i dont know what to do at this point. I have been trying all the different approaches to deal with being stimulated by the sight of beautiful women in my viewline, and they work, but at some point, its just too much and i either end up masturbating or having addicitve/objectify-ish sex with a girl. The 'be thankful to the universe for being witness to their beauty' and 'look, feel, move on' and '3rd person observer' approaches i mentioned before are good but only for so long.
During the last 3 days of abstinence, there was virtually no reminding of the benefits of abstinence and the positive programming, I just left it on auto-pilot, mainly because I was so busy meeting relatives and other small things to do. Here's what I was writing today. I've censored it, so it won't catch the wrong kind of attention, but not too much because it has to convey what I felt.
12:16 PM 9/16/2007
Alright now I have some urges coming on and I'm almost on the verge of beginning to see porn... THIS is the moment that I get caught on everytime.
Three things stand out for us at the moment.
The first is our adoption of daily choices. By this, I mean each day's affectionate activity 'belongs' to one or other of us. Taking it in turns, we decide and initiate what we would like to do, when, and for how long. This could mean passionate sex in the afternoon, or a slow cuddle in the evening. The important part is that neither one of us has a monopoly over deciding, and initiating, what we do. This has been extraordinarily helpful.
I have decided to have an Anthem for My Recovery Process, which I will hear and keep in mind every day. The song I found suits the purpose in both lyrics and sound. If you hear it, you'll notice that the first half of the song is fully rajasic (loud metal). The next half is traditional Indian music with an electric guitar as background and it gives a very sattvic effect. So, it's ideal for a person who wishes to get out of the tamasic state of mind.
For the last four days, I got up at 5:30AM, took a cold shower, did exercise and began work. Today I managed to do the same too. But today I did not stay abstinent, and I was procrastinating all the time while "doing work". Again, I watched porn, ended up masturbating to ejaculation.
This is my first blog posted on Reuniting. Hopefully this blog will be about ways to help out my friends who are addicted to masturbation by informing them on ways and methods that i have successfully used and sometimes failed to use that are helpful in recovering from this debilitating habit. Also understanding that Sh*t happens, this blog might touch on different topics as others ask for more information on what i know.
First things first:
Education: Bachelor's in Psychology
Work: serving others
I've had a confusing and illuminating past week.
I've seen just how deep seated my fertilization-driven brain is, and how strongly it determines my behavior. Overcoming orgasm is just a really small part of starting to become aware of the many ways I operate from the standpoint of biological sucess of future offspring.
I did it, i got up the courage and left my job to find a situation that suits my skills better and is a healthier environment. This has been some ordeal. But despite all the stress and sleepless nights over the past year, I also learned that I can handle a hell of a lot without breaking.
I don't know why I have to be the one with the bad news in here all the time, but I really am in need of feedback.
Today I'm not writing about sexual addiction per se, but it seems evident by the types of situations I am dealing with and the accompanying feelings/thoughts, I can see some of the ways these personality/character traits manifest in sex addiction.
As i wrote some days ago, this has been THE longest job-leaving experience of my life. Even its a bad company, toxic environment (warm sigh..sounds like home), I still find all these feelings come up such as..
-fear of disappointing/letting others down
-fear of others potential anger