science

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Marriage dreamsHuman behavior varies a lot. As compared with other primates, we're heavily influenced by culture, religion, family upbringing, and so forth. As a consequence, it's logical to conclude that our fitful monogamy is purely culturally induced and not instinctual. (On the other hand, we readily seem to accept that promiscuous tendencies are wired into our brains.) In fact, we are programmed to pair bond—just as we're programmed to add notches to our belts.

How to Talk to Cupid

What signals are you giving your mate?

Aphrodite reasoning with CupidHit by Cupid's arrow! It feels so good that you might seek a permanent bond, convinced that passion will keep you both quivering with ecstasy for a lifetime. Yet Cupid is a sneaky dude, or rather the biological agenda he personifies does not, in fact, promote enduring love without a little tweaking.

Brain activity of porn addicts similar to drug addicts

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Cambridge scansAs many of you know, the massive experiment of guys giving up porn to heal their ED, social anxiety, porn-induced sexual fetishes, etc. had its roots, in part, on this forum. Last year, Cambridge University addiction neuroscientists, collaborating with a Yale neuroscience addiction expert, finally took a close look at the brains of young men complaining of severe porn-related symptoms.

Why Stop Orgasm Research at Climax?

synapse[Huffington Post] Mary Roach's irreverent orgasm trivia reminds us that researchers, like porn makers, tend to snap their notebooks shut right after the money shot. Yet some of the most intriguing findings about orgasm may lie beyond its brief fireworks. Post-O data could one day help solve all kinds of mysteries, such as why lovers' libidos often go out of sync -- especially after those initial "honeymoon poppers" wear off.

Do Pair Bonders Need Different Sex Advice?

Are we training for sprints or marathons?

Fork in the roadWhat if the ideal sexual behavior for those who want to maintain a long-term pair bond is not the same as for those who prefer to change partners frequently? Perhaps there should be two norms for the sexually active—depending upon whether they wish to sustain a pair bond, or engage in sex without forming one.

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