New York Times, January 11, 2015 - More than 20 years ago, the psychologist Arthur Aron succeeded in making two strangers fall in love in his laboratory. Last summer, I applied his technique in my own life, which is how I found myself standing on a bridge at midnight, staring into a man’s eyes for exactly four minutes.
Taoist Secrets of Love: Cultivating Male Sexual Energy by Mantak Chia (with Michael Winn) was my first introduction to the wisdom of making love without striving for orgasm. This book made a big impression on me and I am very grateful to its authors. Chia, a neo-Taoist master, teaches men another way to manage their sexual energy, as well as the weakness in humanity's current habits. His book greatly expanded my understanding of my role as a lover, helping me to become a safer lover.
However, even before I stumbled upon the ancient account of Taoist lovemaking in the work ascribed to the famous Taoist sage, Laozi (or "Lao Tzu"), I realized that there was an inherent inconsistency in Chia’s teachings.
Discover the Magic of Bonding Behaviors
“All that we can surmise of humankinds genetic history argues for a more liberal sexual morality, in which sexual practices are to be regarded first as bonding devices and only second as a means for procreation.” ~ E.O. Wilson
While waiting for a concert to begin at our local county fair, my husband and I checked out a reptile exhibit that included an animal trainer with a live alligator resting calmly on his lap. As we stroked the gator, I asked the trainer why it was so tame. “I pet it daily. If I didn’t, it would quickly be wild again, and wouldn’t allow this,” he explained. I was surprised. Only months earlier I had begun to grasp the power of bonding behaviors (skin-to-skin contact, gentle stroking and so forth) to evoke the desire to bond without our having to do anything more.
Curious about why a pope condemned karezza, I recently waded through the late Archbishop Exner's The Amplexus Reservatus (The Reserved Embrace). It traced some eye-opening Catholic doctrine about the purpose of marriage, much of which dates back to Church father Augustine of Hippo (b. 354 CE). He's well known for his prayer, "Grant me chastity and continence...but not yet!"
Human behavior varies a lot. As compared with other primates, we're heavily influenced by culture, religion, family upbringing, and so forth. As a consequence, it's logical to conclude that our fitful monogamy is purely culturally induced and not instinctual. (On the other hand, we readily seem to accept that promiscuous tendencies are wired into our brains.) In fact, we are programmed to pair bond—just as we're programmed to add notches to our belts.
What signals are you giving your mate?
Hit by Cupid's arrow! It feels so good that you might seek a permanent bond, convinced that passion will keep you both quivering with ecstasy for a lifetime. Yet Cupid is a sneaky dude, or rather the biological agenda he personifies does not, in fact, promote enduring love without a little tweaking.
As many of you know, the massive experiment of guys giving up porn to heal their ED, social anxiety, porn-induced sexual fetishes, etc. had its roots, in part, on this forum. Last year, Cambridge University addiction neuroscientists, collaborating with a Yale neuroscience addiction expert, finally took a close look at the brains of young men complaining of severe porn-related symptoms.
[Huffington Post] Mary Roach's irreverent orgasm trivia reminds us that researchers, like porn makers, tend to snap their notebooks shut right after the money shot. Yet some of the most intriguing findings about orgasm may lie beyond its brief fireworks. Post-O data could one day help solve all kinds of mysteries, such as why lovers' libidos often go out of sync -- especially after those initial "honeymoon poppers" wear off.
I wondered what had happened to this guy. We wrote about him years ago: Forbidden Sex Research: the Orgasm Cycle. Shouldn't we learn more about orgasm's effects on women before we market heavy-handed surgical solutions?
Meet the researcher struggling to gain approval for his medical device, which was originally designed to relieve back pain, but turned out to be an orgasm inducer.
An unconventional approach to sex known as karezza has been linked with improving health and restoring relationships, says Fiona Baker.
There’s an interesting new idea being discussed in sex therapy circles as a way to enhance relationships and revive sex lives. It involves having regular intercourse without it ending in orgasm.