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sood's picture
Submitted by sood on

Something came up last night as we were making love. We were managing fine, staying well within the 30%-70% Zone of Excitement, when I ran into the usual wall of voices.

"More friction needed ..."
"This is so good ... let's make it better."
"Let's go all the way ... we can start afresh tomorrow."

I was able to laugh these voices off, and stayed, I like to think, reasonably in control, when another voice piped up:

"So, if we aren't going to climax, how are we going to end?"

Nobody else was in the house so there were no noise prohibitions. We weren't under any time constraints. We weren't yet tired. My wife was flushed and excited, as was I.


sood's picture
Submitted by sood on

I've been wondering recently how much my sex life determines my mood. I've noticed over the years that an event or thought that might sometimes cause a major reaction in me, resulting in a flare up or brown study, can on other occasions cause as little disturbance as water on a duck's back. I've always assumed that something in my personality determined this, and that it was largely outside my control; or, at least, the internal reaction of rage or disappointment was outside my control, whereas, of course, the choice of whether or not I 'give in' to the emotion was mine alone.

I'm now wondering if something as seemingly innocuous as regular orgasms could be the cause of this. In other words, if orgasm makes the status quo seem like something I need to get away from – to spread my genes by impregnating someone other than my wife – then making the present seem less than fantastic would be the best way of going about it.


sood's picture
Submitted by sood on


It's been an instructive few days, making it clear that change of this sort is not easy.

On the occasions we've made love recently, although we've started out with the best of intentions, I've managed to either overreact defensively, bringing the session to a premature end, or to change gear midway through and steer things to a not so triumphant conclusion.

Any fault is largely mine, rather than my wife's, because she is far more open to 'whatever happens', whereas I like to make what I think is 'the right' thing happen.

Specifically, I found that if we didn't 'do' enough for me to remain sexually aroused in the only way I recognise (i.e., maintaining an erection), I lost interest, to the point of not wanting to continue. A couple of times, we just rolled over and went to sleep.


sood's picture
Submitted by sood on

My wife and I have been married for more than thirty years. We've both in our early fifties. We've always enjoyed our sex life, but recently, it's got a little twitchy, with me wanting one thing and my wife another, and an increasing difference in the frequency of our desire for lovemaking.

We've tried a lot of different approaches to get things back on an even keel. One of the best is the Coital Alignment Technique (similar to 'grinding the corn'), which is great for producing a gentle build up of sexual friction and an explosive, whole body, usually simultaneous orgasm. The trouble is, it's hard to keep from speeding up and getting over frantic towards the end.

The First Five Days

Submitted by acb5042 on

I am 16 years old, almost-upper middle class male, atheist.

I think knowing a little about myself might help you to get a clearer picture of where I am and where I want to go. I was first introduced to the world of exuality by complete accident, when I was hanging out with my friends, when I was in fifth-grade. An older guy in the group told us what sex was. Back then my personality was quite in accordance with moderate religiousity, and I remember telling myself once that I would never get into this filthy world, and even wondered why the heck people are even excited or attracted to something like that. But as I discovered more about this (through the Internet) -- I went to all kinds of sites: erotic stories, erotic videos, anything and everything that offered me a glimpse. Probably due to my nature of being a Scorpio, I was attracted to this, although I never experienced orgasm before making out with a girl after only a day that I had met her (she was in my class). It became very exciting, because of the pleasure, sure, but also because of the guilt (ref. Instruction Manual for the Primitive Brain). After I "broke up" with that girl (in a relationship that lasted for about a month, when I was in 8th grade), I've been addicted to masturbation, after I tried to stimulate that "aggressive movement down there".

Query - Rosarium Philosophorum

Marnia's picture
Submitted by Marnia on

Consider this series of drawings from an old alchemy text. They are one of several such series.
rosarium philosophorum

You may also view them here, where you can click on each image to enlarge it a bit.

These images seem to record a mystery that is often also referred to as the sacred marriage, "hierosgamos" or "conjunction of opposites." Are they strictly symbolic of some non-physical union, or do they point to the need for actual union of the sexes as part of a spiritual ritual? Can you learn anything about this mystery?

Me and me...

Submitted by Ryan on

There are moments in our lives that offer such clarity that their truth is undeniable. It is the Ah Ha moments where the puzzle pieces in our mind fit together and things just make sense. It's an understanding that is so deeply rooted that it never escapes us - verses memory which always seems to be hanging on by a thread.

I believe I experienced one of those moments just recently. In fact, it wasn't so much a single moment - but more a series of moments which very much included my dark depression with porn addiction. The realization that I had was simple, yet had, has, and will have many implications on how I see and live my life. To get there I had to go through a personal hell — a hell I have been living for a very very long time and only now starting to awaken from.

On "Free Will"

Submitted by Ryan on

Marnia posted a comment on my previous blog with a link to a NY Times article about Free Will and how Free Will just might be an illusion after all. I find Free Will (capitalized for emphasis) to be a fundamental concept for addiction and more importantly addiction recovery. It's always easy for a non-smoker to look at the hideous smoker and say, "Just stop smoking!" The smoker hangs his head in shame and says, "I know, I want to, and I've tried with all my might --- but I just can't". As we know, this shame and guilt inevitably leads the addict to value his/her "drug" even more as a means to "feel better" - albeit falsely and temporarily.

My Pornography (Lust) Addiction

Submitted by Ryan on

Blog Number 1. Where to begin?

My Goal:
To free myself from my pornography addiction and to remove all barriers that get in my way of true love and truth.

My Struggle:
- Willpower is very low --- have repeatedly told myself "Never again" only to come back "again and again".
- This addictive cycle creates guilt, shame, lying, and low self-esteem.
- These emotions, combined with the withdrawl from my last "high", create a perfect environment to "use" again.
- "Use" what? What am I addicted to exactly?
- Masturbation? Maybe, but sometimes I get a high from looking at porn even when I don't masturbate to it.

Query - Alchemy and the Two Becoming One

Marnia's picture
Submitted by Marnia on

QUERY: If "the two becoming one" is a key piece of our spiritual awakening, what does this mean?

Dear Fellow Detectives,

two become one Recently, a friend channeled the following:

Know that Magdalen is a rising archetype of tremendous collective importance and transformation potential. Be open to the alchemical references. Also go back and look at the subject of divine androgyny. You are getting closer to understanding the significance and the importance of the process of the two becoming one...."