looking4balance's blog

Random thoughts ..

Submitted by looking4balance on

Today i feel a bit more depressed then yesterday. But another porn-free night (yeh), although I WAS tempted (to rid the depression). I had Google ready to go, but chose not to and went to sleep instead. I have noticed my dreams are becoming more sexual...

Some thoughts/questions this morning ...

i wonder why 90 percent of my friends are women?
-Do i think one day there is a chance i could sleep with them?
-Do I get some healing/soothing Yin energy by being in their company?

boring, but sane evening ...

Submitted by looking4balance on

Last night I decided to do my activities in a more centered way. It was OK, but kind of boring (why boring is such a four-letter word?). I made my dinner without the comforting background buzz of the TV, ate my meal slowly and in silence - being attentive to the food instead of shoveling it down, ironed shirts and carefully folded them, sat zazen for 20 minutes, read a bit and then went to bed. Great huh?

sex and self esteem

Submitted by looking4balance on

well, as posted in another part of the site, i went a week and then had traditional sex with my GF. Although i still havent looked at porn in 2 weeks, the sex felt addictive, selfish, and ultimately part of a bigger problem i have surrounding sex and sense of self worth.

Introduction to my Journey

Submitted by looking4balance on


I'd like to share my journey from sex addiction and wholeness through this blog in hopes that it might not only help me in my recovery, but also maybe help some others struggling with similar issues. If some dialog or mutual support arise as well, all the better! I will continually try to keep relevant to the purpose of this website and will refrain from graphic descriptions. Ok...Some background info might be in order here. this is long so be warned. : )