Is it really that bad to just...?

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Yesterday, I was fairly critical of overtly sexual music videos and maybe I was a bit too harsh. This morning, again, I was watching the local MTV and, even though I know that it is fake, I don't think there is something wrong with enjoying a women expressing her sexuality. Love and sex are basic human needs and as an artist it is only normal to tap into these emotions. Why should I be so harsh on myself for appreciating the artistic expression of a beautiful, talented women?

I don't even see why it would be wrong to 'enhance' the pleasure a little bit... This is not the same as masturbation, don't get me wrong. I have no intention of actually having an orgasm. It's just that, due to my abstinence, it has been a long time since I've been this erect. Aren't I allowed to enjoy these new found benefits of abstinence? Aren't we supposed to learn to appreciate sexuality in a different way? Well, that's what I'm doing. Mind you, I'm not masturbating... I'm simply enjoying the sexuality of a beautiful women.

Now my mind is starting to drift of and starts having fantasies about these women in the videos.This is probably not a very good idea. But is it really that wrong? I mean, it's not the same as watching porn right? Granted, these fantasies look an awful lot like the scenarios you see in porn-videos but surely this cannot have the same impact on my brain as actually watching the videos in real life? By the way, as long as I don't orgasm I'm fine. So, no worries.

However, is this really the best solutions? I mean, I'm starting to feel REALLY horny. If I stop now I'm just going to be cranky for the rest of the week and, who knows, maybe I'll end up on the web surfing for real porn... Oh no, I can't let this happen! Better get it over with now...

It's sad, isn't it? How we fool ourselves? This was me this morning. So yeah, I fell of the wagon... Luckily, I was spending the weekend away from home and I deliberately did not take my laptop with me (for a big part due to the suggestions of some of the other members on here, tnx for that). So it wasn't a disastrous fall-back. Afterwards I successfully avoided the 'chaser-effect' and I even had a good afternoon. Still, not feeling very proud of my day... :s


Forget "wrong"

This isn't about "right" and "wrong." It's about finding balance.

When you first stop porn, erotic visuals and masturbation are both strong cues for binging. That's why most guys make more progress if they give them up entirely until they get through withdrawal and their brains come back into balance. Then you can truly appreciate female beauty without it kicking in cravings.

Never "discuss" porn use with your brain during recovery. Your inner addict will always win. Wink

Hey Marnia,

Hey Marnia,

I know, the problem is that it is just so easy to rationalise yourself into thinking a certain way because your 'animal brain' has its own agenda. Actually, I didn't post yesterday (even though I said I would post every day) because I didn't dare to post. The binging I was so proud about to have avoided on sunday came one day later... :s

What I find extremely difficult is that, like I said before, I am working on different fronts here. I am trying to eat more healthy, exercise regularly, meditate, be productive and useful, get some structure in my sleeping patterns... I do this because I find that it is all interconnected: It's about finding the right balance between work, rest, exercise, and so on. I am not only doing this because it helps me with my addiction to porn (though it obviously does) but because these are things that I genuinely want to change in my life.

However, no PMO makes all of the other things much harder. The first few days I feel more energetic but after that (after about a week) that energy has turned into restlessness. It's harder to sleep, it's harder to focus on my work... After you give in, it all becomes much easier again. Today, for example, I felt like I was totally back on track. Sometimes I wonder if gentle reduction in PMO wouldn't be a better approach. But then again, this has never worked in the past either... :s

Now you know why addicts find it so hard to stop

We were just looking at research on the reward circuitry, which shows that a week after their first intense sexual stimulation, rats sprout new nerve cell branches...which probably correlate with strong urges to find more stimulation. This has been seen in drug addictions, too. Abstinence itself kicks in stronger cravings for a bit.

Now you see why kicking an addiction is so tough. The brain can always say the addiction is the cure, not the problem. And, in the short-term it's right. I quit using porn and now I feel worse. Is this normal?

You have to be willing to walk through those nasty withdrawal symptoms and keep going. They won't last forever. For more withdrawal self-reports:

There are lots of suggestions for coping. Here's a new series in case you didn't see it yet: Low Energy with NoFap - YouTube More ideas here: ♦Solo Tools

You can do it. Be ready. Have a plan.