23's blog

A positive spin

Submitted by 23 on

When I look back at, let's say, half a year ago there are actually already quite some improvements. Back then, I would try to quit, fall of the wagon and STAY of the wagon for a couple of days/weeks. Now, these past few months, I am still trying to quit, I am still falling of the wagon but after one or two days I have no problem getting back on again. At the moment, it's not even that hard to refrain during the week, just the weekends are though. As a result, my total number of PMO has already been reduced drastically.

When you're wrong, your're wrong...

Submitted by 23 on

... and I was wrong. Big time. The gradual approach strategy back-fired. As I said, I tried to MO only once a week, and I had decided that sunday was the perfect day for some 'relaxation'. However, saterday I started feeling turned on. So I though, why not make it saterday instead of sunday? It's probably the chronicle of a death foretold, as my friend Gabriel would say, but soon the chaser-effect got to me. Big time.

Face Flush

Submitted by 23 on

I have been noticing a strange side-effect lately. Whenever I get around 5 days/1 week of no-PMO I become very 'flushed' in the face. My face feels a bit like fire and I have a strong blush on my cheeks... This only lasts like a day and afterwards my skin looks much healthier and seems to glow a little bit. Almost like this sexual energy that is building up inside has made me shed my skin, like a snake :)

New Strategie

Submitted by 23 on

Yesterday, I decided that I would set a new goal for myself. Instead trying to maintain PMO-free for 100 days I am going to try to get into a healthy 'rhythmn': I quit porn entirely but I do masturbate once a month.

The 7-day milestone

Submitted by 23 on

Today is a milestone. I passed the 7-day mark, I survived the weekend... And it was quite easy as well. The key thing for me was: Having things to do. In the past I secluded myself and, maybe unconsiously, kept my weekends open during the day. Today, I went to an interior design exposé (I'm renovating a house), I visited my grandparents, I watched a sporting event with my parents... Anyting that would keep me away from my computer and staying alone in my room. And it worked.

Still on track...

Submitted by 23 on

Went to a party friday-evening, had some beers. Went to a pub this evening, had some cocktails. In the past, these kind of events (social events with lots of drinking) were the number one catalysator for porn-use. Waking up the next day with a hangover, feeling like a wreck, staying in bed all day with your computer watching a movie... It are the perfect circumstances for binging. The last few months I consciously avoided these events because of this. I didn't feel ready to participate in them. Now, I participated in them and I enjoyed them.

A good week

Submitted by 23 on

This week has, by far, been the best week I've had in years. Not did I handle the no-PMO thing superbly well, I have been productive, moved foreward on a lot of projects, exercised, meditated, ate healthy, ... and I felt great! Now, the challenge for this weekend will be not to get bored, lonely, angry, stressed or tired and maybe I can maintain this during the weekend!

Never again!

Submitted by 23 on

You know what the problem is with 'never again'? Never is a veeeery long time... A few days ago I set my goal at 100 days of abstinence before the end of the year. And I stick with that. But to make it seem more doable I'm first aiming for 14 days. No PMO until the 31st of March. It's a start, isn't it?


Submitted by 23 on

Sometimes you might wonder, why not just keep a journal instead of throwing your deepest insecurities and emotional problems on a blog?
That's why. In a comment to one of my posts Marnia suggested this acronym for the moments when you are most likely to fall of the wagon:

- Bored
- Lonely
- Angry
- Stressed
- Tired

It's so true. This sums up exactly what I mean when I say I am scared of weekends.
I put it on a post-it note in front of my desk.
You don't get that kind of advice from a diary...