It's not how many times you fall

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Submitted by ace8 on
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but how many times you get up?

God almighty, I hope that's true.

I'd resolved to make a new entry only when past my porn addiction. A terrible relapse 3 days ago. Apparently 60 days wasn't quite enough for me.

Not to make excuses--well, maybe to some degree--the childhood sexual and emotional abuse, and the compulsive masturbation issue since age 12, aren't making kicking this porn addiction any easier.

As if that matters. What the fuck.

I'm afraid I'm "sinning against my talent," as the great Tony Bennett calls it when you're blessed with talent and ignore it. More and more, due to my porn addiction, my talent suffers from neglect. I'm afraid I'm ruining everything. I'm afraid I'll die before I kick this.

Sometimes I'm afraid I don't want to kick it.

I'm pretty fucked up, all right. But I don't give up. I don't know if I'll beat this addiction, but I know I will never stop trying. I don't know how to give up. Not always the best quality, but right now pretty much all I've got to go on.