In Control - Getting There

Submitted by Aimee717 on
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Hello Everyone!

I hope everyone is doing well on their way to Recovery.

Yesterday, I got the chance to have a good chat with my online cybersex partner. Not that we did cybersex, it is because we are still good friends. He is supportive of my rehabilitation and did not even dare to tempt me. He asked me why I wouldn't watch to test how rehabilitated I am. I was shocked at myself when I said I want to be in total control of how I react, and not be easily swayed by compulsions. I still have sexual thoughts and sometimes I have these mental guilt as well when I have these uncontrolled sexual thoughts in my head.
I am happy to share that I am able to have a few activities going on already for my rehabilitation and discipline. That is my baking/cooking.
I was able to have a positive feeling that I was finally able to bake, and that it was a delicious one, considering that I am not used to the kind of oven available. But I know by honing my skills, and feel the sense of achievement, I will continue to feel good about myself.

I noticed, although that I have longer sleeping time, which is my defense mechanism from depression/stress. I try to dig out what really bothers or depresses me, and I was able to find out that I have a few worries here and there. I know I can take care of them. I am beginning to be conscious of how my brain works, and how I react to them. I know I can be IN CONTROL at all times in time. It is a daily training for me.

I hope to share insights again - that's what bothers me as well, no one seems to be on the same page as I am. Oh well, we are of different progress.

Thank you everyone

Comments

Yes no one looks to be in the same page

because really we are on different universes ○ ○ ○ , somehow because every being really looks like a unique, different universe ○, at times we align with others and feel so similar but yes we're similar, unique universees.

Nice to read you're getting better, and that you are finding more control in life, these are just great positive things ☼ ☼ ☼ !

Thanks!!!

@little_light
You are so correct! Being on the OPTIMIST side of things and to be in control of how my brain works and reacts will soon happen. Baby steps to a better, happier, and more love in life.

@Marnia
Thank you for reminding me. I know you want LOVE to come in any time soon, and I am also hoping that. But for now, I would like to totally understand how my brain works and to be in control of my reactions because it is too early for me at this time that my chance relapse still in a great percentage. Rest assured my dear friend that LOVE with a real partner will happen. In God's time, my time when I am fully ready. I believe and take claim that my LOVE story will happen because God will give him to me on my right time. To be in a relationship at this state would be a recipe for a lot of relapses.

I will keep everyone updated on my progress, and my upcoming LOVE story. For now I am focused on my rehabilitation, my work, priorities.