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In the Muck

Submitted by thelongrun on

I am swimming in some muck, walking through the mud. Ever walk through a creek and almost get your boot pulled off from the mud? That is where i am.
My life is in a downward spiral out of my control. My wife is leaving me (or more aptly, she is dumping me and I am leaving her as I am moving out.) I can do nothing to stop it. We both agree that if we are to get any perspective, we need to be away from each other. Then who knows.
It is bleeding me dry. My heart is so broken.

not bottom but...

Submitted by looking4balance on

not where i was that is for sure. I was doing pretty well there with 4 weeks porn free (not exactly without orgasm via dating, but) and then i came across by accident a file that was in my trash bin and opened it to see it. in a flash, i let the gates open and ended up masturbating to porn on a binge. the pain and despair i caused was so intense, that i found myself doing it again the next night and the next....trying to keep feelings of lonliness and shame a bay with the very activity that creates more isolation and shame! lol....we addicts ain't too bright, huh..lol

Urges, Temptation and Sleep

Submitted by thelongrun on

Lets start with - I need sleep. I was a conference with loads of friends and I think the earliest I got to bed was 1:30 AM and usually it was closer to 3. Still got up at 7 for shower and breakfast and I was involved in leading so much that I did not slow down all day. So my body needs sleep this week and I will be intentional about giving it sleep.

Sincerity

Submitted by Frank on

1:40 PM 11/10/2007

After a relapse that occured last month, I've not committed myself seriously to overcoming addiction. The whole month has been a failure, both at school and in personal life.

I want to answer the question: how sincere am I in attempting to achieve freedom from addiction?

First, I need to know what sincerity is. Sincere means genuine. A sincere attempt to perform an activity means that the doer has an unfailing desire to do the task, and does not give up despite failures in attempting his endeavour.

Away from my life, but closer to me this week...

Submitted by thelongrun on

I have gotten away. For a work conference with friends so it was not all pleasure but it was pleasurable.
I got outside, supported by old friends, met new friends, and relaxed. I have loads of stuff to come home to at home and I could just break down and cry if I let myself - which I probably should because it is good for me. But this week has been life affirming.

Thirteen

sood's picture
Submitted by sood on

I haven't posted for a while. It's been an odd period. Having visitors, visiting others, I've found really disrupts routine, especially new routines that haven't become fixed. What happens then is that old routines reassert themselves. I think I've finally cottoned on the the fact that it's okay when others are around that our attention which previously we would give to each other should become easily fragmented; and that when we're alone again there's no need to resent the period of 'separation' so much as relish the possibilities of new found togetherness.

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