This post may be somewhat repetitive, but I am still trying to seeking understanding at where I am at in this journey. I'm on my 50th day of no PMO and about 110 days of total rebooting. The first period I pmo'ed 5-7 times in the first two months. I have had good days and bad but I still really have not noticed that much of a change. I have become more comfortable at times speaking with girls, but I still lack the self confidence and libido / desire to really try to put in a sincere effort to talk to girls and be outgoing. I hit really stressful emotional lows and then sometimes will be happy and optimistic about my outlook. Its frustrating because I'd have thought I would have started to become more balanced by now. While people suggest that hte best approach is to not have expectations for changes that should occur during this process, I understand their suggestion and it makes sense but at the same time its so emotionally draining and sad that its hard to not have expectations because I don't like feeling this way and its hard to deal with the depressed feelings, stress of work, and school all at the same time. I don't get that many cravings now but when i do become depressed and sad that is when i am most vulnerable to just saying what the hell its just one time and giving into doing it. If it weren't for this site and the great support everyone on this forum, I would not have been able to make it this far! I am trying to stay positive and coming here to talk with others helps me stay motivated.
I have been studying for the CPA while working 50+ hour weeks so I haven't been out much over past two months. When I study I do go out to the coffee shop so that I'm around other people which is nice . This weekend I went out on Friday night and just only had 2 drinks to just be a little more relaxed. I had a good time and saw some friends which was nice. Not being out in a while made me realize the opportunities that CAN be out there as I saw a lot of attractive girls. I wasn't feeling that confident to try to approach anyone that I didn't know but I attribute that it being only my first time out in a while which will taking some time to get back to feeling more comfortable. I still really don't know what I should say when I do decide to try to go approach a girl and try to talk with them. My goals are also to not be reliant upon alcohol as much when I go out and only have a couple drinks just so that I have a little less anxiety and also just have something that I can sip on to keep my body language normal. I want to try to go out more once the CPA exam is done, but for the next several months this is a big commitment that I have dedicated myself to in addition to getting rid of my porn watching and ED. These are both very big tasks to take on at the same time, but I've made it this far and I want to continue doing both so that when I do have more free time back, this rough patch of my life will be over and I will be a more balance individual who is wanting to pursue girls, and have a relationship with someone other than my computer :-).