looking4balance's blog

Doing Better with some help

Submitted by looking4balance on

Many thanks for Jorgen (indirectly as it was a suggestion in someone else's post) but I have been really committing to a lecture series on working with the mind and creating new paradigms while shedding old beliefs. The website has lots of great articles and mp3 and the best thing is, its really just common sense and sound practical advice, nothing esoteric or mystical. Listening at night before bed and doing the exercises throughout the day is a real help. I started slipping pretty bad there, but was able to turn it around. Thanks Jorgen for that!

not bottom but...

Submitted by looking4balance on

not where i was that is for sure. I was doing pretty well there with 4 weeks porn free (not exactly without orgasm via dating, but) and then i came across by accident a file that was in my trash bin and opened it to see it. in a flash, i let the gates open and ended up masturbating to porn on a binge. the pain and despair i caused was so intense, that i found myself doing it again the next night and the next....trying to keep feelings of lonliness and shame a bay with the very activity that creates more isolation and shame! lol....we addicts ain't too bright, huh..lol

one step at a time

Submitted by looking4balance on

Been working some serious overtime lately but, somehow, despite the urge to numb out to the stress and worry with porn, i haven't. It's been about 3 weeks. That isn't to say i haven't orgasmed since i have, but it was with a partner and it was slow and conscious. I think it makes sense to deal with these issue in order or porn (1) and then (2) sacred sex. For me, i think there needs to be some levels of competence and progression if this will work in the long run. It's cool some people can do them at once.

time for solitude and sometimes struggle

Submitted by looking4balance on

I have been working at home the last few weeks and the amount of time spent alone has been really excrutiating at times and has made the porn addiction even harder to deal with. It seems boredom, loneliness, fear of future..all these things can make porn seem so inviting and wipe away uncomfortable feelings, going numb using fantasy and sexual images. But I also know that the aftermath is depression and despair, so i have been not indulging. Having the previous structure of working full time in the office didn't give me as many chances or freedom to do what i want during the day.

Honestly

Submitted by looking4balance on

i dont know what to do at this point. I have been trying all the different approaches to deal with being stimulated by the sight of beautiful women in my viewline, and they work, but at some point, its just too much and i either end up masturbating or having addicitve/objectify-ish sex with a girl. The 'be thankful to the universe for being witness to their beauty' and 'look, feel, move on' and '3rd person observer' approaches i mentioned before are good but only for so long.

Well ...

Submitted by looking4balance on

I did it, i got up the courage and left my job to find a situation that suits my skills better and is a healthier environment. This has been some ordeal. But despite all the stress and sleepless nights over the past year, I also learned that I can handle a hell of a lot without breaking.

just current stuff

Submitted by looking4balance on

Hi all,

Today I'm not writing about sexual addiction per se, but it seems evident by the types of situations I am dealing with and the accompanying feelings/thoughts, I can see some of the ways these personality/character traits manifest in sex addiction.

As i wrote some days ago, this has been THE longest job-leaving experience of my life. Even its a bad company, toxic environment (warm sigh..sounds like home), I still find all these feelings come up such as..

-fear of disappointing/letting others down
-fear of others potential anger

a good night

Submitted by looking4balance on

Last light, like many other a weekend night, I found myself sitting in my room, wanting to go out and socialize since i had stayed at home in the evenings most of the week. After calling a few friends (who all had plans it turned out), i started my usual follow up thinking "oh everone is out having fun, poor me, sitting home alone on a Sat night" kind of helpless, victim-ish. Its THAT time that I usually reach for porn or some sex distraction. I read through some journaling I had done where I found a list of activites i could do when alone.

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