It's been almost 3 years ago since I posted here. I never gave up trying to get rid of the PMO habit, but never could pull it off completely. My usual pattern was 2 weeks of abstinence and then indulging, which sometimes led to a binge and sometimes to another 2 weeks of abstinence. Containing seemed to be the best I could do. But recently I decided to give it a new shot and dusted off this account.
My personal situation has changed in an important way: I used to be single but since almost 2 years I have a relationship. We can talk about sexual stuff, like my PMO habit and she is very supportive. Also, we cuddle for a long time every night we're together. I feel blessed to have such a great woman in my life and feel very connected with her.
My main problem with P and M is that it costs me a lot of time and energy, and after a binge I often feel ashamed. I also noticed that after a binge I feel less connected to my girlfriend. I fortunately have no problems with ED and desentisation in the penis. I've always refreained from watching extreme porn; somehow I knew it was not good for me and I hardly ever watched it. But I did notice the temptation of seeking out ever extremer stuff and I found it quite shocking to notice that tendency.
Today is the 15th day without P and M. I feel a little bit flat the last few days, but it is actually not bad to have a kind of rest, I'm very happy with Gary's website that took away a few concerns of me, like about the idea that ejaculation is needed for prostate health (a big concern for me previously). I also find it inspiring to read the accounts of other guys who have been there.
I started this time by taking a real good look at what prompts me to PMO. I use it often to avoid a feeling that I don't like, like emptiness or shame. It was good to become aware of that, as I don't want to live in denial. I've done a lot of emotional healing work and I feel that becoming aware of what triggers PMO has been a new step toward emotional health.
The second thing is the 'executive power' of my conscious mind. There is a possibility to say STOP when I'm slowly gliding down to indulgence in PMO, but often the executive power was not strong enough. I looked into why it is not strong enough. I feel that it is a case of some fear arguments (like:"You need this relief", "The itch will never go away", "If you refrain it will be bad for your prostate" etc) and not completely being convinced about the value of restraint. I found Gary's website invaluable for taking away some fears, and giving me the arguments to stay the course.