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Random thoughts ..

Submitted by looking4balance on

Today i feel a bit more depressed then yesterday. But another porn-free night (yeh), although I WAS tempted (to rid the depression). I had Google ready to go, but chose not to and went to sleep instead. I have noticed my dreams are becoming more sexual...

Some thoughts/questions this morning ...

i wonder why 90 percent of my friends are women?
-Do i think one day there is a chance i could sleep with them?
-Do I get some healing/soothing Yin energy by being in their company?


sood's picture
Submitted by sood on

There's a lot of talk on this forum about porn and unwanted sexual feelings. I've never thought of myself as being addicted to porn, or my sexual feelings as being anything other than 'natural'; but I thought I should reconsider this.

Blog update

hotspring's picture
Submitted by hotspring on

My self-loving experiments haven't gone far since my last post. I haven't felt like masturbating and meditating at all. It's no replacement for a real person to make love to. I guess I'm feeling lonely lately, is what it comes down to.

I have had some fun sex in the dreamworld though. Again, the sex in my dreams has become very playful and enjoyable since my deeper explorations in tantric meditation.

boring, but sane evening ...

Submitted by looking4balance on

Last night I decided to do my activities in a more centered way. It was OK, but kind of boring (why boring is such a four-letter word?). I made my dinner without the comforting background buzz of the TV, ate my meal slowly and in silence - being attentive to the food instead of shoveling it down, ironed shirts and carefully folded them, sat zazen for 20 minutes, read a bit and then went to bed. Great huh?

Introduction to my Journey

Submitted by looking4balance on


I'd like to share my journey from sex addiction and wholeness through this blog in hopes that it might not only help me in my recovery, but also maybe help some others struggling with similar issues. If some dialog or mutual support arise as well, all the better! I will continually try to keep relevant to the purpose of this website and will refrain from graphic descriptions. Ok...Some background info might be in order here. this is long so be warned. : )


sood's picture
Submitted by sood on

We've had a couple of lovemaking encounters recently that have emphasised for me how difficult change in this area is.

On the first occasion, we failed to agree in advance how our session would 'end'. Things went well, initially. After half an hour or so of relative inactivity, I experienced an extraordinary merging moment, where I could no longer sense the boundary between my wife and myself. This followed a series of involuntary butterfly sensations of gurgling and contracting in and around our genitals. It felt supremely peaceful and I could have remained like that indefinitely.

However, I also felt I could go on indefinitely, and serve as required, and an underlying sense of this nagged at the back of my mind like a pressing appointment. I asked my wife if she wanted to continue and she nodded. It then became a matter of pride to assist her to orgasm while refraining myself.