looking4balance's blog

one magical moment

Submitted by looking4balance on

Hey all.. :)

Read this in some sexual addiction literature and strongly identified with it. It describes a certain type of sex addict
Craving/seeking: Validation, Erotic highs. distraction, One magical sexual attachment that will heal all wounds

Attracted to: “Hot” people for validation, Stable others who will care for them

Impersonal sex: Seeking instant validation with “perfect” others who are then found to be imperfect, resulting in serial, non-intimate relationships.

just checking in

Submitted by looking4balance on

Not really looking for answers today, just felt like writing, even just to myself :)
Been in a good pattern lately (which is not by accident) so wanted to list out the things that are helping.

mind and heart together

Submitted by looking4balance on

I am noticing when I add compassion (heart) to aid in the struggle in quiting porn and ceasing to use women for sexual pleasure only (or dopamine hits or self esteem boost, or whatever) its of great benefit. Compassion mostly for the person who I am about the objectify, the person who I know wants more than just sex, but might do it in hopes of it becoming more when I know there is no relationship wanted on my end.

permanent brain damage?

Submitted by looking4balance on

Still riding the coaster. Quiting an addiction seems to be the hardest thing in the world and yet the easiest in another sense. I encourage the younger male members of the site to really listen to the stories here of men and look at and he results of years and years of addictive behavior. Beware it's effects on the mind and the impediment for general peace and happiness that can result. Not from a standpoint of sin, or any such nonsense, but from the scientific point of ruining your brain, and the spiritual one of distancing your from your Spirit, your humanity.

nothing changes if nothing changes

Submitted by looking4balance on

I had a major setback over the weekend and am really starting to question my commitment to really changing in regards to the misuse of my sexuality. I don't want to laden it too much with guilt since i know that is useless, but I can't help feeling so let down that I the decisions I made were ones of least resistance and not beneficial to longer-term goals.

confused about whether should be raising dopamine after a drop from an 'O'

Submitted by looking4balance on

as I wrote a few days ago, i made one week (again) and then had an orgasm party over weekend..no porn but still had conventional sex a few times. Funny this is always on Sunday and my Monday blues I always attributed to work but maybe its not work. hmmm...Anyway, the same feelings the next few days are present - feel down, depressed, disconntected from others, VERY lethargic, sleepy, no energy..etc. So, I know this is a Dopamine drop and Seratonin too (i think) from the orgasms. Now I am trying to figure out what i can do the balance things in my brain a bit.

under the addiction

Submitted by looking4balance on

well folks, what i am finding underneath my acting addictively and numbing myself is good ol' depression. Seeing how my old ways to avoid pain clearly dont work and that I used this to cover my depression makes even MORE depressed! haha...but at least this is more real than an addictive numbed out state. i am trying to just feel it with out changing too much, although i am finding a good jog really lifts me out of myself and gives some vitality (no doubt dopamine).