full time caregiver

Submitted by 1950redwing on
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I am the full time care giver for my wife, I am 63 years old, wife is 69. We stopped any form of physical intimacy over a decade ago. She is OK with me getting physical satisfaction outside the home, as long as there is no emotional content. Recently I have wondered if I am a sex addict as I crave intimacy and will sometimes want touch and sex 2 or 3 times a week. This is not good for my emotions or my wallet. But I dont know what to do about it.

Any conversation would be greatly appreciated...

Redwing

Comments

caregiving/addiction

thanks for the article, actually there have been a few articles I have read on here today that are very useful, thanks for being here, I look forward to trying Karezza in the future..

solo

I see now why you felt this site may not have an answer for me. The "cure" for what ails me takes having a partner, and because of my wife's illnesses I do not have one. An interesting challenge, lol.

I am coming out of many years of trying to deal with my sex issues by buying time with providers. This has not helped at all. So it is looking like celibacy is the only way, luckily being an older man it wont be to bad, right...

So back to reading the wonderful articles on this site and trying to surrender to my fate...

R

thanks!

Thanks for the comments, as soon as the latest injury to wife, (broken arm) is better I will try cuddling, it is scary though she also has advanced osteoporosis, so have to be careful all the time...

R

Well, you could

start with a foot massage if she's feeling uncomfortable. Bonding behaviors tend to "build" on each other. Within a few days, you should notice increased harmony, even if you don't get off to a great start. Smile

Let us know how it goes.

Touch

[quote=1950redwing]We stopped any form of physical intimacy over a decade ago.[/quote]

Do you mean you stopped having sex or you stopped touching altogether (outside your role as 'caregiver', that is)?

touching

we stopped all sexual touching, still hug when she is not ill or tired etc....I am really working on letting my physical need go, I may have got myself a little out of balance over the years, so am getting back to the middle path of accepting what is, instead of hoping things will "improve". She enjoys non sexual/sensual touch fully clothed, will try the foot massage, thanks for that Marnia...:-)

Redwing

Libido

[quote=1950redwing].I am really working on letting my physical need go, I may have got myself a little out of balance over the years, so am getting back to the middle path of accepting what is, instead of hoping things will "improve". Redwing[/quote]

When I reflect on choice in this matter, I often think of this quote from George Melly, an english jazz musicion:

"I woke up one morning and I'd lost it, Libido was gone, gone dear boy. It was like being un-chained from a lunatic!"

I always thought this was original to him, but apparently Plato, in The Republic, has Sophocles say that the end of sexual yearning is like escaping from a vicious tyrant, usually quoted as "being unchained from a lunatic".

It sounds like your lunatic has been running the show. How easily you can unchain yourself from him, voluntarily, is anyone's guess. I'm only a bit younger than you, and my lunatic is still with me; for the most part, I find him a delightful companion, but I do try to keep him on a short leash.

As you seem to have made your mind up, I hope it goes well for you. I don't know enough about your circumstances to intuit whether naked, or partially naked, as opposed to clothed, cuddling is a possibility, but I've found they satisfy quite different parts of me, in very different ways.

change

well it is time for a change...my partner whom I care give for has OK'd me finding a sex partner. This is going to be interesting...

At 63 it has been a while since I have thought of myself as "available", and I suppose to many folks I won't really be.

I have been experimenting with solo karezza, I really enjoy it, and am having a two hour Tantric massage this Thursday and the practitioner is interested in the idea of of a session with no orgasm...it should be interesting.

I am sure it will take a while to find the right situation to actually connect with an available, willing woman, but its been 15 years, so I guess I can take it...

I will report back...;-)

Red

solo karezza

well, have to be careful here, having read about "edging" while masturbating....
Basically it is just that slow masturbate, not getting anywhere near orgasm, just enjoying the sensation
of stroking for a while...

I am looking forward to my "Tantric" session....

And my adventure, although I have some rebooting to do before I actually will pursue that...

Red

OK, wrong turn here...

so, got into the text of Cupid's Poisoned Arrow, also did a lot of reflecting on my
desires and situation...

Solo Karezza is for me Metta, or loving kindness meditation. I have noticed an in credible
change in my relationship with my wife. I know there can never be intimacy of a sexual kind
again, but the heart connection is wonderful...

As for the GF, that may come after I have totally stopped masturbating and having any
kind of erotic massage...need to really cool down the craving for touch/orgasm

Thanks for a great web site, even though I can only use some of the ideas, the spirit
of Karezza really does work, for me anyway...

Red

Fantasy...

Thanks for the article, certainly rang true for me...guess I must be ready for this...;-)

Red

ps: my wife commented today on how affectionate I had become...gotta love it Smile