I'm currently at three works without P and M and things are going pretty well. The temptation hasn't been as strong of late, and things like distracting myself with writing, playing video games, and more time spent with my wife are helping a lot. I plan on rewarding myself at 30 days by buying myself a little something I usually wouldn't spend money on, and then will be shooting for 60 days!
Hunger and need leaking out everywhere
The darkness of Desire
there is no compassion, only hunger
I am raw. Nothing is clean.
The young mothers are too attractive
My eyes linger too long on the glamour in People magazine
The sexy cover of a dance catalogue beckons
TV background noise, a young woman telling Jimmy Kimmel of her interview with Howard Stern
My fingers itch to Google pictures of her
gawd help me, it's day 8
I think I'll get something out of this. My wife discovered my going to strip clubs back in October. I initially denied, but then confirmed that I went some. In December she got a hold of my smart phones thru location & discovered that I was going to strip clubs 1-3 times a week, even at lunch. We've been fighting a lot for the last couple of years, she's a control freak, nitpicking, nagging. I moved out January 1st, filed for divorce January 4th, and she proceeded to discover thru looking at cash withdrawals that I've spent $40,000 over the last 5 years, which of course is all true.
Long time no see people!
I just want to tell my story as an example and support to all of you who were or are in the same situation like I was.
I have been through a lot,and all of it has been my weakness,my inabillity to say no!
You can all read my posts and see what and where I was.
By the help of Marnia ,Gary and the members on this forum Emerson and rest of the guys ,slowly I got out.
The beginning of Day 2 of not asking my Isadora for anything. Yesterday was easy because I was angry. Today she came downstairs to dress by the fire as I was on the yoga mat. I couldn't look at her nakedness. It's just too confusing for me. How do I give when my lust is soooo high? I'll figure it out. I also did not stop my practice right away to give her a greeting hug. It is usual for me to drop whatever I'm doing to take her in my arms (puppy vampire). We've agreed that it is a sign of separation to not greet or part without a hug or a kiss.
2016-01-10 Sender offered accurate insight and gave me 3 suggestions:
From the other room, she mumbles....my Izzy is more a mumbler these days.
Me: You think you'll wear the antique dress?
She: I think I'll wear my (shoe) inserts
Always confirm your beliefs!
My favorite joke from a birthday card Izzy's brother gave me, best when performed live with 2 elder friends. Three guys walking on a beach:
First guy: It's windy today
Second: No, I think it's Thursday
Third: Me too, let's get a beer!
Hopeless Romantic that I am, I tried NS again with "The Wedding" and am reminded why I gave up on him. I'm thinking the story could be renamed "The Apology: How I Made Amends to My Wife After Screwing Up". My problem is deeper. It has to do with myth the unloved child believes: If I Do Everything Right, She will Love Me. In the story, he does do everything right. Much like I wanted to do everything right on this karezza path. For me, I think it might be better to stop seeing the Golden Boy as the paragon and start looking to the smelly, dirty, homeless man.