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hotspring's picture
Submitted by hotspring on

My self-loving experiments haven't gone far since my last post. I haven't felt like masturbating and meditating at all. It's no replacement for a real person to make love to. I guess I'm feeling lonely lately, is what it comes down to.

I have had some fun sex in the dreamworld though. Again, the sex in my dreams has become very playful and enjoyable since my deeper explorations in tantric meditation.

boring, but sane evening ...

Submitted by looking4balance on

Last night I decided to do my activities in a more centered way. It was OK, but kind of boring (why boring is such a four-letter word?). I made my dinner without the comforting background buzz of the TV, ate my meal slowly and in silence - being attentive to the food instead of shoveling it down, ironed shirts and carefully folded them, sat zazen for 20 minutes, read a bit and then went to bed. Great huh?

Introduction to my Journey

Submitted by looking4balance on

Hi,

I'd like to share my journey from sex addiction and wholeness through this blog in hopes that it might not only help me in my recovery, but also maybe help some others struggling with similar issues. If some dialog or mutual support arise as well, all the better! I will continually try to keep relevant to the purpose of this website and will refrain from graphic descriptions. Ok...Some background info might be in order here. this is long so be warned. : )

Five

sood's picture
Submitted by sood on

We've had a couple of lovemaking encounters recently that have emphasised for me how difficult change in this area is.

On the first occasion, we failed to agree in advance how our session would 'end'. Things went well, initially. After half an hour or so of relative inactivity, I experienced an extraordinary merging moment, where I could no longer sense the boundary between my wife and myself. This followed a series of involuntary butterfly sensations of gurgling and contracting in and around our genitals. It felt supremely peaceful and I could have remained like that indefinitely.

However, I also felt I could go on indefinitely, and serve as required, and an underlying sense of this nagged at the back of my mind like a pressing appointment. I asked my wife if she wanted to continue and she nodded. It then became a matter of pride to assist her to orgasm while refraining myself.

Orgasmic energy and breath

hotspring's picture
Submitted by hotspring on

I haven't masturbated much since I last posted. I sucessfully abstained from orgasm once and felt no loss at all from it. Another time I did have an orgasm but it was of a very different sort. I noticed that when I was breathe in, the anterior wall of my vagina, where the g-spot is, expands, and when I breathe out, it contracts. This is without any intentional muscle movement. I'm learning how linked deep breathing is to high states of ecstatic bliss.

When I was younger I practically held my breath when I masturbated, and noticed then that I didn't feel much ecstatic energy when I breathed deeply. Probably I was more focused then on the clitoral and up and inward pulling sensations alone and didn't know how to balance them with the outward pouring ones (and by this I don't necessarily mean ejaculation, tho that is the extreme version of it. still, there is a gentle releasing and vulnerability when the uterus is pushed down and the muscles are expanded rather than contracted, that is very open and lovely, and which is a balance to the upward pulling).

To abstain or not to abstain from Female Ejaculation

hotspring's picture
Submitted by hotspring on

I recently began ejaculating during masturbation, and notice it as being very distinct from conventional orgasm and not necessarily simultaneous with it. I am less inclined to stop ejactulating since this is something that I have only recently experienced and want to explore more. Certainly it is very luscious and very ecstatic, in a rushing, generous, free-flowing way, with a quality very distinct from orgasm that is not as aggressive or sharp.

I have heard differing opinions as to whether female ejaculation is draining or not. The fact is, very little is known or shared about this capacity in women. In his book "Healing Love Through the Tao: Cultivating Female Sexual Energy", Mantak Chia says only: "Now that women's ejaculation is known to occur, there will probably be much relief, relaxation, and increased pleasure among women who have this capacity." He does not seem to equate it with the "outward pouring orgasm" that he says should be held inside and transformed into "beyond orgasm." This is interesting, since ejaculate is certainly more of a literal "outpouring" than conventional orgasm.

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