good news bad news

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Submitted by ace8 on
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The bad news is that since my last entry months ago I've been yo-yoing back and forth between efforts to stop pmo and relapses.

The good news is that I haven't given up. I'll keep at it. I'm starting afresh today.

Also, much of my life is still good. The parts I don't waste on porn.

Before I fry my brain any further on this junk, I need to get past it.



I've joined yourbrainrebalanced. It's pretty good.

I've also made and am sticking to a plan to follow when temptation strikes. I've had three relapses but am making progress.

What gives me the most hope is knowing I'm sick and tired of the stop-relapse-regret-stop-relapse-regret cycle. It's a crazy way to live, and I can't stand it. Freeing myself from it is my motivation. Getting to this point with smoking years ago--so sick and tired of the cycle of quitting-smoking again-regret-quitting-smoking again-regret--is what finally motivated to stop smoking. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I'm gonna get there.

I've started to think of porn objectively. All of its obvious characteristics--obvious unless you're under its spell--have started to come into focus. It's an industry. The women are acting, and that's what they get paid to do. They don't even know I exist. And I don't know them except as images on a screen. Porn is impersonal, a dehumanizing fantasy. And though I don't want to pass judgement on people in the porn industry, I wonder about the lives the women live. Most are very young, and I wonder what their parents think. I wonder if their parents care. I wonder if they were sexually abused when they were younger. I wonder what their personal sex lives and love lives are like. I wonder if love is ever a part of sex for them. I wonder what path a young woman would have to follow to find herself working as a porn actress. It's not for me to judge them, but I can't help but wonder about their lives. In a strange way my heart goes out to them. (I'll resist the obvious puns--suffice to say a better way to respond.) I'm not sure if working in the porn industry is immoral, but it is dehumanizing and sad. No question it reduces and depresses me. Seeing the women as women, as human beings and not as sex objects, I think on some level it must have a similar effect on them. Porn's a trap for its patrons. Maybe it's also a trap for the performers, a desperate and dehumanizing escape for people on both sides of the transaction.

Also, on a more basic level, when I look at porn objectively, it's just weird. Sort of like, what the hell is she doing? And if she turns me on, what the hell am I thinking?

I'm gaining control of my thoughts and feelings about porn. Thus gaining control of my urges. The picture is reversing.

But I make no grandiose claims. Not yet. I have lots more work to do.

By the way, how do you keep up with everybody on this website? That you do is impressive.

Thanks for the suggestion.

Thanks for your thoughts

I'm glad you haven't given up, and that you're slowly making progress. Well done.

I keep up here because it's fun watching you guys bloom. Also I spend too much time writing articles on my computer. I'm hoping it's just a phase. Wink


there is usually a time and place

when relapse happens.

What can you do to replace that behavior with something else?

To move yourself away from those situations that result in relapse?

It's all about replacement behaviors and starting to think them through IN ADVANCE before they happen so you aren't in that same situation again...

time and place

You're right. I finally realized that I need to anticipate temptation and have a plan for when it happens. And the plan is working. You're so right. Thanks.

By the way, nice photo. it's better to use the trunk to paint...